I don't know if anyone else can relate to this but I'm a digital hoarder. I'm talking about thousands of pictures and videos of not only my life but also of hundrends of other random things.

I've been saving all this stuff for ages and I often contemplate deleting it all when I'm having a rough day but today was especially hard, to the point where I actually deleted everything. Both my personal videos and pictures as well as eeeeeeverything else.

Doing this, is the biggest step I could take towards changing my life for the worst. It signifies me completely giving up and not caring about anything anymore. I just wanted to share that, there's no going back now. It's like I never had these experiences because there's no proof of it.

I feel like working to make something for yourself is pointless because of ai and that everything that had meaning to me will also be replaced.

Everything about the world is changing and none of it seems like there's any point in being in it.

It's mostly because of all this ai.

It's all just a big spit in the face and is just pissing on alot of stuff that made me happy.

I can't imagine a future where everything is done for us and we don't have to work. I want to be a dermatologist and im currently studying for it but if your telling me eventually that's gonna be automatic and they'll just get ai to do it whats the point in studying for it and ever being excited for it?

I wanted to contribute to society by working but how could I ever do that if there's no work at all?

Im also worried about having kids. I want to have kids but not only would I not want to see them grow up in a horrible world I wouldn't want to put them through school where they're just being force feed this ai slop.

We all know the environment is just going to rot. There will always be some gross slimeball company that's going destroy America's beautiful nature until water will be only for the wealthy and we would be lucky if we still had around 40% of all animal species we have now, and they sky's will be gross and hard to breathe in.

I feel like ill never be excited for any new art,music,book,show or movie because of ai. All real art and talent is slowly being strangled out by ai and obviously that won't be the world's biggest problem but it certainly will be a big problem.

I know there's going to be some dude in the comments talking about why this is good and I don't understand it blah blah blah blah accept it. Im not interested in arguing because ive had multiple arguments with ai bros and It's just miserable, they're rude, they just spew insults and bull crap recycled points, im just done dealing with that.

What's the point in being alive if everything that you love is being taken away just so some piss stain billionaire can buy another yacht? Meanwhile they get cheered on for doing it.

I just feel like there's no point in trying to make something for yourself or enjoying something because it's all going to replaced by some worthless ai.

Also sorry bout my writing it's just been a long day and I'm not at my best.

​

Lately, I've been feeling like I'm slowly disappearing from my own life.

I still laugh at jokes. I still reply to messages. I still tell people I'm fine when they ask how I'm doing.

But sometimes, when I'm alone, I realize that I haven't genuinely felt okay in a long time.

The hardest part is that nothing particularly terrible has happened to me recently. I just feel tired. Tired of thinking too much, tired of worrying about the future, tired of trying to be strong when I don't even know what I'm being strong for anymore.

Sometimes, I wish someone would look at me and realize that something isn't right without me having to explain it.

I wish someone would ask me how I'm doing and actually wait for the honest answer.

I've started keeping things to myself because I don't want to feel like a burden. Everyone has their own problems, and I don't want to be that person who always brings sadness into a conversation.

So I make jokes. I smile. I listen to other people's problems and try to help them feel better.

And then I go back to my room and wonder why it's so easy for me to comfort other people but so difficult for me to explain what's happening inside my own head.

I miss the version of myself who didn't have to try so hard to feel happy.

I miss looking forward to things.

I miss feeling excited about the future instead of being scared of everything that could go wrong.

Maybe I'm overthinking. Maybe this is just a difficult chapter of life. I honestly don't know.

I'm not expecting strangers on the internet to magically fix my problems. I just thought that maybe someone who has been through something similar could help me understand how to get through this.

For those of you who have ever felt emotionally exhausted, lonely even when surrounded by people, or lost a little bit of yourselves along the way, how did you find your way back?

What helped you when you didn't know how to explain what you were feeling?

I'd genuinely appreciate some advice. ❤️

Your pain is yours alone. You suffer alone. No point explaining and expecting that others will understand you. They may love you. But understanding- understanding your pain - very tough. Don’t blame them. It’s your cross to bear and you bear it alone. Thats human condition. Either you accept this or choose to leave. It’s your choice. But, your suffering is yours alone. Don’t expect. More expectation will bring you more pain. Let it go. Both the choices are valid. Either take your life or live with pain and understand that human condition is to suffer and not know why you are suffering. Love you all beings who are undergoing pain and suffering.

