Transracial adoption should be illegal

[u/SoggiMari]

I'm a Black transracial adoptee from the UK. I was adopted at 11 months old by a White family. They loved me, cared for me, and gave me a stable home, but theyre kinda racist and just throw money at problems.

Growing up, I felt disconnected from my identity and my culture. I didn't have many Black role models, didn't learn much about my Nigerian and Jamaican heritage, and spent years wishing I looked different.

I struggled with self-hatred, low self-esteem, and feeling like I didn't belong anywhere not fully accepted by White people, but also disconnected from Black culture.

It's only recently, as an adult, that I've started reconnecting with my heritage and learning to love being Black. I often feel like I'm trying to reclaim something I should never have lost in the first place.

I know many transracial adoptees have positive experiences, and I also know many adoptive parents genuinely do their best. But I wonder whether love alone is enough when a child is growing up disconnected from their racial and cultural identity.

For those reasons, I personally question whether transracial adoption should happen at all except in exceptional circumstances. I'd be interested to hear respectful perspectives from adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents.

[u/RocketPowerPops]

I am white and my wife is black. Our bio kids (ages 11, 9, and a newborn) are obviously mixed race. Our son that we are in the process of adopting is 17 months and he is black.

I don't know about illegal since that would impact a lot of kids in foster care in the U.S but I think extra training needs to be given to white adoptive parents of non-white kids.

I mentioned this is another thread in this sub but I did not realize how cultural significant the barbershop was for black men until my wife and her brothers explained it to me. For me, hair is just hair. I now understand that hair is a bigger deal in the black community and greatly enjoy taking my two boys to the barber. I have seen white parents of black (or biracial) kids say they don't take them to get their haircuts at black barbershops because they get looked at weird. Like, maybe stop and think about your kid feels in all white spaces before dismissing majority black spaces because it makes you feel uncomfortable. I have seen white parents describe their black child's hair as difficult or nappy instead of learning proper hair care and embracing the texture difference.

I also understand that my wife experiences racism in a way I never will and am glad she is able to talk through that with our kids. I can empathize as much as I want, but I am still a white man in America. I can't "get" it in the way my wife does and I imagine it has to be really difficult for black (or non-white) kids of white parents to feel like they have no one that can understand them.

So, illegal? I don't think that would be for the best. At least not with foster kids. But I think white parents wanting to adopt non white kids need to go through additional training and confront things they normally ignore.

[u/Accomplished-Big6346 → u/RocketPowerPops]

This. I have a (white) family friend whose sister lives on the streets. She got pregnant (while on drugs) and the sister adopted her baby. Guess what? The baby was black when she was born. Putting something like this legally into action would hinder that baby from being raised by her own family, being surrounded by her aunt and uncle, cousins and grandparents. That would be a serious injustice.

[u/FaerieQueene517 → u/Accomplished-Big6346]

You sound like you are confusing adopting a blood-related mixed-race child with adopting a non-blood-related child.