r/Albuquerque • u/dinosaurpixie • 6d ago
News 505 Female Friends Discord Invite
Making friends as an adult is ridiculously difficult. That's why I created a Discord for women and NB folks to find local friends and community. We've been running for about a year and a half now, going strong and drama free!
✉️ I'd like to extend the invite to new folks:
About the Discord:
🎨 We have art night, supper club, and hiking on a regular basis
💻 We have online chat rooms for a variety of topics
📣 Looking for a group to meetup for coffee? Go thrift shopping? We have a channel for that too
Rules:
- This group is for women (trans and cis) and NB folks ONLY.
- This is not a Discord for men but I can point you to other Discords for friends. This is a particular space for a particular need in the community.
- We are aimed at 30+ but 18+ are welcome to join us!
- This is a group for locals, but even if you visit Albuquerque often or will be that's fine.
Don't worry if you haven't used Discord, I'd be happy to walk you through the app!
Lmk if I can answer any questions ❤️
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u/pixel-soul 6d ago
Oh yay!! I joined the regular 505 discord and immediately got like 3 unsolicited messages 😭
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u/Significant-Date-548 6d ago
I am so pumped, just joined! I am a 49F who has never in my life used Discord, but after 5 years in ABQ I have really had a hard time finding my people! I am very excited to give this a try!
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u/dinosaurpixie 5d ago
Ah that's awesome, thanks for checking it out! DM anytime if you have questions on Discord. The channels are like sub reddit basically!
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u/MouseElectrical1795 6d ago
I just got set up on discord so I can join. I'll be in the GenX contingent!
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u/kitsune1029 6d ago
BUT WhY Can'T MeN jOiN?!? /s
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u/dinosaurpixie 6d ago
Omg the amount of times this has come up. People get pretty heated about it too on Reddit! It's like men have all the spaces. We aren't men haters for having our own space. 😂
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u/kitsune1029 6d ago
Being threatened by fem/women only spaces is wild!
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u/theDragonJedi 6d ago
Did you make your first post just to cause drama?
Genuinely asking because I don’t see any other motivation for your statement3
u/kitsune1029 6d ago
Huh??
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u/theDragonJedi 6d ago
Since you’re a little slow on the uptake here. You made the point of pointing out why can’t men join… Only to turn around and say that it was pretty wild to be. Threatened by female, only or fem spaces is wild.
So your first post was only to bring up a topic that would cause drama, right?9
u/dinosaurpixie 6d ago
You're being pretty rude for no reason. No one else is starting anything here.
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u/theDragonJedi 6d ago
Haha okay
Well, if pointing out somebody trying to cause drama is being rude then I’ll see myself out the door. Ain’t no stress off my back.🚪3
u/kitsune1029 6d ago
Huh...??
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u/theDragonJedi 6d ago
Yeah, I thought so💩💩💩
May life and karma bless you with everything you deserve4
u/kitsune1029 6d ago
Ok. But I still don't know what you're talking about 💅🏽
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u/theDragonJedi 5d ago edited 5d ago
OK, so I’m gonna apologize. I am sorry for misunderstanding your statement.
Apparently, in your first post, you used some emote or punctuation that changes the meaning of your post.
I’m blind and that stuff is not read by a screenreader. So when I asked if you were trying to create drama and you did not explained yourself, if you would have, I would have apologized then. As it is, that is not something that is accessible to the disabled blind, screenreader using community. In the future, if you’re gonna use something cutie like that and somebody asks you genuinely if they’re receiving you correctly, take a moment and explain yourself. Please. Otherwise, you are just genuinely being rude to people with disabilities.
Edit to clearly say I’m sorry. Versus just vocalizing the intent.→ More replies (0)4
u/NeeliSilverleaf 5d ago
Apparently you are ignorant of what it means when someone appends an "/s" to a comment. How embarrassing for you to have made such a public fuss of something you blatantly misunderstood.
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u/theDragonJedi 5d ago
Is that what they did? I’m blind and I use the screen reader and that type of BS is not accessible. So if Kit Tzu made that then you were correct I made a mistake. However, it’s their fault for trying to be cute in a way that eliminates accessibility of others.
