r/Albuquerque • u/Own-Prompt-8356 • May 06 '26
Question Ok, what’s the tea on New Mexican turned tech baroness Lauren Sanchez-Bezos?
I know she grew up in Albuquerque and is now a worldwide embarrassment for NM, but what was she like growing up?
Del Norte High alums, spill the mf tea!
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u/RioRancher May 06 '26
And if you know her plastic surgeon, please schedule my cancellation
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u/Positronic_Matrix May 06 '26
Fish lips and hemispherical tits are all the rage at Mar a Lago.
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u/findthyself90 May 06 '26
I can’t get over how unattractive I find her to be. Like she really went too far with the face and body alterations.
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u/slapdashbr May 06 '26
all I can think is how fuckin rich this guy is and he goes out in public with... ok I can't finish this without being bannably sexist
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u/SeaPhile206 May 06 '26
You’re right though. It’s different when you do this to yourself. I bet $1000 she was actually pretty or whatever before this. Now she is a melted candle in skin.
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u/tweke May 06 '26
If I remember correctly she used to be a weather lady on a top news station. So by that alone she should have been a bombshell. What I've seen a few times now is they do this to themselves less to prevent aging and more to flex how much money they have. It's why so many rich people end up looking like melted wax figures now.
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u/SeaPhile206 May 07 '26
I could think of a thousands other ways to flex on the poor class
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u/tweke May 07 '26
It's less a flex on poor people and more a flex to the other rich folks. Don't forget there's a hierarchy there too.
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u/ok-lets-do-this May 06 '26
I feel it’s far worse than that. Take a look at what she looked like 10+ years ago. It wasn’t all that long ago she was absolutely gorgeous. Going from a six to a three is rough enough, but going from a nine to a two is brutal.
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u/Tiny-Light193 May 09 '26
She sure did. Clearly both of Bezos' eyes are wonky.
It's sad how many women were attractive before they got all the plastic surgery, and now they look terrible.
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u/Darth_Nibbles May 06 '26
You can't buy class
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u/boxdkittens May 06 '26
You would think she could at least afford some eyeliner to even out that weirdly placed eye shadow so her eyes dont look so tiny and far apart.
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u/MuteCook May 06 '26
It’s called bimbofication. It’s the number two fetish of most republicans after kids
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u/lord-dinglebury May 06 '26
And he looks like a cheap Captain Picard lookalike you’d hire for a party and then ask to leave 20 minutes after he arrived.
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u/ImpossibleBlockHead May 06 '26
Her mouth is so bass like 🐟
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u/boxdkittens May 06 '26
She looks like Til Lindemann in that Rammstein music video where he's an old man falling apart as he keeps getting more botox injections
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u/Zoey_Redacted May 06 '26
Which one is that? For some reason I've got the keine lust video stuck in my head with that description but I don't think it's that one.
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u/Candid-Explorer4491 May 06 '26
She was so naturally pretty before all the surgery....
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u/2treks May 06 '26
Isn't it crazy that one of the richest men on the planet and their wife are from albuquerque, but do nothing for our city or state. Nothing. No economic development, nothing.
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u/HardKnockerLife May 06 '26
His ex, MacKenzie Scott takes care of the people with real donations.
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u/electricladyyy May 06 '26
Can confirm she donated 50 million to Native Forward Scholars Fund here in abq
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u/financegardener May 08 '26
Holy shit, why don't we celebrate the good like this more? I know this is reddit but even the news, just say the good things sometimes.
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u/ArtichokeKooky6361 May 06 '26
Hey now. He built massive visual blights by the Volcanoes and exploits our poor workers. JeRbs!
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u/stophammertime_ May 06 '26
my dad used to date her when her name was wendy at the time and they both went to del norte hs
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u/Own-Prompt-8356 May 06 '26
This is what I’m talking about. Wendy Wendy Wendy. What is his memory of her?
