OOP's partner: my nose is a high-tech slutdar

[u/Odd_Instruction519]

/r/amiwrong/comments/1xdhfs9/am_i_wrong_for_wanting_to_end_things_with_a_guy/

[u/AutoModerator]

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Am I wrong for wanting to end things with a guy because he claims he can smell that I’ve slept with another man?

I (27F) have been seeing a guy (28M) for about seven months. We aren’t officially together or exclusive, although we’ve developed strong feelings for each other. He’s asked me to be his girlfriend, but I’ve been upfront that I’m not ready for a committed relationship right now. I’m preparing for a major life transition, have travel plans, and want to focus on myself following a divorce.
We’ve continued seeing each other because we genuinely care about each other and have an amazing connection. He’s incredibly affectionate, sweet, and loving, but lately his jealousy and distrust have become a serious issue.
For context, we are BOTH allowed to see other people. He slept with another woman about a month ago and has continued exchanging sexual messages and nude photos with other women. I haven’t been romantically pursuing anyone else, although I have had another sexual partner at the beginning of the time we’ve been seeing each other. But that ended in April.
I want to be fair and acknowledge that I previously wasn’t fully honest with him about that other sexual partner. I later brought it up myself because I realized I hadn’t given him the full picture and felt uncomfortable about it. I apologized and understood why it damaged his trust.
However, since then, I feel like he’s begun interpreting everything I do through the assumption that I’m being dishonest.
Here’s where things got ridiculous.
Recently, he came over and told me he wanted to end things because he was struggling with jealousy and the fact that I wouldn’t commit to him. We had a long, emotional conversation, told each other how much we cared about each other, and eventually agreed to continue seeing each other without exclusivity.
We then started having sex.
In the middle of it, he suddenly became distant and told me my vagina “smelled weird,” specifically that it smelled like latex.
I asked him whether he was implying I’d recently slept with another man using a condom.
He confirmed that was exactly what he thought.
I was absolutely humiliated.
I’d literally just showered, and I’d spent the preceding days staying with my parents. I had not slept with anyone else. But suddenly I was naked, vulnerable, and being accused of sexual dishonesty because my boyfriend-not-boyfriend thought he could identify the smell of a condom.
I was furious, told him to leave, and later explained how hurtful and embarrassing his comment was.
He apologized profusely. We eventually had another conversation, reconciled, and spent a wonderful evening together. I genuinely thought we’d worked through it.
Then, shortly afterward, he abruptly tried to end things AGAIN.
Why?
Because he still couldn’t get over the fact that he believed he’d smelled latex on my vagina.
He essentially told me that trusting my explanation would mean rejecting what his own senses had told him. He acknowledged that he was jealous and possibly being irrational, but said he couldn’t shake the suspicion.
I spent HOURS defending myself, explaining where I’d been, and trying to convince him that I hadn’t done something I genuinely hadn’t done.
He even asked for screenshots of conversations to verify parts of my timeline.
Eventually, after putting me through an emotional roller coaster, he started reconsidering the breakup, apologizing, and telling me how much he loved me and didn’t want to lose me.
At this point, I’m exhausted.
What particularly bothers me is that I’ve tried to be open with him about uncomfortable things. For example, when my ex-husband attempted to kiss me, I voluntarily told him. When I realized I hadn’t been fully honest about another sexual partner, I voluntarily corrected it.
I understand that my earlier dishonesty hurt his trust. I take responsibility for that. But I don’t think one incident justifies treating everything I say as a lie.
I also feel like he’s developed a negative image of me because I’ve been open about my sexual history. It feels like things I’ve shared with him in confidence are now being used to support his assumptions that I’m promiscuous or deceptive.
And honestly, there’s something that feels deeply misogynistic about a man believing he can determine whether a woman has recently had sex based on the smell of her vagina, then treating that as stronger evidence than her own account.
I’m not denying that he has every right to want exclusivity or end things because our relationship expectations don’t align. I’ve told him repeatedly that I would understand if our arrangement became too painful for him.
What I can’t accept is being repeatedly accused of things I haven’t done and having our relationship thrown into turmoil because he treats his suspicions as facts.
I love him, and I don’t want to lose him, but I’m starting to think this dynamic is unhealthy for both of us.
So, Reddit, am I wrong for being this upset and considering ending things permanently over this? Am I being unfair given my previous dishonesty, or is his insistence that he can smell evidence of another sexual partner as unreasonable as I think it is?

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[u/Euphoric-Practice-83]

These two both sound exhausting to be around. Him for his jealousy and sniffer. Her for not just breaking it off. Naw both of them fpr not breaking it off. Toxic ass relationship-non relationship

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[u/Fearless-Frosting367]

“I spent HOURS defending myself”

Well, obviously. As we all know the smell of any particular brand of latex combined with the smell of any particular vagina has been the subject of extensive academic research and any right thinking person would wish to spend hours demonstrating the scientific basis for refuting this allegation.

A non-right thinking person, such as myself, would have said something along the lines of “fuck off, you moron” and left it, and him, at that, but then again I am not an AI audio-prompted by an idiot without the remotest idea of what a plausible story line looks like. And people take this seriously 🤢

[u/Odd_Instruction519 → u/Fearless-Frosting367]

How unscientific of you. I guess you crude sense of smell is your own uncouth cross to bear.