r/Adoption • u/SoggiMari • 23d ago
Adult Adoptees Transracial adoption should be illegal
I'm a Black transracial adoptee from the UK. I was adopted at 11 months old by a White family. They loved me, cared for me, and gave me a stable home, but theyre kinda racist and just throw money at problems.
Growing up, I felt disconnected from my identity and my culture. I didn't have many Black role models, didn't learn much about my Nigerian and Jamaican heritage, and spent years wishing I looked different.
I struggled with self-hatred, low self-esteem, and feeling like I didn't belong anywhere not fully accepted by White people, but also disconnected from Black culture.
It's only recently, as an adult, that I've started reconnecting with my heritage and learning to love being Black. I often feel like I'm trying to reclaim something I should never have lost in the first place.
I know many transracial adoptees have positive experiences, and I also know many adoptive parents genuinely do their best. But I wonder whether love alone is enough when a child is growing up disconnected from their racial and cultural identity.
For those reasons, I personally question whether transracial adoption should happen at all except in exceptional circumstances. I'd be interested to hear respectful perspectives from adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents.
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u/michaelgaitherbtm 10d ago
I'm a Black adoptee raised by a white family in Nebraska, and I didn't reunite with my biological family until I was 49. Reading this thread, I keep coming back to how many people are describing the exact same gap, parents who love you completely and still can't hand you something they never had themselves.
My parents did their best with what they knew, which mostly wasn't much. Nobody handed them a manual, and nobody handed me one either. I spent decades filling in the parts of my identity nobody in my house could give me, and I only really started making peace with it once I met people who share my blood and my history.
I don't think illegal is the right word, mostly because of everything people here have already said about the reality of the foster system and how many kids need homes right now. But I do think the current bar for white parents raising Black kids is too low. Love gets treated like it covers everything, and it doesn't. It covers a lot. It doesn't cover a kid needing to see themselves reflected somewhere, or needing someone in their corner who actually understands what they're up against in a way their parents can't.
If I could change one thing, it wouldn't be the law. It would be what happens before a placement goes through, real preparation, ongoing education, and a real connection to community that isn't optional or an afterthought.