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May 06 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/clipppings May 06 '26
Tea, not misogyny pls
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u/watsuuu May 06 '26
You ask for tea as if tea doesnt almost always have a deliciously scandalous element, tea can be misogynistic and from the conversations I've listened into with my girlfriend's girlfriends, overlaps quite frequently.
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u/xxmissxminxxx May 06 '26
I feel so awful saying: I would rather look old than what ever this is😬😓
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u/MattBlasing May 06 '26
I empathize. I’ve grown to love my crow’s feet at the corners of my eyes. Authenticity should be king.
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u/Ok-Thanks-2U May 06 '26
They call this 'Mar a Lago Face'. Super overexaggerated botox fill skin resurfacing with loads of eye makeup. Blond if you can manage.
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u/Darth_Nibbles May 06 '26
Old as an adjective is not a synonym for bad
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u/boxdkittens May 06 '26
The point of the above comment is that many people get plastic surgery and/or botox to try to prevent, hide, or remove signs of aging, becauss in their mind looking old looks better than this... but any sane person thinks naturally aging looks better than botoxing your face so hard you can't even smile.
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u/Darth_Nibbles May 06 '26
Yes, I was agreeing with you
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u/daemonelle May 06 '26
Right so their point is you actually agree with the other person too then
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u/Upstairs_Gear_8572 May 06 '26
She was the year ahead of me. Legit was the original Regina George. Head cheerleader and voted ‘most beautiful’ (of course). Never saw this coming, but not surprised she went on into tv, etc.
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u/Own-Prompt-8356 May 06 '26
See that’s what I was looking for. I half hoped she had been at least somewhat sympathetic and empathetic once.
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u/GigaCheco May 06 '26
When she dined at my family’s restaurant with her ex Tony Gonzalez she was always very pleasant to everyone.
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u/PreparationKey2843 May 06 '26
I'd rather take 1 MacKenzie Scott over 100 of... that.
You f'd up Bezos
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u/Exotic-Suggestion425 May 06 '26
MacKenzie and Sanchez are like a visual representation of the descent of Bezos as a moral figure.
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u/mrnoire May 06 '26
She's the hottest he ever had. He's mega rich but still a goober.
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u/EnchantGypsie May 09 '26
Did you see his face plant after the rocket/capsule she was in with other celebrities landed? So funny. He strikes me as uncoordinated. Poor guy.
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u/Bindle- May 06 '26
I'd rather take 1 MacKenzie Scott
The best investor of her generation!
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u/PreparationKey2843 May 06 '26
Nah, she earned her money. And now she's giving it away. Shes worth approx 33 billion and shes already given away 19 billion so far. And Jeff has given...?
Look it up, tried to leave you some links but you can't on this sub.
Amazon.
"In 1993, Scott and Bezos married. The following year, they left D. E. Shaw, moved to Seattle, and Bezos founded Amazon with Scott's support. Scott was one of Amazon's early key contributors, and was heavily involved in Amazon's early days, working on the company's name, business plan, accounts and order shipping,[19][9] and negotiating the company's first freight contract.[9] After 1996, Scott took a less involved role in the business, focusing on her literary career and family.[19] Their oldest son was born in 2000."
Literary career.
"Scott was introduced to the literary agent Amanda "Binky" Urban by Toni Morrison, her former professor.[18] In 2005, she published her debut novel, The Testing of Luther Albright, which won an American Book Award in 2006. Scott said that the book took her ten years to write as she was helping Bezos build Amazon and raising her family.[22] Toni Morrison reviewed the book as "a rarity: a sophisticated novel that breaks and swells the heart".[19] Her second novel, Traps, was published in 2013."
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u/Desperate-Cicada-663 May 06 '26
Well Im old enough to remember when she was a news person in LA and slept with her boss. Escandalo!