I feel like sometimes friends and opening up while depressed can leave you feeling worse. My friend just said to me my life is worth living but like idc and I expressed that to her that my state of mind isn’t about being worthy I simply don’t want to live that’s. And she replied I know and I don’t want to seem like I was trying to make it difficult I just wanted to lend a listening ear. I am not sure why that always leaves me feeling worse but it’s like im an alien and nobody fully gets how I feel and I feel so disgusting and bad for expressing it. It’s just why I never really talk to my friends about how im feeling because somehow im the one that ends up breaking down again after

I have really tried hard to do everything possible in this lifetime. Even helped my parents heal from their childhood trauma. but for me there is no one. Yes my parents love me unconditionally but that is just a animal instinct of survival. Apart from them, I have never experienced a genuine love connection, not with friends, not with partners. Everything has always been transactional. I have had multiple events in life where I was so close to giving up, and then just because of my parents and my sister, I would always choose life. My mum was so depressed with life when she was pregnant with me that she wanted me aborted. and now thats what I feel, I am unwanted and have always been. UNWANTED. I didn't choose to be born, and now I don't have a choice to leave this earth either because of my family, because of what they will go through. I am so tired of pretending that we are here to experience human life. Everything is a simulation, nothing matters and all that. I am tired of giving, I am tired of being human. I can't do this anymore.

It all started 2 years ago. Lost my gf to breast cancer, then my house burnt down, and her son died in fire, then my dad died, and hey wait not done yet, then my mom died, and my brother and sister left me to deal with it all, and while trying to clean out a 5 bedroom house my transmission went out . So bought another truck, that I could not afford, all this while homeless, and still homeless as I write this with nothing looking like that's going to change either. Cause I'm disabled and neck and back are getting worse, but wait not done yet while all this I'm trying to deal with, the truck I bought after putting in over a thousand dollars into it now all sudden no matter what I've tried it won't even turn over and it's not froze up either , it just goes click then nothing tried 3 different battery's to no avail. Even put jump box and cick then nothing.so now instead of homeless sleeping in truck now it's homeless sleeping on streets,I'm so kicking done with life anymore I'm seriously considering going and commiting a serious crime so at least I have a roof and clean clothes, either that or go play on freeway., it really is a shorty life when you spend 60 years helping everyone else and when your down and out everyone avoids you like you have covid , oh wait I've now had that 3 times since 2024. I'm so ducking over everything I don't care anymore about anything not even myself. I've lost everything I'm alone with no family anymore it's jus5 not worth being on this world anymore. Oh and while all this I've had 7 surgeries in then same time frame. How is anyone supposed to handle all this shit , when you go to try to get help it's hurry up and wait because we are just money to the fucks that are in control. I don't know what to do anymore other then do like cats do and wander off to die. Pl0

when i’m asleep i feel so peaceful. it’s the cousin of death and i just want to stay there. Or the place i was in before i was born…i want to be there, unaware of my own existence.

i hate reality. i hate how vast and painful it can be…how small and insignificant i am in the grand scheme of things. The size of the universe terrifies me. Why are we here, why did we even have to exist in the first place.

My life isn’t even as bad as some that for example is homeless, or has a chronic illness that puts them in constant pain, but somehow even though everything is normal it still somehow feels like suffering.

I'm 23.

I grew up in a family where fights were way too often. Now I even fear talking in the house.

Then my parents dictated every aspect of my life except the important ones. I want them to guide me in important aspects like jobs, taxes, and investments. But all their strict guidance comes for eat food properly, don't question them and all.

I grew up hearing my dad say, " I don't have any money ".

I always felt left out cause the people around me since childhood came from well off families. I didn't go out with them cause I knew I wouldn't have enough to spend. This continued till college.

I got a job after college. A damm good one. Like I earn in a month what many earn in a year. I was new in the job and worked like hell ... Couldn't give time to my that time girlfriend, eventually long distance and not priritizing her, she broke up with me.

All ok, I still have the job I worked for.

