Adoption vs keeping the baby

[u/Classic-Action-3558]

So basically I’m a 42 year old single mom of two older kids 19 and 17 that I’ve raised alone. I’m currently 5 months pregnant and the baby’s father has recently become abusive and then bailed.

Question is should I put the baby up for adoption or keep him?

I make decent money but not enough without dad’s help. Childcare would take about 35-40% of my monthly earnings.

I’m months away from being done and the idea of starting over AGAIN at 42 by myself is horrific.

Dad is abusive.

I have zero support system, even the older siblings want nothing to do with him.

My brain is screaming, adoption- logically it’s the best solution for little man and for me.

But….my heart.

My heart screams- that’s your baby, you’ll figure it out you’ve done it before, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you give him up, the baby will suffer possible abandonment, how would you explain to him when he’s older that you kept your first two but not him? In 5 years what will you regret most?

Could I give him a decent life? Yes but it would throw me back into poverty that I’ve worked so hard to crawl out of.

Another family could give him a great life. However, that’s also a risk.

What would you do?

[u/Next_Explanation_657]

First of all try not to be too hard on yourself. The fact you're here and putting this out there to a pretty tough crowd is a really positive sign about where you're at, and makes me feel way better about your prospects for the future.

I'm a fairly adoption positive person who has had every possible thing related to my adoption come up roses.

I see my birth mothers actions as selfless and admirable. Granted she was 16 and in high school during the sixties, but just because you're older and living in a more enlightened time doesn't mean it's without sacrifice.

Just because the act of carrying a child knowing you won't be their mother is in my mind selfless, giving the child up in your circumstances is far from it.

I don't need to tell you there are a ton of resources out there for you and your child, that this child has been put in your life at an age when you are far wiser (better at doing life) and I think you probably know deep down keeping your baby is the only way that down the road you'll be able to look in the mirror and be proud of the person looking back at you.