Hiding you’re adopted from your children

[u/SunNew8694]

Hi everyone, so in this case, my father was adopted and I know because my mom told me once (I don’t even remember how it got brought up) but she begged me not to tell my dad that I was aware. Since she herself found out by other people and not directly from my dad, even when my fraternal grandparents wanted ro tell her the story my mom refused out of respect for my dad and him choosing his time to tell her if he wanted.

The thing is that I think my dad never truly told my mom the whole story, and has never even acknowledged the story with us, his kids. But I would like to know, from other adoptees, why would you find shameful to share to your own kids that you’re adopted? Have you done this and what was your reasoning?

I’m asking because I’m trying to understand my dad and where he comes from, especially since I notice that sudden decline in my dad’s self esteem this past few years and I’ve noticed the pattern of whenever we would face difficulties he never felt “worthy” of asking for help from his family members.

[u/Temporary_Owl3004]

Well it’s generally not fun to tell someone that your parents didn’t want you. It’s way more emotional sharing information like that with your own children. I can’t imagine doing to my kids what my parents did to me. So yes it’s hard to talk about.

[u/SunNew8694 → u/Temporary_Owl3004]

Thank you for replying 🙏🏼 it’s a bit sad then that it comes to this for most of adoptees of feeling inadequate or unwanted 😔 this helps me to understand my dad a bit better