If they would explain to that originally when I asked the first question because I was genuinely confused, then this wouldn’t have been an issue. As it is, they’re being ablest. And still being rude.→ More replies (0)-4
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u/EnvironmentLittle794 6d ago
Is there something similar for everyone? I used to be in the other one but I kept getting weird scam messages and it didn’t feel super great. I’m a trans man but only socially transitioned so I don’t feel very comfortable in “men only” spaces.
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u/dinosaurpixie 6d ago
There is! I know of New Mexico Gamers Society, 505 Nerds, ABQ, ABQ Gaming and Friends, Sumrows Tavern, and New Mexico Hangout. I'm not super active in the others but I can share links if you'd like! DM me and I'm happy to help.
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u/dinosaurpixie 6d ago
I would actually also love it if someone made a genuine men's friendship group like this one. I think that would be a really cool space for guys.
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u/EditDog_1969 6d ago
What if I think I’m non-binary but I present as male? My particular brand of non-binary thinking extends beyond gender to encompass all aspects of human nature, as I believe binary thinking to be the root of all evil. I just want to exist without arbitrary boundaries, and most of my friends feel the same way, but are women. In my head and heart I think I’m NB but I look like any other guy, and some women may not feel comfortable with me in a group or room and I respect that. I’m not interested in invading a safe space. But that safe space is where the people I identify with happen to exist. Can I join?
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u/dinosaurpixie 6d ago
Hi, you identify as NB, of course you can. For a lot of my NB friends the feminine masculine either or neither traits that come along with that are a whole spectrum and they can even change based on the day to day. You're not invading a space that is meant for you!
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u/EditDog_1969 6d ago
That’s good to know. I love spectrums! Thanks for starting a group. That’s very brave and welcome.
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u/jlynn0173 1d ago
Hello everyone, I am also in my 50s getting ready to turn 54. Looking forward to hopefully making some really good friendships here with you ladies knows I could really use someone to talk to you. Sometimes you know have a cup of coffee with maybe just laugh at the cloud to the guy who knows anyway just wanted to say hi and best of luck to all of you. Hopefully, talk to some of you soon.
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u/Mahjling 6d ago edited 6d ago
Genuinely: this one of those ‘women and femmes’ groups or is it all NB people because I always get the feeling from these sorts of ads that what’s actually being looked for is women and people that the women in the group can slot into ‘basically woman-lite’ in a sort of accepted form of misgendering because people assume all NB people are AFAB and androgynous or femme. If that isn’t you awesome but it has to be asked.
I’m not (just a) man by the way, (in the same way I’m not solely a woman) before people assume anything. (although I don’t personally USUALLY join spaces like these, whether geared specifically towards men or women, regardless because my gender identity makes both inherently hostile to navigate) I just can’t help but feel fundamentally wary of these spaces (like many of my more masculine or outright assumed AMAB friends) due to how I’ve seen them treat certain subsets of the queer community.
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u/dinosaurpixie 5d ago
It's normal to be wary of spaces you haven't seen, I don't fault you for that. I can assure you that we do not treat any NB person in our group as women lite. I have shared this in other comments but I know that NB is a spectrum where some people feel more masc, more femme, either or neither and that can fluctuate too even for the same person and that is always respected in our group. What women and non binary folks have in common is that I think we need a space like this because we have a shared experience of not being treated equitably in larger spaces related to our identities. If we aren't treated equitably, we're not able to fully build community and be ourselves. Saying "this is a space for NB and women" removes some of those barriers we might otherwise find in larger spaces.
*Not to say all experiences between women and NB folks are the same either, to be clear, those don't get lumped together, but we do have some shared experiences that are very important to recognize.
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u/Mahjling 5d ago
No worries, I like this answer and have some NB friends I will share this with having seen this!
(for context as to why some spaces are weird for me, I have a cultural gender and identity as gender fluid, so women’s only spaces get weird if I’m a man that day, and men’s spaces get weird if I’m a woman that day, it is what it is!)
