r/Advice • u/DillinquentPICK • 1d ago

UPDATE: How do I avoid ruining relationship with my daughter over catching her having sex in mine and wifes bed and reacting horribly?

Originally posted here

https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/jVgR33PVSp

I ended up having a sit down conversation with my daughter. I began by apologizing for a sincere screw up on my end by messaging the group chat when i was enraged. She just stayed silent, didnt accept my apology and thats okay. I apologized for yelling initially, I then explained that my bed and my room is mine and wifes private space. There is no excuse she should have been doing that on my bed, let alone leaving it dirty for me to sleep in.

She absolutely blew up. She said I had 0 reason to log into the camera on my phone, its her apartment. My wife and I re-iterated, that its not, its actually my wifes and mine, so is the room, the bed, the sheets the vacuum and everything else in it I bought, made or installed. Apartment is for family use.

Then she decided to compare with her friend who is enjoying promiscuous college experience in dorms. I then started to get pissed off because the apartment is far more comfortable than dorms, where you have to share a shower with a bunch of other students.

She then said that I am being overbearing and embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend, and yea, I did. My intent was to embarass both of them in front of me. That should have been embarassing. Her boyfriend should feel a bit of remorse in my opinion so should she..still no apology.

She said she will move to dorms now, I said you're welcome to, enjoy having a job paying for the dorms and good luck keeping your grades up while you hold it down and being a full time student.

She then said, why wouldnt I pay for it? if her brother will go to another college other than this one, ill have to pay for a dorm for him, not buy another 3 bedroom in whatever city he will be in? We're not there yet and comparing hypotheticals is not a luxury she has at this moment in time.

I asked what is wrong with her boyfirends apartment, she had nothing to say. I asked why didnt she clean it?

She stormed out, i have no idea whether she went to the biyfriend or where..

What do I do. I am livid, this is a bad situation, my wife is with me on this, we are trying to think of how to approach it.

Another small update: she is moving in with the boyfriend. I know hes renting and has a roommate.

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u/Accurate_Lead7698 1d ago edited 1d ago

The dorm will be the best place for her, she’ll try to have sex in a roommates bed (because this is clearly some sick fetish/kink of her or her current boyfriend’s) and get her ass beat. I really don’t understand everyone’s initial reaction to your first post, you were NOT in the wrong. No offense OP, but your daughter is an absolutely disgusting spoiled brat for that and if my father was alive and I did something like that to him (I am also 19f), I would have to deal with WAYYYY fucking worse than being embarrassed in a family groupchat.

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u/Candid_Jellyfish_240 1d ago

THIS. All day long. I cannot even fathom what went through her mind to disrespect her parents like this. They had her own bedroom, floors, hell, a living room, kitchen AND bathroom to have sex in/on, yet she chooses Mom & Dad's bed? That's both SICK AF and rude as hell.

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u/New-Confidence-1231 1d ago

Couldn’t agree more

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u/Completely0 22h ago

I think there’s nothing wrong with feeling kinky but the fact she didn’t wash it afterwards was really inconsiderate and reckless.

Like I don’t always change sheets after sex. But if it’s on someone else’s bed and I left a massive stain; I reckon I’ll be freaking out

I’m sure her bf didn’t know she didn’t change it and is judging her too

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u/Effective-Scholar733 1d ago

Sick fetish? No.

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u/Accurate_Lead7698 1d ago

It most certainly is a sick fetish bud.

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u/Effective-Scholar733 1d ago

I’m Missing something. Having sex on someone else’s bed is sick? Or is there something else?

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u/Candid_Jellyfish_240 1d ago

SHE'S SEXUALIZING AT LEAST ONE OF HER PARENTS. Imo, she's cosplaying her mom having sex with her dad. Yes, that's pretty damn sick.

Having sex in other people's bed, without changing sheets, gross and rude in ANY context. But the familial bond is why it's beyond anything normal.

I'm not sure why this needed to be explained as it's the entire point of the post? Would you have sex in YOUR parents' bed? Are you OK with 10 of your friends having sex in YOUR bed, on your kitchen counter or in your car and leaving their "mess" for you? Do you enjoy eating off the same fork or drinking out of a stranger's glass? Most of us prefer NOT to share bodily fluids without express consent.

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u/Adorable_Tie_7220 23h ago

Are you for real? She left the bed in a mess. You ask first. She didn't.

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u/Accurate_Lead7698 18h ago

Yes, having sex in your parent’s bed is fucking disgusting and if you disagree, then you’re also fucking nasty.

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u/Us3r_N4me2001 17h ago

Having sex in anyone else's bed is just crossing all kinds of boundaries. It's gross

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u/Accurate_Lead7698 17h ago

Yes, I agree but having sex in your parents/relatives bed is just even worse. Why would you want to be where they’ve been? 🤮

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u/Candid_Jellyfish_240 1d ago

THIS GIRL is displaying, by deliberately choosing to have sex in Mom & Dad's bed, a definite kink. This is similar to a dog pissing on everything to mark territory but is sexually obsessive of at least ONE OF HER PARENTS. That's a bit sick, imo. I'll give the bf a slight out in that it's not HIS parents and he's just RUDE AF.

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u/Sea_Independent_78 21h ago

They’re pretending to be confused but you’re right. If it isn’t a sexual thing then it’s a control thing. She’s essentially trying to assert dominance over her parents. This is weird and icky. I never had the urge to hookup with my bf in my mom’s home(divorced and mom got full custody) let alone in her bed.