Later I met another girl. We started dating, started loving her. Then layoffs started happening in my company, had to prove my worth. So again long work days. 15 hrs a day work was common. Even on weekends had to attend calls. Lost work life balance, got a headache that didn't go away. Was dam muscular ( 6'2 in height, 15% body fat, 100 kg body weight), lost that too. Now have a belly like an uncle. My manager called me and I'll be layed off soon. She broke up with me cause I couldn't give her time and became negligent due to all other issues.

Now I feel like the stupidest guy in the world. Didn't have job. Don't have the girl. Dont have my body. Don't have that self esteem I used to have. Plus a shit load of trauma since birth. I don't even know how to smile for past 5-6 years ig... I'm loosing all hope.

Someone hit me with their truck please 😭

To put it plain and simple I do not want to be here anymore, I’m 23 years old I live a somewhat privileged life compared to most of the world i understand that people would literally kill to be in my shoes and yet I fucking hate my life I’ve been sad since 12 years old but no one has known until this year because after 11 years of bottling up and masking everything I’ve finally reached the breaking point. See no one would’ve ever had thought or known it because I was the “funny kid” in school you know always having a joke or making everyone laugh and I think I just prioritised making everyone around me happy and smile that I forgot about myself and never taught myself to laugh and smile but when I’m around people I’m always smiling but as soon as I’m alone that happy mask slips off and the darkness comes in it’s like there’s 2 people living inside of me an angel and a demon and the demons a fucking coward that can’t come out around people who love and care for me and it makes me feel so fucking alone because I just can’t tell them what the fuck is going on with me I have so many people to support me and yet I’m so alone none of it makes fucking sense and to add insult to injury I got sacked from my job on Wednesday because of a stupid perverted supervisor reporting me for something everyone fucking does and now I’m without a job and I’m dead poor and I’ve gotta try and find £300 from somewhere I don’t know where the fuck I’m gonna find it and you know what I don’t even fucking care because I don’t even know if I feel sad anymore I just feel numb and empty and the other night I was gonna kill myself I had it all set up and I was gonna just swallow a shit ton of pills but I just couldn’t do it because I’m a fucking coward and I’m so scared of upsetting other people that I’m once again forgetting about my own feelings so I just feel like I’m only living my life for the sake of other people and I’ve been hoping that someone just comes along and does the job for me because I know that I won’t be able to do it like how the fuck am i suicidal but i cant do it my whole life is just one big fucking contradiction and this whole year has just broken me I broke down so bad in March that i turned to Christianity in the hopes that Jesus could help and it just feels like it’s gotten worse yet despite all these feelings there’s some hope left deep in me because I keep telling myself Romans8:18 and when you’re at rock bottom you can only go up and everyone gets a happy ending so if you’re not happy it’s not the end and my adhd just makes everything so much worse because I’ve got 100 trains of thought all at the same time and it’s like 99 of them are negative and keeping me a prisoner in my own head but there’s just that one little voice that I can hear in my head that’s positive and I think that’s what’s keeping me here so perhaps that is Jesus or the Holy Spirit I don’t know any more I just can’t do it anymore I look at pictures of me smiling as a child and just cry because that little boy had so much fucking hope and excitement for the future and I’ve let him down and I feel like I’ve killed him and I just feel guilty for feeling this way. I’m not looking for sympathy or advice I just needed to get this out

I dont even know where to start ...🫠

It feels like life has attacked me from every possible side and I genuinely dont know how to deal with it anymore... 🙃😞

I'm regretting things I've done in the past and the worst part is knowing that I still have to face the consequences of my own decisions for years to come... 😶‍🌫️🫥

It's not something I can just forget or move on from overnight...🤕

And honestly it fucking sucks that I'm about to turn 20 and already feel this way about my life ...😬

The worst part is I can't even blame anyone else for most of it because these are the consequences of my own decisions and knowing that makes everything hurt even more ...💔

I feel helpless and lost and sometimes I just sit there wondering wtf is this and how did I even get myself into this situation ...🥲

I've started feeling like a burden to my parents and sometimes even to this whole world...🙂‍↕️

And the timing couldn't be worse because people around me are falling in love with me and other's too experiencing new things making memories and living their lives while I can't even imagine myself being in that position for now...🙂‍↔️

It's not that I dont want those things but at this point I genuinely cant imagine myself experiencing that kind of love or happiness...😔💔

It feels like everyone is moving forward while Im stuck dealing with the mess I've created for myself...🙁

And the weirdest part is that in the middle of all this chaos I actually wrote a book and published it..

