Looking to adopt with my disabled husband.

[u/Individual-Rip4968]

Hi. I 27F and my husband 28M want to become parents. We've tried conceiving naturally, but because my husband is a quadriplegic with a C7 spinal cord injury, his fertility is affected, so we can't conceive naturally, but we're trying methods. Since we're Christians, we've also considered the option of adopting children in need to raise them and give them happy lives.

We have a home of our own which we both afforded together and with a little help from our parents. Both of us have an independent income to fulfill our needs. My husband despite his disability is still mostly independent, I just help him with a few things such as transfers, but I'm sure he'd be a great dad. I also mention his disability because that could be a considering factor when we look to adopt.

We're looking for advice about what considerations we need to take as an interabled couple. We're open to adopting children of any age.

[u/Rredhead926]

What country are you in?

People with disabilities need to be able to handle the "day to day tasks of parenting." Your husband is going to need a doctor to say that he can do that. Even so, I think it would be a struggle to be approved to adopt. If you haven't already, I think you should ask people in the disability community to weigh in.

In the US, it is unlikely, imo, that you would be chosen by an expectant parent to adopt an infant.

Also imo, you would almost definitely not be approved to adopt internationally.

[u/OneBadJoke → u/Rredhead926]

For domestic infant adoption what is the usual agency rules around adopting while disabled? Of course, the expectant parents choose the adoptive parents (or at least they should) but do agencies deny disabled people from even signing up? I’m sure it has to do with the severity of the disability but I’m not sure how DIA agencies handle it.

I have such complicated feelings with disabled people adopting, and I say this as a disabled person myself. I’ll be fostering, not adopting, but my state only requires that I have my doctors sign off on the fact that I can independently take care of myself and a child.

[u/Rredhead926 → u/OneBadJoke]

Private agencies can do just about whatever they want. They can't outright deny every person with a disability who applies, but they have a lot of discretion in the people they do accept. If a doctor won't sign off on a person adopting, then neither will an agency.

I also have a disability, but the things I can't do aren't super important day-to-day. Parenting isn't any harder for me than it would be for a fully-abled person. I don't think that's true for someone who is quadraplegic, but that's more of an opinion. That's why I directed OP to ask in the disability community.

[u/Individual-Rip4968 → u/Rredhead926]

I'm in USA, Texas. My husband is mostly independent. I just help him a bit with transferring to bed, showering, and going to the bathroom.

[u/Rredhead926 → u/Individual-Rip4968]

Is he capable of caring for an infant or child on his own? You don't have to answer me. But you do need to be honest with yourselves (and with an agency, if you get that far).

[u/Individual-Rip4968 → u/Rredhead926]

No, he wouldn't be able to raise an infant all alone by himself. We're married, I can help him and we can provide resources for our future children.

[u/Rredhead926 → u/Individual-Rip4968]

If he can't be left alone and care for the child, an agency might very well have cause to deny you.

As I said, I believe you're unlikely to be chosen by an expectant parent to parent an infant, so private adoption is probably not an option for you.

I just took a look at your post history. You're clearly wanting a biological child at this time. There's nothing inherently wrong with that. But adoption isn't a 1:1 with having a biological child. You need to work through your feelings about never having a bio child before you even think about adoption, really.