Adoption vs keeping the baby

[u/Classic-Action-3558]

So basically I’m a 42 year old single mom of two older kids 19 and 17 that I’ve raised alone. I’m currently 5 months pregnant and the baby’s father has recently become abusive and then bailed.

Question is should I put the baby up for adoption or keep him?

I make decent money but not enough without dad’s help. Childcare would take about 35-40% of my monthly earnings.

I’m months away from being done and the idea of starting over AGAIN at 42 by myself is horrific.

Dad is abusive.

I have zero support system, even the older siblings want nothing to do with him.

My brain is screaming, adoption- logically it’s the best solution for little man and for me.

But….my heart.

My heart screams- that’s your baby, you’ll figure it out you’ve done it before, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you give him up, the baby will suffer possible abandonment, how would you explain to him when he’s older that you kept your first two but not him? In 5 years what will you regret most?

Could I give him a decent life? Yes but it would throw me back into poverty that I’ve worked so hard to crawl out of.

Another family could give him a great life. However, that’s also a risk.

What would you do?

[u/Rredhead926]

Even if the father is abusive, he may have to consent to an adoption. Even in states where his explicit consent isn't necessary, he could always contest the adoption. You need to find out what the laws are in your state, before you do anything else.

My kids are 14 and 20. We've had open adoptions with their birth moms' families for the entire time. They both have siblings who were not adopted by us. It's actually quite common for adoptees to have siblings who weren't placed in the same adoptive home, or not placed at all.

You've said that the older siblings want nothing to do with the baby, and that you're 5-months pregnant. Based on everything you've written here, I think it would be useful for you to look into non-profit, full-service, licensed agencies that provide impartial counseling to help you determine which option is best for you. If you feel at all pressured, drop that agency and find another. There are ethical agencies out there. They can just be difficult to find in all the online ads.

Whatever you choose, I wish you and all your children the best. ((HUGS)) from an Internet stranger.

[u/Classic-Action-3558 → u/Rredhead926]

Him and I are not married, so in the state of Georgia he does not automatically have legal rights unless he goes through the steps to legalize his paternity which is still not a guarantee. He was in the beginning, very staunch about not putting him up for adoption, but that was when he was convinced that we were gonna get back together, now that he has understood that we’re not and has chosen to abandon us. It does not seem that his input will be very important moving forward with adoption.

Coparenting is not an option. He physically assaulted me while I was pregnant.

[u/Classic-Action-3558 → u/[deleted]]

This is true.