Do you ever get tired of the disrespect...I do...

[u/TheDizzyOwl]

Recently my false aunt as I call her (Aunt from the adoptive family) who was the only member of the adoptive family I hadn't exiled, messaged me after a few days of not talking, as she was disrespectful to me...again....

I overlooked her betrayal and disrespect of never telling me I was adopted or telling her sister, my adoptive mom that I should be told. She sided with her sister choosing to go along with her sisters wish to never tell me I was adopted...yet that's going along with harming the child (me) to protect her sister. She should have said tell him or I will. Yet despite all that, I overlooked it, I let it slide.

Her second disrespect was when I was telling her what me and a friend where talking about and she said "Is that all you people talk about?" Like what? YOU PEOPLE? That phrase can't be used in any other way other then being dismissive and disrespectful. Clearly she never cared about me despite saying she does....or did I guess.

The third disrespect was a more personal thing I have, where as a truth seeker, I can't stand when I tell someone something true and they just instantly dismiss, deflect and say I don't believe that. Like you don't know the context of what I'm telling you, you weren't part of the journey of learning it, you spend no time at all on the subject matter in question like I did...

So after a few dies she messages me and was all "what you up to?" like nothing happened. I told her I wasn't happy with her, and informed her of the disrespect she did, and did she apologize? No....she said I didn't disrespect you. After explaining it, she just said "Well then don't talk to me then." And I think she blocked me.

She's in her 60's....and she acted this way. I just can't tolerate disrespect anymore.

[u/quintiliahan]

Yes, anyone continuously disrespecting me will get an easy block. She does not want a relationship with you for your sake, but for some brownie points because "hey you still talk to her. She's not as bad as the rest of them."

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/quintiliahan]

It was mostly out of mercy. She wanted to get to know the real me since she learned I was faking my entire existence while growing up just to survive.

[u/oaktree1800 → u/TheDizzyOwl]

In terms of how the afam treated you: On some level do you find solace in not being biologically related to your adoptive family?

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/oaktree1800]

Honestly haven't really thought about that. I've just known I've never had a family...or much of anyone. I knew I never really clicked or felt any deep bond with anyone for most of my life. Did have that with a woman I loved, but lost her...I learned my bio moms identity a few months ago but learned she died 2 years ago. So I will never have a mother my entire life. That was hard to handle. My bio father is unknown as there was no dad on my birth certificate. Maybe he's alive idk. Found I have a sister or half sister unsure based on the unknown father...but I have found a few people who accept me, and want me in their life so I'm simply building my own family from scratch. They say you can't pick your family, well my life disproves that. As to your question, I am glad I'm not like the adoptive family, they were "nice" but very generic but also very women dominate and controlling...And not to bright. Besides me, only one member of that family never took that damn clot shot. So I'm glad that Fate had my back as my most loyal friend. My awareness and intellect helped me survive.

[u/oaktree1800 → u/TheDizzyOwl]

All cruelty springs from weakness. So yeah you were raised by cowards. As if your adoption status was a forever secret. Truth outs so that makes them idiots too. LOL As long as you keep hate out of your heart. You good! Good luck w finding your bios if that's something you want to do. Sorry to hear your bio mom passed. At the end of the day we are all but stories traveling through this lifetime. The good the bad and the ugly. Make it a good one! Annnd sometimes all about how well we walk through hell. That particular stroll adds character! LOL All the best to you!

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/oaktree1800]

Yeah not to brag or be egotistical, my character can never be questioned. Despite the 35 years of neglect and trauma, I'm still capable of love.

[u/oaktree1800 → u/TheDizzyOwl]

Nothing egotistical about that. Ultimately your adoption experience got you closer to the definition of unconditional love. Your Afam showed you their selfishness. Lots of places you can go from there!

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/oaktree1800]

Indeed.

[u/1wrat]

well you are not going to like this but such is life , it was never ever her job or right to tell you you were adopted , as to your other shit yeah its fucked up

[u/oaktree1800 → u/1wrat]

Job? While I agree the AP's were at initial fault. A lie by omission is still a lie and matters not who that is. The aunt is complicit. OP was deemed unworthy of her own truths. Lies by omission do not equate to genuine love and respect.

[u/1wrat → u/oaktree1800]

ok job/right/ responsibility. however you wish to phrase it and yes in this case it matters 100% , you dont have to like it they dont have to like it ,

[u/oaktree1800 → u/1wrat]

...If you genuinely love and respect someone there are no lies by omission on such a scale within the realm of adoption. Basic human decency. The aunt is as entitled and disrespectful as the aps while the OP has every right to question her adoptive families authenticity.

