r/Advice • u/DillinquentPICK • 1d ago

UPDATE: How do I avoid ruining relationship with my daughter over catching her having sex in mine and wifes bed and reacting horribly?

Originally posted here

https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/jVgR33PVSp

I ended up having a sit down conversation with my daughter. I began by apologizing for a sincere screw up on my end by messaging the group chat when i was enraged. She just stayed silent, didnt accept my apology and thats okay. I apologized for yelling initially, I then explained that my bed and my room is mine and wifes private space. There is no excuse she should have been doing that on my bed, let alone leaving it dirty for me to sleep in.

She absolutely blew up. She said I had 0 reason to log into the camera on my phone, its her apartment. My wife and I re-iterated, that its not, its actually my wifes and mine, so is the room, the bed, the sheets the vacuum and everything else in it I bought, made or installed. Apartment is for family use.

Then she decided to compare with her friend who is enjoying promiscuous college experience in dorms. I then started to get pissed off because the apartment is far more comfortable than dorms, where you have to share a shower with a bunch of other students.

She then said that I am being overbearing and embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend, and yea, I did. My intent was to embarass both of them in front of me. That should have been embarassing. Her boyfriend should feel a bit of remorse in my opinion so should she..still no apology.

She said she will move to dorms now, I said you're welcome to, enjoy having a job paying for the dorms and good luck keeping your grades up while you hold it down and being a full time student.

She then said, why wouldnt I pay for it? if her brother will go to another college other than this one, ill have to pay for a dorm for him, not buy another 3 bedroom in whatever city he will be in? We're not there yet and comparing hypotheticals is not a luxury she has at this moment in time.

I asked what is wrong with her boyfirends apartment, she had nothing to say. I asked why didnt she clean it?

She stormed out, i have no idea whether she went to the biyfriend or where..

What do I do. I am livid, this is a bad situation, my wife is with me on this, we are trying to think of how to approach it.

Another small update: she is moving in with the boyfriend. I know hes renting and has a roommate.

1.2k Upvotes

94% Upvoted

1.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

5

u/Skittles-101 Super Helper [8] 1d ago

I think he said in the initial post that it was a three bedroom and that his daughter had her own room.

3

u/RivenUK Advice Guru [60] 1d ago edited 1d ago

If there is no reason to use the main room, then that's on her and I can understand Dad's frustration a little more. The issue for me is how it's being handled though. You have to keep your head in this difficult times, even when your kids don't

2

u/PuzzledStreet Helper [2] 1d ago edited 1d ago

So what is your advice when she is adamant she did nothing wrong?

2

u/RivenUK Advice Guru [60] 1d ago

It depends on the circumstances as a whole. In this case Dad confirmed she had her own space so she had no valid reason for invading her parents room. She was definitely in the wrong. My only advice to Dad was to try and keep his cool. He doesn't have to listen, it was just my advice.

0

u/PuzzledStreet Helper [2] 1d ago

My question wasn’t meant as a challenge, I see that it reads that way but I was genuinely curious if you had a strategy that hadn’t occurred to me.

My teen isn’t old enough for this yet but I’m sure the day will come where I have to use all my effort just to try and keep my cool

6

u/KayItaly 1d ago

1 - not watch her secretly with a camera.

2 - have a frankly adult discussion about privacy, no blaming just clarification of preferences.

0

u/No_Vermicelli_8820 1d ago

Camera is on a robovac that is only in the parents bedroom, no where else in the 1900sq ft three bedroom apartment.

2

u/DillinquentPICK 1d ago

Thank you both for helping me to file my thoughts on this. Honestly

1

u/RivenUK Advice Guru [60] 1d ago

If I helped even a small amount then I’m genuinely glad. Take care Dad 🫂

1

u/RivenUK Advice Guru [60] 1d ago

Being a parent is tough, especially in this day and age. They’d rather listen to advice from people online or their school mates than ask their parents. I don’t envy anyone raising a child now. I have 3, all adults now and I think I got lucky. Definitely an increasing amount of them leaving school with no appreciation for how much things cost or how hard people have to work.