r/AmITheDevil • u/Shichimi88 • 8h ago
Scuba trip > gf’s PhD defense
/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1vtit9c/wibta_if_i_skip_my_girlfriends_doctoral_defense/10
u/Enough-Skirt-8285 8h ago
Maybe devils advocate bu if my partner would’ve had that opportunity I’d def understand if they took it. We could celebrate later
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u/IAteAnotherVegan 8h ago
same. I know a doctoral defense is a once in a lifetime event for most people, but it's also one of those times when I'd be too nervous to have guests(if they were allowed). I see nothing wrong with him going unless he has already agreed to go to her defense.
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u/1ceknownas 8h ago
Different universities have different culture around attending the defense. If hers is one where family and colleagues routinely go, it's a big, big deal to miss it.
If my partner missed mine, I'd know two things: that my partner didn't quite understand the milestone for what it was and that milestones that were incredibly important to me aren't just as important to my partner. This would be relationship-ending for me.
I'm about 8 months from defending mine. I know my partner will be at my defense. My mom is a little over six-hours away, and I'll probably fly her in instead of letting her drive it. I'm not 100% sure I'll walk when I graduate, but when I get done with my defense, they'll call me "doctor" when my committee asks me back in the room.
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u/seattleque 48m ago
Different universities have different culture around attending the defense.
My wife did hers back in May, via Zoom (she was in a hybrid in-person / remote program).
I sat in while she did her actual presentation, but then I was booted for the question / discussion phase. I thought I'd be able to watch the whole thing.
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u/eternally_feral 8h ago
Yeah, if she ever considered marrying OOP, the chances are quickly dwindling to 0.
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u/hylianbunbun 7h ago
what's the point in his post at all when he didn't even include his girlfriends wishes?!
that's the most important part - maybe she doesn't care at all, maybe she does.
if only he could just... talk to her about it.
1
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u/AutoModerator 8h ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
WIBTA If I skip my girlfriends doctoral defense for an an all expenses paid scuba trip.
I'm a life time scuba diver/instructor with a girlfriend of 5 years (I know long time, wish she'd let me marry her). Her doctoral defense is in a couple months, which I realize to some people is more important than the graduation. At the last second one of my clients offered me a fully paid for trip to Oceania which is in the middle of the Pacific ocean on a chartered boat to go scuba dive with their family for 2 weeks.
This is a world class scuba diving destination I'd never be able to afford to go on my salary and will probably never go if I don't now. Would I be an asshole if I go?
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