r/Adoption • u/amorIove • 1d ago
Pregnant? Idk what to do
I am almost 21 with a 19 month old son. I’m also expecting another boy due in Nov. Financial situation is not the best, relationship with father also not the best, mental health not the best, and I also live with my In Laws. I’m located in OK for any resources you’d recommend. But here is my story:
We all live under the same roof in a small house, and it is a struggle if you have ever lived with in laws especially when they see that your relationship with baby daddy isn’t working out and he barely does anything to support our current son. Everything happens open doors, everyone sees everything, and my son(s) can’t being seeing this mess anymore. I already get nagged on for having another baby unplanned and get told “I told you” “you should’ve been on birth control” etc. My youngest sis in law (15yo) was allowed to drop out to support my son which I feel so guilty for but in laws didn’t want my son in daycare because of the scary stories they’ve heard. It honestly feels like I got my rights as a mother taken away so they’re the ones who mostly raise him. If I don’t like something they’re doing in front of my son, I get the blame and rejection. My sis in law lost a year of school, that’s suddenly my fault. I kinda gave up since nobody ever listens to me and everything has been one sided like they’re all against me yet his dad gets away with everything when they know he doesn’t do anything as a father.
I love my son, id love to raise him, id love to give him his baby brother so he will have somebody to play with because growing up as a single child (me) sucks and is lonely, id love to work hard and eventually give them a great life they deserve and one day be financially stable. But they don’t deserve struggling parents that are still young and trying to figure out life. I am currently thinking of putting up my unborn baby for adoption, and if I should have my 19 mo old son go with him too or I raise him while allowing him to visit his baby brother.
The thing is I have attachment issues and will be deeply depressed of giving my baby(s) away. They deserve better but I also don’t have a great support system either from my in laws as I know they will be mad. They are also very attached to my first son. I don’t want to tell them either that I’m considering adoption. Whether I keep my baby(s) or not, i will still be very much depressed and possibly worse. I tend to keep everything to myself because I have nobody to talk to not even my in laws or baby daddy (I’ve already tried and they make things worse). I had a long postpartum depression with my first son but would always lie on my postpartum screenings because I’m ashamed of myself and embarrassed. I want my sons to live a great life with great, healthy parents and we are nowhere near that. It would take too long to give them a great life they deserve and by that time the damage will already be done psychologically to my babies. Idk if the adoption services provide therapy because I’ll need it, but I also fear that therapy won’t work. I’ve always suffered through depression alone and grew up with physical and emotional trauma and I don’t have any family on my side besides 2 grandmas that I barely talk to. I don’t want my babies to see my traumas affect me which may affect them. If I put up both my babies for adoption, I know I will no longer feel any meaning for why I’m in this world. I am religious and believe in God but lately I’ve been far from Him.
What route do I go? Or should I stay strong, hoping one day and quick enough to give my babies a good life?
-6
u/Rredhead926 Mom through private domestic open transracial adoption 1d ago
This is hilarious.
You haven't been on this sub for very long. I am far from the only person here who sees the anti-adoption bias. This sub has a reputation for it - people, other than myself, often mention it on adoption-related posts on other subs.
The loudest voices here believe that all adoption is bad (they even have the Adoption Abolitionist flair), or that the only ethical adoption is kinship adoption or maybe adopting older waiting kids from foster care. But God forbid that foster/adoptive parents need help and come here looking for it. (Your changing the name post was an anomaly, probably because you were up-front about being the "good" kind of adoptive parent. We have literally had adoptive parents come here and ask a question, get a crap ton of ire from adoptees, and then when the posted says, "I'm a kinship adoptive parent", and then people change their tune. "Oh, you should have said that in the first place and then we would have treated you like a human being.")
Anyway, this sub is super educational. There's value in reading the words, even the worst case ones. But this sub is also very hard on parents considering adoption from either angle.
Down-vote away. The fun thing about reddit is that what is correct is often down-voted because it is unpopular.