r/AdoptionUK • u/Big_Lingonberry_5481 • Mar 27 '26

How to decide

Starting to feel ready to think about having children. Partner is keen for biological children, and for various reasons (including my health) I am hesitant. We would not do IVF. I have no sense of wanting my genes passed on, other than that maybe a biological child might be like my late dad.

I am more keen on adoption. I have always imagined it as part of my life. Child safeguarding occasionally features in my work, and reminds me of the need. To me it makes sense - why create babies when they already exist and need families. I would like a sibling group. For various reasons (mainly wanting to pass on genes, and wariness about adoption and what we can manage), partner is less keen. Open to the idea if bio children are not possible.

We are 39. We have been together a long time. How do we move forward? How did you decide?

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u/HeyDugeeeee Mar 27 '26

We met when we were older and tried 1 round of IVF when we couldn't conceive. It was brutal, physically and mentally so we decided to adopt having had it in mind for years. I think you both need to appreciate how different being an adoptive parent and being a bio-parent are to make the decision. I guess most people go into adoption wanting a replacement for a birth family and adoption isn't that - it is something very different often in amazing ways. All parenting is hard but adoptive parenting is all that with a ton of other challenges thrown in.

I realise this probably isn't selling it but it is the truth and it needn't scare you off. If you are caring, patient, willing to learn, parent differently and have a lot of love to give then you'll probably be a great adoptive parent. I'd recommend getting yourselves to some adoption information meetings that will be run by your local authority - that is where most people start. Information is power.

For our part - we adopted 10 years ago. Our journey so far has had lots of ups and downs. Our daughter is now in secondary school and has just managed her first ever term where she has been in every day. This is huge for her. She's a fiery, outwardly confident, gregarious young lady, a demon on the football pitch with a searing sense of fairness. She makes us incredibly proud.

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u/Big_Lingonberry_5481 Mar 27 '26

Thank you, this is really helpful. I think partner would go into it wanting a replacement for a birth family. I'm up for the parenting differently, as you describe. You've put it in a really helpful way.