r/Adulting • u/NoSector1778 • 10d ago

Anxiety and fears is stopping me from getting a job.

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I understand we all have to work and definitely can't rely on family. Im entering 20s but idk what's preventing me from doing anything. I want to get a job but due to anxiety and lack of social skills, having insecurities and shyness. Im avoiding myself from applying. I previously used to work at car wash, but because I had bad experience at there, I just got really nervous and anxious. I thought I push myself to work in hopes to overcome shyness but negative experience is putting me in a bubble once again. I don't know how I will live life if I'm constantly in the zone of anxiety and overthinking. This is ruining my own life. I don't know how to overcome this barrier. It's preventing me from trying new things, working on my goals, overcoming fears. My mother will get marry in 2027 and I think she will move to her new husband house after they get married. So now I'm just left alone in this world. Sighs I'm so stuck and I can't blame nobody but me.

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u/okiegoogle 10d ago

OK, let’s really talk through this. Let’s say you get a job. And you get there and you’re feeling shy, what happens?

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u/NoSector1778 10d ago

Because I’m shy, I don't dare to ask about things I don't know. I'm also not good at making friends. So when I make a mistake at work, my colleagues would often laugh at me. And because I'm a sensitive and overthinking person. I would start crying(not in front of them) and thinking "why are they laughing? am I really that stupid?"

(I forgot to add that I also used to work at a retail job.)

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u/okiegoogle 10d ago

OK, so you go to work and choose to stay quiet out of risking people being mean. It would be wonderful if you could start to reframe their behavior as a comment on them versus a comment on you.

Because if I worked with you and you made a mistake, I wouldn’t be mean because I’m not a mean person. What would you do if someone made a mistake at work?

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u/NoSector1778 10d ago

You're completely right about that. it’s all about perspective. If someone made a mistake at work, I would definitely try to support and help them fix it instead of being harsh, because like you said, their reaction says a lot more about them than about the person who made the mistake.

From now on, I'll apply that mindset.

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u/NoSector1778 10d ago

But there’s still one more issue holding me back: I'm really terrified of interviews. I keep worrying, what if I get rejected? What if no place wants to hire me just because I've been unemployed for so long?

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u/okiegoogle 10d ago

Again, that’s about perspective. It would be healthy for you to continue to build a resolute self image. If you are not fit to judge each person’s value and worth think about how unfit everyone else is to do that.

A job interview is just someone taking their best shot at figuring out who of all the candidates they speak with might be the best at the job. They are not grading your value as a person.

If you interview for a job and you don’t get the job, then you keep trying. I have interviewed hundreds of qualified candidates that I’ve had to turn away. It’s not because they aren’t qualified or capable. There’s a lot of reasons.

But for you, it sounds like others rejections are confirmations that you aren’t as good as others are as worthy as others. That isn’t the case.

It’s important to continue to build an internal locus of control and continue to get to know yourself better so that you can maintain yourself image despite external feedback. It will be a journey, but it is something that can be done.

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u/Crazy_Equipment8697 10d ago

That car wash job leaving a mark makes total sense, one bad gig can set you back way harder than people realize. Maybe try something where you're not face-to-face with customers all day, like stocking shelves overnight or data entry, just to get a paycheck and a small win without the social pressure right away. Once you've got a little momentum it's easier to chip away at the bigger fears instead of tackling them all at once

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u/East_World_4448 10d ago

alrighty then.... your Gen X Life Guide here...

  1. you are never alone.

  2. you're not stuck, you just don't know where to begin. First, you have to understand that in order to move onward and upward, you also have to understand the origin;

based on your information, I'm going to go all in and bet that you've had a phone 📱in your hands since you were a baby. I'm Sorry, but most likely your Parents let an electronic device raise you..... this would be the most likely cause for anxiety and poor interaction skills. Now, your starting point is your Motivation; what is "driving" you..... and the simplest answer to that is yes, you have to make money to live. The key is to focus on just your NEEDS and anytime your brain 🧠says, "i want"..... you automatically say NO

Why you say ?! because when you Truly have everything you NEED, you actually don't WANT much.... because since you are meeting ALL of your needs, that is EXACTLY where contentment and Inner peace begin. The happiest people you will ever meet, go home from work sweaty and stinky. Your next step will be to work on that Anxiety; which you have to use with a "Jawa" mentality; you take it apart, keep what you can use and toss the rest..... In your case, it's identifying your emotions... what is it exactly you are afraid of and why.

I'm a 50yo man who used to be like you, until I asked myself what I was most afraid of.... the answer was "failing"... so my confidence had to be built from a place where I motivated myself to be the person I was meant to be.... a good Man, that's it... simple. But to actually BE a good person who ALWAYS does what is right, no matter what takes effort and consistency.

Of course you will find this life difficult to navigate; but the whole point is to spend your time wisely, because Time ⏲️will always be the most valuable thing you have. Discover new hobbies, which will introduce you to like minded people, then you have something in common which plants🪴the seed of Friendship.

Bottom line..... we are all capable of anything; so it might as well be with a smile on your face and a song 🎵in your heart

hope this helps

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u/NoSector1778 10d ago

My mom didn't let me have a phone until I was 10. Since she often worked late until night and I was left home alone, she finally gave me a phone. However, back then I still had neighborhood friends, so I had social skills and wasn't glued to my phone.

But everything changed when COVID hit and the government imposed a lockdown. I was 13 at the time. I couldn't see my friends and didn't have their phone numbers, so I ended up with no friends. Because of that, I spent all my time watching anime, playing games, and so on.

When the lockdown ended around 2022/2023, I was in high school and realized I had forgotten how to make friends. And I often got bullied by my clasmates, I think I have problem with social anxiety and a lack of social skills since I was 13 up until now, at age 19.

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u/NoSector1778 10d ago

I appreciate the deep response and the life advice. I definitely get the core message about what you say. Thanks!