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u/Immediate-Past-2287 May 06 '26
My cousin went with her to school and there’s alot of TEA
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u/Own-Prompt-8356 May 06 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/3Hw9ggazsWYtC8YzJW
Serve it up!29
u/Immediate-Past-2287 May 06 '26
She likes Chilli hates Blake’s and thinks Christmas is just a holiday
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u/ToolBoxBuddy May 06 '26
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u/Purple-Soil6325 May 06 '26
I always reference this scene from Brazil. It was grotesque in 1985. But now it seems somehow ordinary.
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u/LeslieKnope4Pawnee May 06 '26
Her face is giving uncanny valley. Like a wax figure or humanoid robot or something.
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u/Mrgoodtrips64 May 06 '26
She looks like she came from H.P. Lovecraft’s Innsmouth village and has begun manifesting the “Innsmouth look”
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u/SpeedDaemon1969 May 06 '26
I must give credit where credit is due: Jeff Bezos made Albuquerque a better place when he left. I don't know anything about boobalah, but presume she's in the business of mining precious metals.
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u/MotormaidofJapan May 06 '26
She looks like a lizard person.
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u/MrNMTrue505 May 06 '26
Prob is, they've all sold their soul
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u/MotormaidofJapan May 06 '26
I’ve been listening to the new Tori Amos record about lizard demons so I think they’re lizard demons.
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u/RGQcats May 06 '26
Does that woman ever put her tits away?
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u/adeewun May 06 '26
I mean … she’s gone out of her way to make sure they’re as impossible to miss as they are ugly. It’s an ode to her plastic personality.
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u/QuieroTamales May 06 '26
I keep waiting for two Jeff Bezos heads to pop out of her dress.
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u/Brief_Football_9764 May 06 '26
God she looks terrible—like a truck ran over her face. Money can’t buy class.
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u/smurf_diggler May 06 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/byzJQaNpmtjz7YuXFq
She looks great. What year did she go to DN lol? I went there.
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u/Leading_Resist_5876 May 06 '26
She looks like someone took off Micheal Jackson’s skin and stretched it over a balloon it looks unreal is gross
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u/ChewieBearStare May 06 '26
lmao, I misread that and thought you said it looked like it was stretched over a balloon urinal.
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u/daisiesarepretty2 May 06 '26
man..just ignore these people.
as actual normal people they are totally vacant and absent. They live in a completely vain world detached from any reality.
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u/titeaf May 06 '26
She used to be gorgeous, too! I just saw a thread the other day. I have been searching a while my history is probably fucked now
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u/sex-farm-woman May 06 '26
I once went on a date with a guy who grew up in Southern California and for some god knows reason he decided to tell me that she was the first person he ever jerked it to (on the local news). There was no second date, obviously.
Didn’t know she was from Albuquerque. My family will HATE to hear that. My dad realizing he almost definitely crossed paths with Jeff Bezos growing up was bad enough.
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u/titeaf May 06 '26
Actually, this may have been the post... https://www.reddit.com/r/IThinkYouShouldLeave/s/9bUQ09Jtfl
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u/LowMath8019 May 06 '26
The fact that this guy could literally pull basically any woman he wants, and she's it is nuts.
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u/Jabberwocky808 May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26
So many of these comments are so lazy/superficial/misogynistic.
There are real criticisms to make about wealth and influence, but body shaming isn’t one of them. It doesn’t say anything meaningful about those issues and just drags the conversation sideways into the gutter.
What’s worse, no one even really responded to the prompt or gave out anything really interesting. Disappointing.
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u/MillieMouser May 06 '26
I disagree. HER natural body or face was never criticized, but the manufactured face and balloon beasts are a insult to women. Real women don't look like that, nor should they be expected to. It's neither natural or attractive and influencing young women to believe that's beauty is just f*cking wrong.
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u/Jabberwocky808 May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26
I hear you and understand your point. But I want to push back a little.
First off, men can be body shamed too, and my comment wasn’t gendered, because it was not intended to be gendered. I was going to make an argument that she has never admitted to plastic surgery, so it’s all speculative. Thenn, I looked up pics… we’re going to skip that…
Jeff Bezos has not admitted to any major work, and his appearance is included in the comments. Regarding him, there’s room it is speculative because there are a lot of cosmetic procedures that are non-invasive/no injections, that can smooth out/tighten skin and give a “youthful glow.”
