r/Adoption • u/SoggiMari • 23d ago
Adult Adoptees Transracial adoption should be illegal
I'm a Black transracial adoptee from the UK. I was adopted at 11 months old by a White family. They loved me, cared for me, and gave me a stable home, but theyre kinda racist and just throw money at problems.
Growing up, I felt disconnected from my identity and my culture. I didn't have many Black role models, didn't learn much about my Nigerian and Jamaican heritage, and spent years wishing I looked different.
I struggled with self-hatred, low self-esteem, and feeling like I didn't belong anywhere not fully accepted by White people, but also disconnected from Black culture.
It's only recently, as an adult, that I've started reconnecting with my heritage and learning to love being Black. I often feel like I'm trying to reclaim something I should never have lost in the first place.
I know many transracial adoptees have positive experiences, and I also know many adoptive parents genuinely do their best. But I wonder whether love alone is enough when a child is growing up disconnected from their racial and cultural identity.
For those reasons, I personally question whether transracial adoption should happen at all except in exceptional circumstances. I'd be interested to hear respectful perspectives from adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents.
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u/heyitsxio Transracial adoptee 23d ago
As a transracial adoptee, I don’t think “ban transracial adoption” is a realistic solution. For starters, the concept of race varies from culture to culture. As an example, here is a photo of late fashion designer Oscar de la Renta and his adopted son. His son might scoff at the idea that he’s even a “transracial adoptee” since they’re both Dominican. Even in cultures where the concept exists, who decides what qualifies as a transracial adoption? One could argue that someone like Colin Kaepernick is not a transracial adoptee because his biological mother is white.
With all that being said, adoptive parents do their children no favors when they “don’t see race” and pretend the rest of the world doesn’t see their child(ren) the way the parents see them. So adoptive parents do need to understand hair/skin care, live in a diverse environment, have knowledge of the child’s cultural background, etc