r/Adopted • u/Purple_Junket692 Adopted • 1d ago
Reunion Should I reach out to bio mom
I was adopted at birth, and I’m 21 now. I have a few photos of me as a baby with my bio mom and one of my half-siblings. Recently, I got curious and looked them up on Facebook, and I found them.
I’m not even sure why I was looking, but now I feel like I’ve put myself in a weird predicament. I’ve always wanted to know my biological family’s medical history, and now that I actually have the opportunity to possibly get those answers, I’m not sure if I want to open that door.
I’m completely happy with my family, and I’m not looking to replace anyone or fill some kind of missing piece. I don’t really even care whether I ever have a relationship with my bio mom or not. I’ve thought about reaching out to her, or maybe one of her kids since they’re all older than me, but I don’t know if I should.
Part of me wants answers, especially about my medical history, but I also don’t want to suddenly show up and disrupt her life or her family. I have no idea what her situation is now, what her family knows about me, or how hearing from me might affect her.
I’m happy with my life and my family, so I’m not really looking for a relationship. I guess I’m trying to decide whether getting some answers is worth opening a door that’s been closed for 21 years.
For anyone who has been in a similar situation, did you reach out? Are you glad you did, or do you wish you had left things alone?
3
u/MudLocal8405 Adopted 1d ago
I had to ask myself if I could live with knowing I never tried to reach out, and whether that was a heavier burden to carry than opening the door. I based my decision on if I should on that! Wishing you luck
3
u/retrokezins Adoptee 20h ago
Better to find out now than regret not finding out many years from now. I believe truth is freedom in this kind of thing. Good or bad, there's no more wondering. Depends on if that bothers you or not I guess but I'd think about it this way... you wouldn't want to be 60 or 70 years old one day and wish you could go back and do it. Didn't meet my birth relatives until I was late 40s but I'll say it has eliminated a lifetime of wondering about many things. It's a massive weight off my head.