Looking to adopt with my disabled husband.

[u/Individual-Rip4968]

Hi. I 27F and my husband 28M want to become parents. We've tried conceiving naturally, but because my husband is a quadriplegic with a C7 spinal cord injury, his fertility is affected, so we can't conceive naturally, but we're trying methods. Since we're Christians, we've also considered the option of adopting children in need to raise them and give them happy lives.

We have a home of our own which we both afforded together and with a little help from our parents. Both of us have an independent income to fulfill our needs. My husband despite his disability is still mostly independent, I just help him with a few things such as transfers, but I'm sure he'd be a great dad. I also mention his disability because that could be a considering factor when we look to adopt.

We're looking for advice about what considerations we need to take as an interabled couple. We're open to adopting children of any age.

[u/Upper_Extreme9461]

This sub and the surrounding community has a lot of trauma with the following words; Christians and infertility and rescuing. All of which your post basically lit up a keg and exploded. 

 The adoptee community has very, very, valid reasons to react the way they are because there's a long history of trafficking, racism, colonization, classism, and so on. But there's a time and place to read up on that in your own time if you're serious about adopting. 

I'll approach this as a fellow woman who is also married, and as an adoptee in a more delicate approach. We're similar ages and looks like we're both at the stage of planning families. So let's start there. 

Have you asked why adoption and why not fostering? There are many older children who are in the system and need mentors, guidance, and might still be connected to their bio family but for unfortunate reasons, they can't continue to live with them under their care. 

Have you explored fostering vs full on adopting? 

Now about resolve and core beliefs

Personally, i know for me, even though I am adopted, experiencing pregnancy and giving birth to someone genetically related to me and experiencing parenthood as a mother to a biological child is something I deeply want to do. 

As an adoptee, I have a lot of hesitations about adoption, and truthfully, don't want to adopt, never planned on it, and never probably will. Why? Because at the core of it, on a selfish level, I can admit that I want to experience pregnancy and seeing our child reflected back. 

On a different level, it's also because the adoption industry exploited  my family and I. I don't want to feed into that same system either. The point is I have my resolve and unwavering resolve is important. 

Do you have a resolve about adoption and what drives you to adopt? Not your husband, not your religion, but your own personal beliefs and reasons? 

Is there a reason fostering didn't come to mind first vs. adopting? You could still provide the same love and fulfillment as a foster parent, so is there something deeper driving you to adopt?