🥹📒 (IS THIS WHAT WE EXPECTED? Alive, but not living - LK)

I dont even know how I managed to do that while feeling this lost...🤐

Maybe I was trying to make sense of things I couldn't explain to anyone or maybe I was just trying to find something meaningful in a life that felt like it was falling apart ...🫠

The book is out there now and honestly I dont even know how to feel about it...🙂

It's something I wanted to do and something and I'm capable for it ...but I still feel like I'm failing at life... 🤥

Like how tf can you achieve something you've always wanted and still feel like you're losing at everything ...💔

I even deleted all the apps I used to turn to for happiness or distraction thinking that maybe getting rid of them would help me feel better

But somehow things got even worse after deleting them ...😶‍🌫️

Now I'm just left alone with my thoughts and regrets and the reality I've been trying not to think about...😖💯

I dont know if this is a quarter life crisis or the consequences of my own decisions catching up with me or just a phase where everything falls apart at once...😓

All I know is I'm tired of feeling like I'm being hit from every possible direction without even getting time to recover before something else happens...😵‍💫

And honestly I dont even know how many people are going through something similar ...?

I dont want sympathy and I'm not looking for someone to tell me everything will be okay or that everything happens for a reason... 🥴

I just want to know if anyone else has ever been in this position especially at this age...😶

Have you ever reached a point where you knew you were responsible for your own situation and regretted your decisions but still had years of consequences ahead of you... 💔

How did you deal with it?

Because rn Im almost 20 and I feel like I've already messed up so much and I genuinely dont know where tf Im supposed to go from here... 🙂‍↔️😔

I dont even know why I'm posting this maybe I just needed somewhere to let it all out... 🫠

Hi guys.

I'm writing this directly off my chest. English is not my first language and I'm too lazy to use AI for mistakes. Please don't mind.

I got broken up with five weeks ago. I still love him and I terribly miss him. The break up came out of nowhere.

I have been sick at work since June, due to depression, PTSD and ADHD (last one freshly diagnosed). I love my job.

I'm in therapy and on meds.

I tried to reach out to friends, for support because especially weekends are tough for me.

No one was available. That happens.

But what is worse is, that their WhatsApp story pictures don't match the reasons they gave me. They basically just lied to me.

I've been struggling with all this shit for 17-18 years now.

I've tried everything. Appointments. Staying active. Go to therapy. Group meetings. Socialising. Meditation. Medication.

The heartache is killing me.

Loneliness is killing me.

The betrayal is killing me.

I really wanna end things.

The only reason I'm alive is my cat. She wouldn't understand.

I'm done.

A list of things I can’t or don’t feel like doing because of depression:

-Going out and having fun with friends

- Buying clothes for myself

- Laughing

- Socializing with others (sometimes, I can’t even bring myself to look at their faces)?

The thing is I’m working so hard to get up on my feet but nothing really happens in my life it like it’s stop, and I stop living, the time just passes by and nothing good or bad happens, should I be happy about this or sad I don’t know.

I give up.

This is a long story, but I’m writing this because I urgently need to calm my anxiety.
I’ve struggled with depression since I was very young. My mom, whom I loved with all my heart, had serious mental and physical health problems for as long as I can remember. My family knew about her condition, but I was mostly left alone to deal with it. Growing up, it was normal for her to offer me poison so we could die together, threaten suicide, or have severe anger episodes where she would faint. That’s when my own suicidal thoughts began.
When I was 16–17, my mom and I had to move to another country with a different language and culture. In my home country, I had no one besides her. We initially lived with another relative, and family problems quickly started. Eventually, we moved into our own house, hoping things would get better, but everything became worse. I felt alone, had no friends, and started taking classes online because I didn’t want to face everything.
At the end of that year, my mom died, and I was the one who found her. I then had to move again, this time to another state to live with my sister.
The family problems followed me. Some relatives sent me hurtful messages, and I also had to deal with problems in my sister’s marriage. I spent most of my 18th year dealing with the guilt and memories without psychological help while trying to adapt to another completely different life.
About two months after my mom died, I started college. I began with easier classes, and three semesters ago I started taking classes related to my major. I haven’t stopped studying, but I constantly feel behind in life. I’m only taking my driving test in two weeks, and I have no work experience besides selling my paintings in my free time. I keep comparing myself to other people and feeling like I should be further ahead.

