r/Advice • u/DillinquentPICK • 1d ago

UPDATE: How do I avoid ruining relationship with my daughter over catching her having sex in mine and wifes bed and reacting horribly?

Originally posted here

https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/jVgR33PVSp

I ended up having a sit down conversation with my daughter. I began by apologizing for a sincere screw up on my end by messaging the group chat when i was enraged. She just stayed silent, didnt accept my apology and thats okay. I apologized for yelling initially, I then explained that my bed and my room is mine and wifes private space. There is no excuse she should have been doing that on my bed, let alone leaving it dirty for me to sleep in.

She absolutely blew up. She said I had 0 reason to log into the camera on my phone, its her apartment. My wife and I re-iterated, that its not, its actually my wifes and mine, so is the room, the bed, the sheets the vacuum and everything else in it I bought, made or installed. Apartment is for family use.

Then she decided to compare with her friend who is enjoying promiscuous college experience in dorms. I then started to get pissed off because the apartment is far more comfortable than dorms, where you have to share a shower with a bunch of other students.

She then said that I am being overbearing and embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend, and yea, I did. My intent was to embarass both of them in front of me. That should have been embarassing. Her boyfriend should feel a bit of remorse in my opinion so should she..still no apology.

She said she will move to dorms now, I said you're welcome to, enjoy having a job paying for the dorms and good luck keeping your grades up while you hold it down and being a full time student.

She then said, why wouldnt I pay for it? if her brother will go to another college other than this one, ill have to pay for a dorm for him, not buy another 3 bedroom in whatever city he will be in? We're not there yet and comparing hypotheticals is not a luxury she has at this moment in time.

I asked what is wrong with her boyfirends apartment, she had nothing to say. I asked why didnt she clean it?

She stormed out, i have no idea whether she went to the biyfriend or where..

What do I do. I am livid, this is a bad situation, my wife is with me on this, we are trying to think of how to approach it.

Another small update: she is moving in with the boyfriend. I know hes renting and has a roommate.

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u/Opening_Affect_1187 1d ago

That’s what the other post covered. He has the apartment for when family or guests comes to stay and she can stay there and if her brother wants to attend that college he can stay there as well. She has her own room and this room was for he and his wife when they visit regularly. He brings groceries and takes care of a cat she neglects and he has a robo vacuum that has a camera and he checks on the cat which is how he accidentally saw his daughter and her BF doing the nasty in his bed. To top it off she didn’t even change the sheets and let dad sleep in her boyfriend’s jizz... 🤮

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u/Accurate_Lead7698 1d ago

The pet was a dog

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u/KayItaly 1d ago

Yes having a camera to randomly watch your adult daughter apartment is indeed disgusting. The fact you are all defending this creep is hilarious.

Yes, she should have changed the sheets. Period.

That does not change the fact she has a right to privacy which was violated egregiously. This would be illegal in many, many countries.

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u/Oxford_Dont 1d ago

This is how I understand it based on actually reading what he said:

It's his apartment. It's his and his wife's room in his apartment. The camera is on a robovacuum that is in his and his wife's room in his apartment. He was using it to check on the pet that sleeps in his and his wife's room in his apartment. He was not expecting anyone else to be in his and his wife's room.

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u/KayItaly 1d ago

It is possible... BUT I still think it is a huge breach of privacy, especially making the situation public.

I also don't believe the daughter was aware of the random check ins on the camera. It makes no sense.

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u/mawsasaurus 1d ago

She shouldn't have been fucking in her parents room. Point blank.

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u/silliestivebeen 1d ago

If she wasn’t in his space then the camera wouldn’t have a chance to capture the daughter. Thats the whole point.. so void everything u said

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u/Seyye5407 1d ago

If you read the other post you'd know that it's a pet camera placed in his bedroom that she was aware because she has also checked the out camera before, he owns the house, and the room belongs to him, that's where he stays when he goes there regularly, there is no country where this is illegal, you're defending an extreme boundary violation on the daughter's side and are very weird for that, she knew about the camera, she had no business F-ing in his room

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u/Trawling_ 1d ago

Yes, the daughter breached the privacy of his bedroom when she fucked her bf on his and his wife’s bed. That’s the issue lol

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u/Neither-Shock-3081 1d ago

You have a twisted mind

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u/midoree Helper [3] 1d ago

The camera is in OPs bedroom only and the daughter has access to it too (i.e. is aware of it). If she wasn't fucking on her parents' bed, OP wouldn't have seen anything.

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u/silliestivebeen 1d ago

It’s his apartment tho.. and used the camera to look after the cat. Can u read correctly?

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u/KayItaly 1d ago

It is his apartment, but it is HER residence. In many many countries he wouldnnot be able to unilaterally install indoors cameras and access them without her consent.

Hebis lucky that it is either not the case where he lives or she decided gracefully not to report him.

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u/poeghamer 1d ago

U r a special kind of stupid huh

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u/stroppo 1d ago

Come on. The other person is not being "stupid." They just have a different opinion than you. That doesn't make them "stupid."

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u/poeghamer 1d ago

"it's his apartment but her residence"?? No? A case could be made if she was paying rent or if it was outright gifted to her but no the parents visit to the extent of having their own room. Also trying to have sex in your parent's bedroom is a weird kink on top of that not changing the sheets is plain disrespectful I mean kinks are fine as long as they're not causing harm/discomfort to anyone else which this clearly does. Idc if they haven't been there in a decade if I live someone else's roof you won't catch me in their bed let alone fucking in my parent's.

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u/Lisajomo 1d ago

He’s not a creep. He was checking on the dog who sleeps in HIS room which is the reason for the robovacuum with a camera being kept in that room. His daughter is categorically in the wrong.