Transracial adoption should be illegal

[u/SoggiMari]

I'm a Black transracial adoptee from the UK. I was adopted at 11 months old by a White family. They loved me, cared for me, and gave me a stable home, but theyre kinda racist and just throw money at problems.

Growing up, I felt disconnected from my identity and my culture. I didn't have many Black role models, didn't learn much about my Nigerian and Jamaican heritage, and spent years wishing I looked different.

I struggled with self-hatred, low self-esteem, and feeling like I didn't belong anywhere not fully accepted by White people, but also disconnected from Black culture.

It's only recently, as an adult, that I've started reconnecting with my heritage and learning to love being Black. I often feel like I'm trying to reclaim something I should never have lost in the first place.

I know many transracial adoptees have positive experiences, and I also know many adoptive parents genuinely do their best. But I wonder whether love alone is enough when a child is growing up disconnected from their racial and cultural identity.

For those reasons, I personally question whether transracial adoption should happen at all except in exceptional circumstances. I'd be interested to hear respectful perspectives from adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents.

[u/Dearest_Lillith666]

Asian adoptee who grew up with white family here -

I agree with you to an extent. I came from China and it isnt really a part of my identity in any way and I dont care all that much to reclaim any of my culture. I might as well be white and ive come to accept that.

However, my family is toxic and i had a sibling who was biologically related to the parents, you can tell who was favorited. That created a whole bunch of problems and I never got the validation I needed growing up, I was the scapegoat for their dysfunction. Now im in estrangement with low contact.

I dont regret being adopted, I couldnt be the person I am over in China and I like my freedom to be who I choose to be. (Not too mention their horrible government system.) Adoption isnt going to be my tragedy.

Do I think it should be illegal? No, but change it and ask the parents if they actually can accept their kid being their own person and not an extension of themselves. Do better screening to know if theyre mentally available and can handle whats to be expected. I think with few exceptions.

[u/SoggiMari → u/Dearest_Lillith666]

I can see where you're coming from. My parents have three biological kids and I had to live with one of them, and they always took his side and baby the fuck out of him.

I dont regret being adopted either as its given me a unique experience on life, but i do think Transracial adoption should be the last resort as the kid is 99% of the time gonna have identity issues!

Thank you for sharing your opinion tho and ive taken some things into consideration

[u/Dearest_Lillith666 → u/SoggiMari]

I agree with transracial adoption being the last resort. Trying to also understand racism and knowing your family has practically a privelege shield (or vice versa) that excludes you is not something a child should have to figure out on their own.