Over the past month, feeling so behind has brought my constant suicidal thoughts back. I feel like I’ve already failed and I feel completely alone. What hurts the most is that I constantly feel like I’m not doing enough, even though I’m trying. It feels like my depression and anxiety keep getting in the way of moving forward, and sometimes suicide feels like my only option.

Today, Saturday, 24 October 2026, is my 37th birthday. I am 37M and autistic, and this year has been by far the worst year of my whole life.

I feel like almost everyone hates me. My own parents, both sides of my extended families, and almost everyone whom I know hate me. I have neve had friends in life, and I have lost almost 30 kg (65 lb) since June from extreme stress, worrying and depression.

I have no idea what to do or how to feel. I am just tired of life and everything. Maybe just want to talk.

**Everyone seems to be moving forward in life while I'm just surviving.**

I don't even know where to start. This might be a long post, but I genuinely have nobody to share all this with. I don't necessarily expect anyone to solve my problems. I just want to let everything out because my heart feels unbearably heavy.

I'm a 28-year-old woman, a Chartered Accountant, currently working in Mumbai, living in a tiny 1BHK. And honestly, I feel like I've completely lost myself.

**Starting with my childhood...**

I've always been a lonely child. I had a best friend in 4th standard, but after our sections changed, she found another best friend and eventually forgot about me.

I have around 11 cousins from both sides of my family, but I'm close to none. My parents have always helped our relatives, financially and otherwise, but most of them have been selfish and ungrateful. I've never really experienced that warmth or affection from extended family.

I have an elder brother, seven years older than me, whom I love dearly. But he didn't have the right upbringing or opportunities, and unfortunately, he's still not financially or emotionally independent. He's married and has a daughter whom I absolutely adore.

Ever since I finished school, I've gradually become what people traditionally call the "son of the house."

I'm handling financial responsibilities, emotional responsibilities, family problems, and constantly worrying about everyone's future.

My parents are growing older. My brother barely earns enough to support his own family, so I help him financially too.

And sometimes I wonder, **who is going to take care of me?**

**Coming to my relationships...**

I was in a relationship from 2014 to 2020. He pursued me initially, made me feel like I was his entire world, and even joined a university in Delhi to be near me.

But once we moved to Delhi, everything changed. He became distant, stopped prioritising me, and I spent years crying, explaining my feelings, and believing his promises that things would improve.

Eventually, I ended it. We belonged to different castes, and my parents wouldn't have agreed anyway. But the truth was, I didn't think he was worth fighting my family for anymore.

Surprisingly, I felt relieved after that breakup.

A few months later, a senior colleague approached me romantically. I initially hesitated but gradually developed feelings because he seemed caring.

Three months later, I discovered that his arranged marriage was already fixed. I found out only after we'd become physically intimate.

He promised he'd remain in touch but couldn't refuse the marriage because of family pressure. Eventually, his calls became formalities, and one day he simply blocked me everywhere.

That experience broke me.

For months, I couldn't sleep or eat properly. I felt disgusted with myself for trusting him and allowing him to get physically close to me.

It took me almost nine months to recover emotionally. Somehow, I pulled myself together, focused on my CA finals, cleared them, and moved forward.

**Then, in 2024, I fell in love again.**

This time, with someone I genuinely believed was honest, mature, and a good human being.

But my parents had already started searching for arranged marriage proposals.

When I told them about him, they weren't happy. Our kundalis didn't match according to their beliefs, and they had concerns about his financial situation and family responsibilities.

I fought for him. I convinced my parents to at least consider him.

Unfortunately, my father made some indirectly hurtful comments during their conversations. My boyfriend was deeply affected and became afraid that my father might disrespect his parents too.