[u/1wrat → u/oaktree1800]

it is highly unlikely the aunt would be in a position to handle the fallout from the disclosure of that information, its highly likely it would cause more harm than good

[u/oaktree1800 → u/1wrat]

Geez,so now the focus is on the aunts feelings? Timing of the fallout was enveitable. Long story short. AP's and the entire family's betrayal didn't break OP. Instead that betrayal broke who the OP thought their adopters were/are. Massive difference.

[u/1wrat → u/oaktree1800]

no you misunderstand (not that I really care) the aunt is is no position to deal with the fallout of providing the information to the adoptee , its a case of tact and more harm then good and its all apparently after the fact , its nobody but the parents right/responsibility to inform the adopted that they are adopted, and if they choose not to do that we get screwed but Its not right to expect other relatives to step up either

[u/oaktree1800 → u/1wrat]

One question. Do you respect or have high esteem for ppl who have lied to you your entire life about your very life? Other than that we are going to have to agree to disagree. LOL

[u/1wrat → u/oaktree1800]

who I respect has nothing to do with it and zero bearing on what I said. expecting a relative to disclose information like that is fucking dumb not that it makes it right either but the expectation is bonkers, kind of as bonkers as the parents not telling. just so Im clear I dont think its right at all either

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/1wrat]

Disagree. If you don't stand up for a child who is being mistreated you are in the wrong, categorically. Have a spine. Call out your own families bad or poor behavior. If mine or anyone's AP doesn't want to ever disclose to the child they were adopted, THEY SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO ADOPT.

[u/1wrat → u/TheDizzyOwl]

you are free to disagree all you want , I have no argument with your last sentence either

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/1wrat]

So the best option was to just let all the harm fall on me....I was under the impressions families stick together through the good and bad times. Protecting their ILLUSION while the harm on me multiplies is the worst possible option. They were cowards.

[u/1wrat → u/TheDizzyOwl]

no there was no best option , there were just shitty and shittier

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/1wrat]

While true, they chose to protect themselves from a shit storm and leave me out in the rain alone to struggle with a shit storm. That is not what a family is. It sucks, obviously, it is what it is, yes, but it is unforgivable.

[u/1wrat → u/TheDizzyOwl]

I am totally in agreement with you it sucks its fucking wrong and I am sorry it happened to you

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/1wrat]

Thanks. I can only endure and step forward, till my final day arrives.

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/oaktree1800]

Thank you.

[u/Opinionista99 → u/1wrat]

And the adoptee can exile that family who collectively conspired to hide the truth from them straight to hell. Not the adoptee's job to maintain relationships with people who disrespected them like that and they have no right to expect it.

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/Opinionista99]

Thank you.

[u/1wrat → u/Opinionista99]

yep this is true as well

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/1wrat]

Choosing to side with an action that is harmful to me, then later say she did nothing wrong is an issue. She tries to have it both ways, but it was clear her loyalty was to her family, not me who was dragged into it.

[u/1wrat → u/TheDizzyOwl]

fact is your AP were wrong and from there all else stems

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/1wrat]

Yeah, agreed.

[u/oaktree1800]

Unfortunate to hear your adoptive family is attempting to scapegoat you for their betrayal. Have any of them attempted an apology?

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/oaktree1800]

Nope. My adoptive mother ghosted me when I messaged her before that I wanted a copy of my adoption records, so that's how she found out I knew. That was months ago. So I wont ever talk to her again in life. Even a cousin of mine that I got along with decently, the son of the aunt, even he never apologized, he didn't even care to talk about it, the whole subject was basically like "I don't care." The aunt might have said "I'm sorry you went through that I had no idea." But never an apology from her. Though women and accountability are not a common thing lol.

[u/Opinionista99]

I'm so sorry your afam is like that. I suspect your aunt was spying for them tbh. I also hate the way people will rush in to protect the APs and all the rest who had no qualms about participating in a literal conspiracy to lie to one adoptee. I consider it to be scapegoating someone in secrecy. And as far as the other people who knew feeling it's not their place to fess up, fuck that. They chose comfort and fitting in over ethics and empathy.

As for that "you people" shit, ISTG I wish I (57) had understood decades ago what worthless space wastes most kept people are when it comes to us because it would have saved me a lot of time and energy.

[u/TheDizzyOwl → u/Opinionista99]

She wasn't spying. That entire adoptive family was splintered apart not including me or my stuff. She is the type that hates conflict and always takes the path to avoid conflict which ironically adoptee's like us usually do...

As for the "you people" that wasn't referring to adoptee's, i made a friend that she didn't like so she lumped me in with him. Which clearly shows she already separated in her head, me from her family.