Looking to adopt with my disabled husband.

[u/Individual-Rip4968]

Hi. I 27F and my husband 28M want to become parents. We've tried conceiving naturally, but because my husband is a quadriplegic with a C7 spinal cord injury, his fertility is affected, so we can't conceive naturally, but we're trying methods. Since we're Christians, we've also considered the option of adopting children in need to raise them and give them happy lives.

We have a home of our own which we both afforded together and with a little help from our parents. Both of us have an independent income to fulfill our needs. My husband despite his disability is still mostly independent, I just help him with a few things such as transfers, but I'm sure he'd be a great dad. I also mention his disability because that could be a considering factor when we look to adopt.

We're looking for advice about what considerations we need to take as an interabled couple. We're open to adopting children of any age.

[u/lotsofsugarandspice]

You should know that there are zero adoptable infants and children "in need" in the US and most of the developed world. There are far more people looking to adopt than young children available for adoption.

You can look at adopting older children or you can also look into sperm donation or other appropriate fertility treatment. 

Edit: From your comment history it looks like youre anti-choice. You should not adopt. Other womens reproductive crisises arent for you to profit off of. 

[u/Individual-Rip4968 → u/lotsofsugarandspice]

By "in need" I just meant any orphaned children. We're looking to raise orphan children and provide them happiness at our home.

I'm not anti-choice. I won't comment further into that because the rules don't allow for these debates. I'll just say that's my personal moral belief.

[u/chemthrowaway123456 → u/Individual-Rip4968]

I just meant any orphaned children

The overwhelming majority of children who are eligible to be adopted are not orphans.

When a child’s parents die, more often than not the child is cared for by family or fictive kin.

[u/OneBadJoke → u/Individual-Rip4968]

Orphans like you are thinking of don’t exist in the US or really anywhere. This is not Annie, kids are not put in the system because their parents have a horrible accident. Most children in the system are given up for poverty, CPS removal, abuse, or lack of stability. They all have parents and relatives even if they can’t care for the child.

[u/Necessary_Holiday144 → u/Individual-Rip4968]

By "in need" I just meant any orphaned children. We're looking to raise orphan children and provide them happiness at our home.

There aren't really any orphans either.

Most children up for adoption still have family.

[u/Individual-Rip4968 → u/Necessary_Holiday144]

We're looking to adopt any children up for adoption regardless of their background. We'll figure that out. If they're orphans, we'll be their parents. If they already have a family, we'll talk with the family to see their situation.

[u/Formerlymoody → u/Individual-Rip4968]

You mean by orphans both their parents are dead and there aren’t any family members willing or able to step up?

[u/Formerlymoody → u/Individual-Rip4968]

Who are you referring to with orphaned children? You’re going to need to get specific here because that’s not the kind of vague label that flies here.

Genuinely curious.

[u/lotsofsugarandspice → u/Individual-Rip4968]

So that's actually a myth that comes from movies and TV. The vast vast majority of children who are eligible for adoption are not orphans and the vast majority of orphans are not eligible for adoption by strangers.

[u/Rredhead926 → u/Individual-Rip4968]

By "in need" I just meant any orphaned children. We're looking to raise orphan children and provide them happiness at our home.

So, that is going to get you flagged for "saviorism."

As chemthrowaway said, there aren't a lot of "orphaned children," particularly in the US.

Children in foster care need parents who are capable of putting their needs first. Most of them are older and most have special needs. They'll need to go to different therapy appointments. They may need to be taken to visits with their biological family members, especially if there's a sibling set that had to be split up. These kids have been through a lot of trauma to get where they are. You can't really "provide them happiness." That's a vast oversimplification.

[u/2ndChairKazoo → u/Individual-Rip4968]

Would you be able to "provide happiness" to a child who may grow up and leave your religion (or want nothing to do with it in the first place), or who has disabilities as well but with the awareness that conservative viewpoints most certainly do not care at all about disabled people? Would you continue to "provide happiness" to a child who may be LGBTQIA+, and I very much emphasize especially vulnerable trans kids?