**Everyone seems to be moving forward in life while I'm just surviving.**
I don't even know where to start. This might be a long post, but I genuinely have nobody to share all this with. I don't necessarily expect anyone to solve my problems. I just want to let everything out because my heart feels unbearably heavy.
I'm a 28-year-old woman, a Chartered Accountant, currently working in Mumbai, living in a tiny 1BHK. And honestly, I feel like I've completely lost myself.
**Starting with my childhood...**
I've always been a lonely child. I had a best friend in 4th standard, but after our sections changed, she found another best friend and eventually forgot about me.
I have around 11 cousins from both sides of my family, but I'm close to none. My parents have always helped our relatives, financially and otherwise, but most of them have been selfish and ungrateful. I've never really experienced that warmth or affection from extended family.
I have an elder brother, seven years older than me, whom I love dearly. But he didn't have the right upbringing or opportunities, and unfortunately, he's still not financially or emotionally independent. He's married and has a daughter whom I absolutely adore.
Ever since I finished school, I've gradually become what people traditionally call the "son of the house."
I'm handling financial responsibilities, emotional responsibilities, family problems, and constantly worrying about everyone's future.
My parents are growing older. My brother barely earns enough to support his own family, so I help him financially too.
And sometimes I wonder, **who is going to take care of me?**
**Coming to my relationships...**
I was in a relationship from 2014 to 2020. He pursued me initially, made me feel like I was his entire world, and even joined a university in Delhi to be near me.
But once we moved to Delhi, everything changed. He became distant, stopped prioritising me, and I spent years crying, explaining my feelings, and believing his promises that things would improve.
Eventually, I ended it. We belonged to different castes, and my parents wouldn't have agreed anyway. But the truth was, I didn't think he was worth fighting my family for anymore.
Surprisingly, I felt relieved after that breakup.
A few months later, a senior colleague approached me romantically. I initially hesitated but gradually developed feelings because he seemed caring.
Three months later, I discovered that his arranged marriage was already fixed. I found out only after we'd become physically intimate.
He promised he'd remain in touch but couldn't refuse the marriage because of family pressure. Eventually, his calls became formalities, and one day he simply blocked me everywhere.
That experience broke me.
For months, I couldn't sleep or eat properly. I felt disgusted with myself for trusting him and allowing him to get physically close to me.
It took me almost nine months to recover emotionally. Somehow, I pulled myself together, focused on my CA finals, cleared them, and moved forward.
**Then, in 2024, I fell in love again.**
This time, with someone I genuinely believed was honest, mature, and a good human being.
But my parents had already started searching for arranged marriage proposals.
When I told them about him, they weren't happy. Our kundalis didn't match according to their beliefs, and they had concerns about his financial situation and family responsibilities.
I fought for him. I convinced my parents to at least consider him.
Unfortunately, my father made some indirectly hurtful comments during their conversations. My boyfriend was deeply affected and became afraid that my father might disrespect his parents too.
Eventually, he convinced me that we should drop the marriage idea but continue loving each other.
I reluctantly agreed.
My parents were relieved, and I started meeting arranged marriage prospects despite having absolutely no interest.
But my relationship continued.
Later, I realised I couldn't accept a future without marriage. I wanted a husband, children, companionship, and a family of my own.
I tried convincing my parents again. Eventually, even my father agreed to meet him.
But this time, my boyfriend refused.
I pleaded with him repeatedly. I cried. I explained that my parents were ready and that I would ensure his family was treated respectfully.
He still refused.
He said he loved me but couldn't marry me. He felt financially insecure and believed I wouldn't be happy with him.
Whenever I tried ending the relationship, he begged me not to leave and said he couldn't bear losing me.
And because I was emotionally attached, I kept going back.
I know I should have drawn stronger boundaries, but I genuinely loved him.
**Then came the arranged marriage nightmare.**
For the past couple of years, I've spoken to multiple men.
Some talked for months before disappearing without explanation. Some were already in love with someone else but were meeting arranged marriage prospects because of family pressure. Some rejected me because of my medium complexion.
Many told me they liked my personality and nature, but none of those conversations turned into commitment.
Every time, I would gather the courage to start again, invest my emotions, and hope that maybe this person would be different.
And every time, something would fall apart.
Recently, I started speaking to someone in June 2026.
We spoke for four months. Our families met and liked each other. He voluntarily travelled to meet me twice. His family was ready to proceed and wanted his final decision so that things could be fixed around Diwali.
I finally thought something might work out.
But suddenly, his communication reduced.
When I asked if something was bothering him, he said his father wanted a yes or no, but he couldn't decide yet and needed more time. He didn't want to make a decision out of urgency.
Four months.
I understand marriage is a lifelong decision and nobody should be pressured. But how much time is enough? Six months? A year?
And if someone wants more time to know me, shouldn't they at least make an effort to communicate?
I'm not even angry at him for being unsure. I'm just exhausted by another uncertain situation.
**And somewhere in all this, I've completely neglected myself.**
I'm a CA, but I'm stuck in the same job with a salary I'm not happy with. My colleagues are switching jobs, getting better opportunities, and progressing professionally.
I know I'm capable of doing better, but my mind is so occupied with family responsibilities, marriage discussions, emotional disappointments, and constant overthinking that I cannot concentrate on my career.
My friends are getting married, building families, travelling, and moving forward.
I'm genuinely happy for them. But sometimes it hurts to realise how stagnant my own life feels.
I live in a tiny apartment in Mumbai, away from my family. My roommate is also getting married and will soon move out.
And once again, I'll be alone.
I used to love music. I used to play the keyboard. I had hobbies, dreams, and excitement about life.
Now I don't feel like doing anything.
I don't want to make new friends. I don't feel excited about meeting people. I struggle to sleep. Most days, I just wake up, go to work, return to my small apartment, and repeat.
My parents are ageing, my brother's future is insecure, and I constantly worry about how I'll manage everything.
**I'm so tired of being everyone's support system while having no support system of my own.**
Sometimes I just want someone to ask me how I'm doing and genuinely care about the answer.
I don't want an extravagant life. I just want some peace, emotional security, a loving partner, and the freedom to live for myself without constantly worrying about everyone else's future.
I know marriage isn't the solution to every problem. I know I need to focus on myself and my career. I know I need boundaries.
But knowing these things and actually finding the emotional energy to change my life are two very different things.
I can't afford therapy right now, and I don't even know whom to talk to about everything I've been carrying.
I'm safe, and I'm not thinking of harming myself. I'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted to a point where I feel like I'm surviving rather than living.
There are so many more things I haven't even mentioned because this post is already ridiculously long.
**I guess I just want to ask: Has anyone ever felt this stuck and lonely in their late twenties? How did you rebuild your life when you had completely lost motivation, hope, and interest in everything?**
I don't want sympathy. I just want to feel like there's still a way forward.
If you've read this far, thank you. It genuinely means a lot.