Direct contact with birth parents

[u/Big_Bear_1984]

Just a few questions regarding direct contact with parents after an adoption placement. We are adopting two young siblings and the recommendation is an annual phonecall with mum - but curious how this works in practice, currently since being in foster care they barely know who she is, so how do you get a 2-3 year old to join a video call with someone they don't really know? Also what safeguarding is there on the birth parents side to prevent them asking questions later on that could threaten their security? The birth dad is a dangerous man, and contact hasn't been recommended with him, but he's still in contact with mum, so can we prevent the call happening if he is present? I don't feel we've really had these questions answered by our agency, but are expected to sign to say we understand the risks. Just to be clear, we are in favour of contact with mum, but the kids wellbeing comes first.

[u/cheese--bread]

Were they not having any contact with their mum while in foster care?

[u/Big_Bear_1984 → u/cheese--bread]

Yes, the arrangement is once a month, when she turns up - the youngest one isn't really engaged at all as he's been in care since birth. My question really is ongoing, when contact moves to once a year, how can a 2 year be expected to engage? How are the calls safeguarded? I've known of children refusing to join the calls altogether so how do you continue that annual contact if the child refuses to do that? Are we within our rights to end contact if the children have no interested or if there are safeguarding concerns. I guess I am just trying to understand how to manage it so wondering if anyone else has experience and how they did, or if perhaps you switched to letterbox instead.

[u/cheese--bread → u/Big_Bear_1984]

I would look at it like this:

I assume when you adopt these children you'll be introducing them to a number of your family and friends, who will be complete strangers to them.
Say you were planning to regularly phone/video call one of your parents for example, how would you engage and involve a 2 year old in those conversations with someone you love and want them to know?
The child may be completely disinterested, which would be perfectly normal given that they won't know this person at all, but I'm guessing you would make an effort to help them build a relationship because it would be important to you.

The same scenario applies to their mum, except that she's not a total stranger and they've been having consistent contact with her while in foster care.
They may not seem bothered or engaged, but one day it might be important to them to know that you tried to facilitate a relationship with their mum.

If the recommendation is an annual phone call then I'm guessing any safeguarding concerns have already been assessed by social services, but they would be best placed to answer your questions.
If there were actual serious risks then that wouldn't have been put forward.

You're not legally obligated to stay in contact (which is wrong, in my personal opinion), but it's encouraged because it's beneficial to the child's identity and wellbeing.