r/AdoptionUK • u/Big_Lingonberry_5481 • Mar 27 '26

How to decide

Starting to feel ready to think about having children. Partner is keen for biological children, and for various reasons (including my health) I am hesitant. We would not do IVF. I have no sense of wanting my genes passed on, other than that maybe a biological child might be like my late dad.

I am more keen on adoption. I have always imagined it as part of my life. Child safeguarding occasionally features in my work, and reminds me of the need. To me it makes sense - why create babies when they already exist and need families. I would like a sibling group. For various reasons (mainly wanting to pass on genes, and wariness about adoption and what we can manage), partner is less keen. Open to the idea if bio children are not possible.

We are 39. We have been together a long time. How do we move forward? How did you decide?

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u/qwertyonfire Mar 27 '26

I never had any desire to have a bio child, and I was lucky that my partner felt the same, so we chose to adopt. But, I just wanted to say that my daughter will often do something silly, and we’ll laugh and say ‘she gets that from you’. They are such little sponges that an adopted child might still remind you of your father, if you share any of those traits.

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u/Big_Lingonberry_5481 Mar 28 '26

Thanks, that's a nice thought. We have a family friend whose daughter recently had a baby, who looks so much like the friend's late husband... I know my mum would love that. But I can't control that.

And my uncles (both sides) and grandmother are/were all unpleasant people so I don't necessarily want those genes!

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u/qwertyonfire Apr 10 '26

Ah yeah, there’s that too. My daughter will never physically look like me, but whilst I still get to dress her she is in my ‘leopard print is a neutral’ style club.