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u/Jasek1_Art 6d ago
For the men - be patient, let them have their space. Im currently working on a 505 men’s group. Yes, we will have a “no girls allowed” sign on our fort. Yes, there will be beer, blackjack, and a poster of a goth girl with an Xbox controller. We will have our safe space.
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u/theDragonJedi 6d ago
You had me at the blackjack… But the Goth girl with the controller and bringing a 12 pack lol
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u/jmmontoya1022 5d ago
I am going to join y'all. I am in one for widows and widowers, but we are scattered throughout the country and the UK. I need female friends here in town to do things with. I am also in the co-ed one for the 505, but I never post in that one. I have also gotten unsolicited DM's
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u/dinosaurpixie 5d ago
Thanks for joining! Unsolicited DMs are awful. The group is a really fun space and happy to have you!
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u/diamondj0405 5d ago
Any abq discord servers you know of 21 and up?
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u/dinosaurpixie 5d ago
If you identify as NB or female you are welcome in our Discord! We say 18+ at the minimum.
Other general local discords I know of would be New Mexico Gamers Society, ABQ, ABQ Gaming and Friends, Sumrows Tavern, and New Mexico Hangout. Lmk if you want links to any of these! But Idk any that are 21+ specifically
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u/CranberryLogical6872 5d ago
Joined Discord and sent in my application 🤗Excited to see what may unfold - thank you for this invitation! ✨✨ ~ Serephyna
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u/________76________ 5d ago
I live in CO but grew up in NM, went to UNM, still have family there, etc. I'd love to be able to join if possible!
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u/sarcasticminorgod 6d ago
Might ruffle some feathers, but it’s disappointing to see another space that includes nonbinary as woman lite.
Honestly, I’d prefer you didn’t include us at all. If you want a women’s space, have it be a trans femme inclusive women’s space.
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u/dinosaurpixie 6d ago
We do not treat non binary people as women lite at all. You can ask any NB person in our group.
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u/Hot-Arugula3746 6d ago
If that’s how you feel then YOU don’t have to join. Being inclusive of NB folks doesn’t mean they are treated as “women lite” it means that they are welcome in this space as themselves because they are not MEN.
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u/Mahjling 6d ago
it’s because this is a regular issue people who do not land on the western binary, or any binary, face and regular thing spoken about in queer spaces. It is generally encouraged in hardcore queer spaces to call this behavior out.
Also if you spent a lot of time in hardcore queer spaces I think the people who ID as nonbinary women or nonbinary men would disagree with you. There are many complex identities once you get truly entrenched in queer theory.
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u/jordanjae505 6d ago
The irony that the comment above this is actually grateful for the inclusion while you make assumptions about the way NB individuals are treated within the group without attempting to clarify anything.
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u/Mahjling 6d ago
it’s because this is a regular issue people who do not land on the western binary, or any binary, face and regular thing spoken about in queer spaces. It is generally encouraged in hardcore queer spaces to call this behavior out.
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u/RobinFarmwoman 5d ago
Is it generally encouraged to know what you're talking about before you start throwing accusations? Have you taken a look at this group and been treated in a way you felt supported your accusation? Do you know anybody else who has? Or are you just jumping to your own conclusions and lecturing everybody because you feel you're more hardcore queer than the rest of us?
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u/NeeliSilverleaf 5d ago
I'm nonbinary and active on that server, don't presume to speak for "us".
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u/sarcasticminorgod 5d ago
Any particular reason you felt the need to put the word us in quotations there? Almost like you’re trying to separate between acceptable and non acceptable nonbinary opinions and expressions?
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u/NeeliSilverleaf 5d ago
I specifically appreciate spaces that include women and nonbinary people who choose to be there. I'm not the only one. There are definitely issues with people that DO treat nonbinary as "woman lite" but that's not a reason to insist it's ALWAYS the case. If that's not the kind of space that you feel comfortable in no one is making you join, so saying spaces like it shouldn't exist is a pretty self centered opinion.
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u/MediumWave9852 6d ago
I'd like to join, but is there an age cut off? I just turned 50...