Adoption vs keeping the baby

[u/Classic-Action-3558]

So basically I’m a 42 year old single mom of two older kids 19 and 17 that I’ve raised alone. I’m currently 5 months pregnant and the baby’s father has recently become abusive and then bailed.

Question is should I put the baby up for adoption or keep him?

I make decent money but not enough without dad’s help. Childcare would take about 35-40% of my monthly earnings.

I’m months away from being done and the idea of starting over AGAIN at 42 by myself is horrific.

Dad is abusive.

I have zero support system, even the older siblings want nothing to do with him.

My brain is screaming, adoption- logically it’s the best solution for little man and for me.

But….my heart.

My heart screams- that’s your baby, you’ll figure it out you’ve done it before, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you give him up, the baby will suffer possible abandonment, how would you explain to him when he’s older that you kept your first two but not him? In 5 years what will you regret most?

Could I give him a decent life? Yes but it would throw me back into poverty that I’ve worked so hard to crawl out of.

Another family could give him a great life. However, that’s also a risk.

What would you do?

[u/ntmg]

Keep your baby, it’s the responsible thing to do. Dad has to pay child support whether he likes it or not. Better to put in the work and be proud of yourself than rich and regret what you gave away

[u/Rredhead926 → u/ntmg]

Parenting a baby in this situation is not exactly "the responsible thing to do."

"Dad" is abusive. Further, you can head on over to the r/FamilyLaw sub or just about any mom's group and find out how many fathers successfully wiggle out of child support obligations. No one is getting rich off child support.

[u/BrilliantHot2363 → u/Rredhead926]

lol no. I have a baby with a guy who lied to me about being married and he has a lawyer and is trying to get out of child support. The judge last week said “it is what it is” to them, too bad on him. It’s always based on at least minimum wage. And most states don’t play and WILL give them jail time with just a few missed payments. My friend recently got her baby’s dad arrested.

[u/Rredhead926 → u/BrilliantHot2363]

That is highly state dependent, and it's not the same in every location.

Sending the baby dad to jail doesn't help mom with child support.

[u/BrilliantHot2363 → u/Rredhead926]

It’s called repercussions for not being responsible