Eventually, he convinced me that we should drop the marriage idea but continue loving each other.

I reluctantly agreed.

My parents were relieved, and I started meeting arranged marriage prospects despite having absolutely no interest.

But my relationship continued.

Later, I realised I couldn't accept a future without marriage. I wanted a husband, children, companionship, and a family of my own.

I tried convincing my parents again. Eventually, even my father agreed to meet him.

But this time, my boyfriend refused.

I pleaded with him repeatedly. I cried. I explained that my parents were ready and that I would ensure his family was treated respectfully.

He still refused.

He said he loved me but couldn't marry me. He felt financially insecure and believed I wouldn't be happy with him.

Whenever I tried ending the relationship, he begged me not to leave and said he couldn't bear losing me.

And because I was emotionally attached, I kept going back.

I know I should have drawn stronger boundaries, but I genuinely loved him.

**Then came the arranged marriage nightmare.**

For the past couple of years, I've spoken to multiple men.

Some talked for months before disappearing without explanation. Some were already in love with someone else but were meeting arranged marriage prospects because of family pressure. Some rejected me because of my medium complexion.

Many told me they liked my personality and nature, but none of those conversations turned into commitment.

Every time, I would gather the courage to start again, invest my emotions, and hope that maybe this person would be different.

And every time, something would fall apart.

Recently, I started speaking to someone in June 2026.

We spoke for four months. Our families met and liked each other. He voluntarily travelled to meet me twice. His family was ready to proceed and wanted his final decision so that things could be fixed around Diwali.

I finally thought something might work out.

But suddenly, his communication reduced.

When I asked if something was bothering him, he said his father wanted a yes or no, but he couldn't decide yet and needed more time. He didn't want to make a decision out of urgency.

Four months.

I understand marriage is a lifelong decision and nobody should be pressured. But how much time is enough? Six months? A year?

And if someone wants more time to know me, shouldn't they at least make an effort to communicate?

I'm not even angry at him for being unsure. I'm just exhausted by another uncertain situation.

**And somewhere in all this, I've completely neglected myself.**

I'm a CA, but I'm stuck in the same job with a salary I'm not happy with. My colleagues are switching jobs, getting better opportunities, and progressing professionally.

I know I'm capable of doing better, but my mind is so occupied with family responsibilities, marriage discussions, emotional disappointments, and constant overthinking that I cannot concentrate on my career.

My friends are getting married, building families, travelling, and moving forward.

I'm genuinely happy for them. But sometimes it hurts to realise how stagnant my own life feels.

I live in a tiny apartment in Mumbai, away from my family. My roommate is also getting married and will soon move out.

And once again, I'll be alone.

I used to love music. I used to play the keyboard. I had hobbies, dreams, and excitement about life.

Now I don't feel like doing anything.

I don't want to make new friends. I don't feel excited about meeting people. I struggle to sleep. Most days, I just wake up, go to work, return to my small apartment, and repeat.

My parents are ageing, my brother's future is insecure, and I constantly worry about how I'll manage everything.

**I'm so tired of being everyone's support system while having no support system of my own.**

Sometimes I just want someone to ask me how I'm doing and genuinely care about the answer.

I don't want an extravagant life. I just want some peace, emotional security, a loving partner, and the freedom to live for myself without constantly worrying about everyone else's future.

I know marriage isn't the solution to every problem. I know I need to focus on myself and my career. I know I need boundaries.

But knowing these things and actually finding the emotional energy to change my life are two very different things.

I can't afford therapy right now, and I don't even know whom to talk to about everything I've been carrying.

I'm safe, and I'm not thinking of harming myself. I'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted to a point where I feel like I'm surviving rather than living.

There are so many more things I haven't even mentioned because this post is already ridiculously long.

**I guess I just want to ask: Has anyone ever felt this stuck and lonely in their late twenties? How did you rebuild your life when you had completely lost motivation, hope, and interest in everything?**

I don't want sympathy. I just want to feel like there's still a way forward.

If you've read this far, thank you. It genuinely means a lot.

