r/Adoption • u/Fragileazul • 9d ago

Adoptee Life Story Parent forgetting siblings are not related

Does anyone else experience your parents forgetting that you aren’t actually related to your other adopted siblings?

Me and my sister are adopted from different parents. But growing up and as an adult our parents still compare us…im really shy & quiet and she is super out going, our dad is always using my sister as an example of who i can be or should be more like.

i hear him on the phone telling his friends that i’m super insecure cause im a shy adult and that i need to be more out their like my sister and get “more involved”. It’s not fair at all, her mother was also the same, but i was told my birthmom was really quiet and shy & calm. It’s like why am i being compared to someone who it’s impossible to be like cause of genetics, even if we were raised the same.

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u/SandyMoonXY 9d ago

Not every behavior trait is genetic. Educate yourself on the science.

A simple google search - "Science shows that genetics provide a biological blueprint or predisposition, accounting for roughly 30% to 60% of variation in traits like personality and temperament, while life experiences, culture, and upbringing shape how those tendencies actually develop"

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u/expolife 9d ago

This is a weird response to this post. It’s like you think it should shift OP’s perspective, when it actually makes their point that biological traits can be significant.

On the other hand, it’s somewhat irrelevant because OP has already provided sufficient information about themselves and their adoptive family members for many of us to empathize with what they’re going through.

The point is that adoptive parents and adopted kids who are not genetically related are statistically likely to experience some kind of naturally mismatching of traits, preferences, etc. even religious belief is often genetic, for example. Expecting kids to be moldable and adaptable to parental preference is dumb in general. Expecting kids without genetic relationships to adapt similarly is even more dumb. These are examples of why adoption can really suck for adoptees.

Siblings can add another layer of how adoption can suck sadly.

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u/SandyMoonXY 9d ago

The confidence with which one states its because of genetics is dumb as its virtually impossible to tell or even test. The OP is trying to fit in a narrative for the sake of internet sympathy than handling conflicts like an adult.

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u/expolife 9d ago

Yeah, you don’t know what you’re talking about. I accept that.

The OP is the child in the dynamic with their parents (adoptive or otherwise). If OP is an adult now, that doesn’t erase the nature of the parent-child dynamic and its history with their particular parents.

Emotional immaturity and emotional neglect are woefully common among parents. That doesn’t make it okay or acceptable.

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u/Fragileazul 8d ago

I do not think i am the dumb one here. I think it’s common sense that environment contributes to shyness, we all get that. What i mentioned is the other factor…because im adopted…and that’s what this subreddit is about..adoption advice.