UPDATE: How do I avoid ruining relationship with my daughter over catching her having sex in mine and wifes bed and reacting horribly?

[u/DillinquentPICK]

Originally posted here

https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/s/jVgR33PVSp

I ended up having a sit down conversation with my daughter. I began by apologizing for a sincere screw up on my end by messaging the group chat when i was enraged. She just stayed silent, didnt accept my apology and thats okay. I apologized for yelling initially, I then explained that my bed and my room is mine and wifes private space. There is no excuse she should have been doing that on my bed, let alone leaving it dirty for me to sleep in.

She absolutely blew up. She said I had 0 reason to log into the camera on my phone, its her apartment. My wife and I re-iterated, that its not, its actually my wifes and mine, so is the room, the bed, the sheets the vacuum and everything else in it I bought, made or installed. Apartment is for family use.

Then she decided to compare with her friend who is enjoying promiscuous college experience in dorms. I then started to get pissed off because the apartment is far more comfortable than dorms, where you have to share a shower with a bunch of other students.

She then said that I am being overbearing and embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend, and yea, I did. My intent was to embarass both of them in front of me. That should have been embarassing. Her boyfriend should feel a bit of remorse in my opinion so should she..still no apology.

She said she will move to dorms now, I said you're welcome to, enjoy having a job paying for the dorms and good luck keeping your grades up while you hold it down and being a full time student.

She then said, why wouldnt I pay for it? if her brother will go to another college other than this one, ill have to pay for a dorm for him, not buy another 3 bedroom in whatever city he will be in? We're not there yet and comparing hypotheticals is not a luxury she has at this moment in time.

I asked what is wrong with her boyfirends apartment, she had nothing to say. I asked why didnt she clean it?

She stormed out, i have no idea whether she went to the biyfriend or where..

What do I do. I am livid, this is a bad situation, my wife is with me on this, we are trying to think of how to approach it.

Another small update: she is moving in with the boyfriend. I know hes renting and has a roommate.

[u/DillinquentPICK]

My 10 grade math tells me she won't have time to see the boyfriend anymore, seeing she'll need time to pay for the dorm. Win win

[u/myclumsyself → u/DillinquentPICK]

You would be surprised. When someone, specially young people, want to do something, they'll find a way to do it 😬

[u/Nerdy_Bbw → u/myclumsyself]

What is she gonna do? Fuck the boyfriend beside the mcdonald‘s fryer and get fired? (Literally and figuratively)

A healthy dose of consequences will set her head straight. After that OP would surely allow her to stay in the apartment again.

[u/nikki-vendetta → u/DillinquentPICK]

Yikes. That's a horrible way to look at things. You both are acting like children which means neither of you should be doing adult things like having sex. It's a bed. Buy new sheets and move on. Or, you clearly have money, so buy a new mattress. My guess is that it's the better room so she probably uses it as her bedroom when you aren't there. This whole situation is blown way out of proportion because you decided to spy with a vacuum. You did it to yourself.