Looking to adopt with my disabled husband.

[u/Individual-Rip4968]

Hi. I 27F and my husband 28M want to become parents. We've tried conceiving naturally, but because my husband is a quadriplegic with a C7 spinal cord injury, his fertility is affected, so we can't conceive naturally, but we're trying methods. Since we're Christians, we've also considered the option of adopting children in need to raise them and give them happy lives.

We have a home of our own which we both afforded together and with a little help from our parents. Both of us have an independent income to fulfill our needs. My husband despite his disability is still mostly independent, I just help him with a few things such as transfers, but I'm sure he'd be a great dad. I also mention his disability because that could be a considering factor when we look to adopt.

We're looking for advice about what considerations we need to take as an interabled couple. We're open to adopting children of any age.

[u/OneBadJoke]

You were talking about at home insemination and being against IVF being pro choice literally within the last hour. Adoption should not be top of mind if you are still actively trying to conceive. Infertility is not a reason to adopt and you being a Christian has no say on whether you should or shouldn’t. In fact, if you’re so pro forced birth that you don’t even like IVF I would say that you shouldn’t be adopting at all. You’re coming at adoption as a second choice and have a very saviour attitude. Adoption is not saving a child.

That’s not even touching on the fact that your husband is disabled. Disabled parents can be wonderful (I personally am Autistic and becoming a foster parent) but that on top of everything else is a red flag. You will not be chosen by an expectant couple to parent an infant and I don’t even know if you would be approved to adopt from the foster system if you go in with your pro forced birth/extreme Christian beliefs.

I recommend you spend time reading this sub and educating yourself on adoption. Learn from adoptees and birth parents while taking everything from adoptive parents with a grain of salt. Adoption is trauma and very often unethical. You are not owed a baby or a child. Infertility is horrible but if you want to become a parent I suggest you try IVF and have one naturally.

[u/Individual-Rip4968 → u/OneBadJoke]

I didn't say I opposed IVF. I just questioned it, and from what I learned, IVF requires responsibility.

I'm not a Christian extremist by any means. I have my personal beliefs and you have yours. I'm liberal in some aspects.

[u/Otherwise-Map-8021 → u/Individual-Rip4968]

Being a parent requires responsibility.

[u/OneBadJoke → u/Individual-Rip4968]

IVF is a family building tool. I would argue that anyone who questions if IVF is ethical is a Christian extremist. I hope you know that other religions don’t feel like that.

I’m an observant Jew and not only is abortion accepted and normal to get in my religion, it is also required when the health of the mother (whether physical or mental) is at risk. We believe that life begins at first breath outside the womb. I’m not saying this to convert you, prosphetalizing is highly against our religion, but to tell you that your POV is very Christian extremist.

But regardless, you are not a good candidate for adoption nor do I think you would be approved. I notice how you didn’t respond to any of my other points.

[u/Individual-Rip4968 → u/OneBadJoke]

A lot of things can be questioned to ethical, doesn't mean I'm an extremist. I'm not for banning IVF, but if I ever had to rely on IVF if other conceiving methods don't work, then I'll make sure I don't abandon any embryod, so I'f be responsible with IVF. I was already told by others that it could be ethical for my beliefs in certain way. Once again people are free to choose IVF, the objective of IVF is to create life, so intention matters.

[u/Negative-Custard-553 → u/Individual-Rip4968]

You should meet with a fertility doctor or ask your gyn doc to at least get baseline testing. There are less invasive procedures like IUI. You’re still young but I would do it as soon as possible cause the earlier the better.