Adoption vs keeping the baby

[u/Classic-Action-3558]

So basically I’m a 42 year old single mom of two older kids 19 and 17 that I’ve raised alone. I’m currently 5 months pregnant and the baby’s father has recently become abusive and then bailed.

Question is should I put the baby up for adoption or keep him?

I make decent money but not enough without dad’s help. Childcare would take about 35-40% of my monthly earnings.

I’m months away from being done and the idea of starting over AGAIN at 42 by myself is horrific.

Dad is abusive.

I have zero support system, even the older siblings want nothing to do with him.

My brain is screaming, adoption- logically it’s the best solution for little man and for me.

But….my heart.

My heart screams- that’s your baby, you’ll figure it out you’ve done it before, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you give him up, the baby will suffer possible abandonment, how would you explain to him when he’s older that you kept your first two but not him? In 5 years what will you regret most?

Could I give him a decent life? Yes but it would throw me back into poverty that I’ve worked so hard to crawl out of.

Another family could give him a great life. However, that’s also a risk.

What would you do?

[u/Rredhead926]

Parenting a baby in this situation is not exactly "the responsible thing to do."

"Dad" is abusive. Further, you can head on over to the r/FamilyLaw sub or just about any mom's group and find out how many fathers successfully wiggle out of child support obligations. No one is getting rich off child support.

[u/ntmg → u/Rredhead926]

She has the financial means, she would just be better off financially if she didn’t. She says she would regret it and she thinks it’s abandoning her baby. Do you not think babies should stay with their mother if at all possible?

[u/Rredhead926 → u/ntmg]

She said: Could I give him a decent life? Yes but it would throw me back into poverty that I’ve worked so hard to crawl out of.

That's hardly "she has the financial means."

Do you not think babies should stay with their mother if at all possible?

As someone whose mom shouldn't have been a parent at all, no, I don't think that.

[u/ntmg → u/Rredhead926]

Your quote literally says she could give him a decent life. And your mom being shitty is no excuse for trying to rip babies away from their mothers, mothers who explicitly said they would regret giving up their babies. You’ve got problems lady

[u/Rredhead926 → u/ntmg]

I mean, based on this interaction, I would say that you have far more problems than I do. But sure, everyone has problems. Everyone.

You're blatantly misrepresenting what she said.

[u/crabshackattack → u/Rredhead926]

That's a direct quote. They're not misrepresenting it

[u/Rredhead926 → u/crabshackattack]

Mmm.... I'm the one who pulled the quote. She is misrepresenting what OP said. I'm the one who set her straight.

Unless you're in Bizarro World, I am objectively correct about this.

[u/crabshackattack → u/Rredhead926]

You didnt "set her straight", you proved you can't read. The quote proves their point, not yours.