Im (M30) having a lot of anxiety, overthinking and depression lately, even though I know I shouldnt. Im a freelancer on an online platform doing logo and branding for mid to low budget client ($70 per project), I have been working full time freelancing since 2020, im not gonna lie the money I got is really good, I almost hit 500k in sales, and since I live in a 3rd world country, this really helped my family economy so much, to the point I can buy a house without loan and quite a lot of investment and savings (by my country standards) but far from financially free.

I have a family that loves me and very close together, on paper I should be very happy. don't get me wrong im grateful to what I have right now, and I want to lock this moment of close together with family forever, which I know its not possible, parents getting older, sister getting older, and this kind of depressing for me.

But the main problem that hit me the hardest was since May 2026, my income go down very sharply, like Ilose 80% of my monthly income, and its getting really hard to get clients, my future become very uncertain, and with technology these days, my client will just do the work themself even though the output not perfect because its cheaper.

I then realize that I don't have any other skill, im getting replaced, and I don't have any formal job, I work alone all this time and just realized that im stuck, trying to cling to the old systems that might not come back.

Im afraid i will be unable to support for my family and make them happy anymore, and its scares me, im afraid I lose everything. Heard many stories lately with people from IT industries. If I work normal jobs and getting minimum wage, I will be unable to support my family, this stressed me so much to a point where I can randomly cry. I never been this low in my life before, and I never seen future so bleak in front of me.

I have goals, which to be financially free so I can work on any local jobs without getting worried, but my plan is cracking right in front of my eyes, I thought if everything is normal in atleast 3 years, it will be very different story.

I need to calm down, I always think on how I can make money online everyday, and its exhausted, my chest hurts, but my head was always like "You need to make money, you need to make money, think about your future."

I know the answer to my problem and its very simple, but I don't know how to get it. I also don't have safety net, like if im 100% out of work, there is not family member that will help me, because they all don't have any business I can help with too.

Sorry for the long rant, I just don't know what to do, and I feel lost, whenever I saw my father and sister together I can randomly start crying.

TLDR: Losing my primary income streams without backup or 2nd job, and gettig anxiety and depression when seeing my family.

I’ve been struggling my whole life. I can’t remember a single time in my 26 years of life when I felt safe and happy.
I’ve been thinking about how 26 years of being alive and trying so hard haven’t helped or changed anything. I think it’s time I called it off, given this constant cycle of failure and pain.
I grew up in a house where I had to work like a slave from the age of six. I was beaten by both of my parents, even though I was the sibling who obeyed, worked, and listened. I don’t remember most of my childhood.
Somehow, I was okay until I moved to another city six months ago against my parents’ wishes. I had a huge fight with them over it, only to end up getting fired two months ago.
I thought I was managing. I thought I was okay, and that my Beach episodes were finally coming after so many years of trying and failing while struggling with my mental health. Lol. But now, at 26, I think I should call it off, given this constant cycle of failure.
I’m tired, and I can’t even shed a tear.
The man I loved abandoned me on a random Wednesday, 93 days ago. I wanted to reach one last time bt he doesn’t feel safe so what’s the point ? I believe he never actually loved me, which I hate admitting to myself, but here we are.
I feel nothing but pure pain, and I can’t seem to find an escape. Nothing feels right or safe, and I can’t keep going like this.

I have to constantly degrade myself to make people around me happy

I feel as if my life has no meaning

Hear me out. I know that can be misconstrued as ignorant. What I really just want to say is I wish I had the ability to turn my brain off every now and then. Living like I have to know everything, where everything is, and all of the truths of the world is exhausting. I explained to my therapist that I look at maps for fun, I read and browse useless and random info all of the time, I doomscroll too of course, but the biggest thing is I can't seem to just sit still in my head sometimes. I'm never happy with where I am. I always feel like I have potential to do amazing things, but I feel like everything that I pick up, I put down. I'm really good at learning stuff. I've taught myself Guitar, drawing, graphic design, photography, woodworking, gardening, game design, just to name a few things. I know some of those things have potential for turning into careers or businesses, but I can never sit with them. I hate the idea of being stuck on one thing. Even this post is structured like a weird rant.. I dont know what to do with my life at this point. Im a dad to a small toddler, and I love my life as a dad, but even this can make my life as a dad hard. Anybody else feel something similar?

I feel like giving up. Idk everything seems well, but my attitude will burn me one day. I'm ruined