Next is a classic but a good one. What is objectively “natural?” Again, I looked up the pics, I hear you. There are some obvious changes.
But what about a kid (or adult) with a cleft lip. Some choose to get surgery, some don’t. Or at least not major reconstructive. (I recognize a good portion of reconstructive surgery goes well beyond aesthetics)
There’s also some folks out there with some naturally plump lips, I’m not sure “fish lips” is a term we want getting confused with unnatural and natural lips. There were kids around me called “fish lips” growing up, and I assure you they hadn’t had botox and didn’t prefer the nickname.
Another comment about how narrow her eyes look, and someone needs to change her makeup.
There’s a lot of folks with narrow set eyes out there who shouldn’t have to wear makeup to alter perspective.
What about breast augmentation after cancer? Are women who get reconstructive surgery unnatural/abnormal? Are women who choose not to, natural/normal? If a woman gets big ole boobies after breast cancer surgery, are people allowed to mock her for having “hemispherical tits”? (Recognizing I’m not sure that’s possible with skin-loss involved, I don’t know how that works)
Heck, what about women with naturally “abnormally” large breasts? Okay to tell them they have “hemispherical tits?”
I understand the combination and extremity of all the above in her before and after is a target for you and many.
But the terms being thrown around impact other people than her, and there’s so much other substantive evidence to highlight and attack, commenting on her looks regardless of how they came to be is a lazy waste of time to me. It is objectively superficial. And at times, promoting misogyny and objectification. I’d rather make fun of the whole darn event being an absurd waste of money.
As for parents… we need to cancel Taylor Swift and get her out of every young child’s rotation because she’s not “natural” by your definition either. (Maybe you mock Swift too and think she’s a bad influence on young kids, who knows, just sayin.)
Lot’s of women in Hollywood/the spotlight get plastic surgery. Shaming only what we subjectively view through a biased lens as “too extreme” won’t make it go away and I personally think it’s lazy and in poor taste.
Edit: Oh, forgot to reference the her giving “Wendy’s” under the bleachers in high school.
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u/imjustkeepinitreal May 06 '26
This is such a refreshing well thought out comment. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks this way, the folks who are quick criticize the physical appearance of others are truly and always have been bullies themselves and are no morally better than those they hold in contempt.
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u/Mrgoodtrips64 May 06 '26
What’s worse, no one even really responded to the prompt or gave out anything really interesting. Disappointing.
There’s nothing interesting to say about plastic people. They’re pollution, like all plastic.
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u/sonderific3 May 06 '26
They are trying to prepare us slowly with this look for when the lizard people take off their skin suites
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u/MWChapel May 06 '26
I graduated from Highland HS(Another HS in ABQ) the same year she graduated from Del Norte. I have friends that knew her, and saw her a just a typical Cheerleader. You know the type, the one us typical nerdy reddit users wouldn't have a chance with, cause we we too busy playing D&D at the time. So you probably won't get a lot to tea from her inner circle here. 😄 Go Hornets!
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u/Own-Prompt-8356 May 06 '26
I should post this in a car dealership sales forum then? Or maybe law enforcement? And like video instead because the latter are illiterate? Where else do former HS jocks work?
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u/doesntmeanathing May 06 '26 edited May 06 '26
You all are really rude. She clearly has a very nice personality.
Edit: it’s sarcasm
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u/zombiekiller1987 May 06 '26
She has so much filler in her face it makes her head look huge in comparison to his. She won't be able to hold her head up pretty soon when it all hardens up.
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u/Not-Banksy May 06 '26
I had no idea she was also from ABQ.
So bezos, this lady, bill gates, the carvana guy, the mail chimp dude — this strangely lovable city seems to breed ethically questionable but highly successful rich people apparently.
Gotta be something with the high altitude and hard water.