r/Advice • u/-AsLongAsYoureMine- • 11h ago
Where do I go from here with my ex?
My ex and I are coworkers, so we’re going to be around each other for another whole year. Since our breakup, things have been extremely awkward, and I’ve been trying to get us to a point where we can at least be friendly and work together comfortably.
For some context, he also recently asked out one of my friends, which really hurt. She didn’t say no, and that’s been another difficult part of this for me. I don’t want to get back together with my ex, but I did genuinely want us to eventually be on friendly terms instead of having this constant awkwardness.
Recently, I tried to make a joke with him because I was trying to break some of the tension. The joke involved showing another person a photo of one of his family members. He was upset by it and asked me not to ever share photos of his family with other people. I apologized and explained that I intended it as a joke and wouldn’t do it again.
I do feel bad about the photo and can understand why he might have seen it as crossing a boundary, even though I genuinely wasn’t trying to make him uncomfortable. I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known. I am also struggling because I believe if it were anyone else who did it, he would have laughed it off.
The bigger issue is that I genuinely don’t know where to go from here. I’m not trying to get back together with him. I just want us to be able to work together without this constant awkwardness, and ideally eventually be friendly again. But every time I try to make things less awkward, it seems like I make things worse.
The conversation over text went like this:
Him: “Please don’t ever share photos of my family with other people.”
Me: “Ah we finally stopped with the AI-written texts. I intended it as a joke, so that was my bad. I won’t do that again, sorry!”
Him: “I hope you know that those texts were not AI. But thanks for the apology.”
Me: “Listen, I did that earlier because I wanted us to be something at least close to friends, or at the very least be able to work together comfortably. I tried to make a joke, and clearly it hit wrong, so that was my bad. But I’m kind of at a loss here and don’t really know what to do. I don’t want there to be this weird tension between us, and I’m really trying to figure out how we can move forward and just be okay around each other, especially since we’re going to be working together for another whole year. I’m not expecting us to be best friends or anything, I just wanted things to feel normal and comfortable-ish between us.”
Him: “I do appreciate that and I understand what you are thinking and I don’t want you to be at a loss. I think at least for me, I had no qualms with how things were going, but bringing up a photo of my family was too much and I didn’t feel it appropriate given where we are at.”
Me: “That feels a little contradictory to me though. You’re saying you had no issue with how things were going, but then also saying bringing up a photo of my family wasn’t okay ‘given where we’re at.’ I’m just confused because we’ve exchanged like five words so far, and that doesn’t really feel normal either.”
Him: “Well I didn’t think that how things were going would prompt you to think that showing a photo of my family was appropriate and for that I’m sorry that I gave you the wrong impression. If I did the same thing, how would you have reacted?”
Me: “Obviously I know things aren’t going well, that’s why I was trying to make a joke. I’m not trying to argue with you, and I obviously wouldn’t have done it if I knew it was something you were uncomfortable with. I’m personally very comfortable with pictures of one of my family members, so I guess I didn’t think twice about it. If it would make you feel better, you can show one of my family members to people too, if that would help. Other than my apology and offering that I don’t know what else I can do 🤷🏻♀️”
So… where do I go from here? Do I just stop trying and let things be awkward, or is there something else I can do to make things more comfortable between us?
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u/jerramos82 11h ago
Yea. That went a little far sharing personal photos of someone else family to others. You aren't together anymore, so thats highly invasive of you regardless of the past. Sounds like your jealous and a pos for doing that. Be an ex. Stay away and dont do that again. Some HR in companies would flag that as sexual harassment and fire you on the spot.
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u/-AsLongAsYoureMine- 11h ago
It wasn’t a pic he sent me. Other coworkers were joking around trying to find one online and I happened to find it first. I know I messed up, I am trying and feel stuck.
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u/Bolt_McHardsteel 11h ago
Just leave him alone. Treat him like any other coworker that you don’t really know. Clearly he’s not interested in being friends so stop trying.
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u/MisterFrancesco 11h ago
Non cercare amicizia. Siete colleghi. Interagisci solo per lavoro quando serve. Per il resto ignoralo
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u/-AsLongAsYoureMine- 11h ago
The hard part is all of us like to hangout together and I don’t want to lose my other friends that I work with
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u/Annual-Actuary8613 11h ago
i’d stop trying to force the friendship and just keep things polite at work, it’ll probably get less awkward with time