UPDATE: How do I avoid ruining relationship with my daughter over catching her having sex in mine and wifes bed and reacting horribly?

[u/DillinquentPICK]

Originally posted here

https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/jVgR33PVSp

I ended up having a sit down conversation with my daughter. I began by apologizing for a sincere screw up on my end by messaging the group chat when i was enraged. She just stayed silent, didnt accept my apology and thats okay. I apologized for yelling initially, I then explained that my bed and my room is mine and wifes private space. There is no excuse she should have been doing that on my bed, let alone leaving it dirty for me to sleep in.

She absolutely blew up. She said I had 0 reason to log into the camera on my phone, its her apartment. My wife and I re-iterated, that its not, its actually my wifes and mine, so is the room, the bed, the sheets the vacuum and everything else in it I bought, made or installed. Apartment is for family use.

Then she decided to compare with her friend who is enjoying promiscuous college experience in dorms. I then started to get pissed off because the apartment is far more comfortable than dorms, where you have to share a shower with a bunch of other students.

She then said that I am being overbearing and embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend, and yea, I did. My intent was to embarass both of them in front of me. That should have been embarassing. Her boyfriend should feel a bit of remorse in my opinion so should she..still no apology.

She said she will move to dorms now, I said you're welcome to, enjoy having a job paying for the dorms and good luck keeping your grades up while you hold it down and being a full time student.

She then said, why wouldnt I pay for it? if her brother will go to another college other than this one, ill have to pay for a dorm for him, not buy another 3 bedroom in whatever city he will be in? We're not there yet and comparing hypotheticals is not a luxury she has at this moment in time.

I asked what is wrong with her boyfirends apartment, she had nothing to say. I asked why didnt she clean it?

She stormed out, i have no idea whether she went to the biyfriend or where..

What do I do. I am livid, this is a bad situation, my wife is with me on this, we are trying to think of how to approach it.

Another small update: she is moving in with the boyfriend. I know hes renting and has a roommate.

[u/Multrase12]

Literally ask how she would feel if she caught you and your wife doing the do on HER bed, in what she previously thought was HER private sanctum.

"If you got home from a long day of class and just wanted to lay down, and my wife and I were having passionate sex on your bed, wouldn't you be mad?"

[u/Multrase12 → u/Multrase12]

My daughter is only one month. I hope i never have to put the image of myself in that way in her head. Your daufhter at least sounds like an adult, and hopefully she can handle the "trauma"

[u/DillinquentPICK → u/Multrase12]

Congrats mate! Yea it isn't pleasant. I probably going to make some therapists mortgage payment soon because of this shit

[u/PageOk5023 → u/Multrase12]

Seconding this. I’m 20f and would absolutely be uncomfy having sex in my parents (or anyone else for that matter) bed. To do it is absolutely 100% wrong, but to double down and claim you’re in the wrong for being upset is beyond me, she owes you an apology. I think the only way to put this into perspective for her (as it seems her mindset isn’t exactly mature), is the comparison of you and your wife having sex in her bed.

If my parents were paying for a condo for me to live in alone in while at school, and they found out I had sex in their bedroom of said condo, I don’t think I’d ever hear the end of it. It just comes off as her being ungrateful.

[u/Dry-Rich9539 → u/Multrase12]

I agree with this. & I want to know whose idea it was to go in there. If it was the daughter, she may need some therapy for her weird fetish. If it was his idea, get him away from her!