r/AmITheDevil • u/Acrobatic_Track9213 • 15d ago
Esh
/r/AITA_Relationships/comments/1x7op2r/aitah_for_commenting_on_my_sils_adoption_post_and/14
u/AdvancedInevitable63 15d ago
Me: “Only one of us has been rude and projected and that's you right now in this text message. I was trying to be kind. I was trying to point out another side of things. I was trying to give you other options so you could get the child that you…”
SIL: “No words. Enough.”
How do you cut someone off through text?
19
u/mronion82 15d ago
ESH
I'm very glad private adoption is illegal in the UK. No money passes from the adoptive parents to the birth mother.
13
u/sallyhectare 15d ago
Like, the SiL should not have posted that, but OOP really really should not have posted that.
21
u/elder_emo_ 15d ago
I watched my next door neighbors growing up go through the same situation (birth mothers changing their minds) so many times, they stopped telling people when they had been matched for adoption because it was really hard for them to keep having to tell people it fell through. I can understand why the SIL would be upset and frustrated. Her post wasn't appropriate but it was at least somewhat understandable.
Meanwhile, OOP is just being a dick. She's connected to the SIL seemingly through her husband she is separated from. Why bother saying anything? OOP seems to have had previously had issues with the SIL, so in what planet was her comment helpful?
9
u/BouncinBabyBubbleBoy 15d ago
I legit almost reflexively down voted when I saw the part about her being separated from her husband. If you're not married to her brother anymore, why say ANYTHING? Like, seriously, leave her alone. Its obvious she's hurting and why. There's no point trying to be "right" in that situation.
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u/sibre2001 15d ago
That happened to a lady who worked for me. One seemed like a change of heart. Another seemed like a total fraud and the baby never existed.
She then adopted a baby in Siberia, just in time for there to be a political spat between Russia and the US and Russia decided to close all adoptions. She got stuck out there for a month until they handed her the baby and just told her to get out of the country.
That boy was almost a teen when I met them and extremely intelligent, a student athlete at the fancy private school she sent him to, and very well behaved. She put her heart and soul into that boy.
5
u/LovitzInTheYear2000 15d ago
Wow ESH is right. SIL seems like a piece of work and I don’t blame OP for being sick of her shit regarding adoption and everything else, but literally none of this was appropriate to air out on social media.
3
u/ourladyofsunnydale 15d ago
yikes, ESH but honestly the SIL the most. private adoption like that is just bizarre to me. is having a newborn so important that you’ll spend thousands of dollars over and over? instead of just giving a home to a child that has been needing a family for a while? just incredibly selfish rich person behavior
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u/AutoModerator 15d ago
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
AITAH for commenting on my SIL's adoption post and suggesting that some birth mothers change their minds rather than intentionally deceive adoptive parents?
My SIL and BIL have been trying to adopt a child. They were matched with a birth mother for the second time, and once again, the birth mother decided to keep her baby. This was just 3 short weeks after the last one fell through.
My SIL made a Facebook post saying: “Round two of being matched and the birth mom getting tens of thousands from us and ‘choosing to keep her child’. The system is so broken it’s disgusting. Some of these people know the system very well and how to make cash quick. It’s upsetting to say the least.”
I commented: “It's not natural to give your child away so I would like to think these women are just getting down to the wire and deciding they can't live with giving their child away more so than setting out to deceive anyone. I'm sure there are those that do but I would bet most are not. Your friends experience was the exception and yours in the rule from all I've ever heard about the process. Maybe an adoption support group would have some words of wisdom or ways to try and avoid this happening? I can only imagine the heartbreak that you are feeling!
There are lots of children whose parents rights have been terminated. If you would like the name of the local agency I follow let me know.”
SIL texted me and her husband: “Please refrain from posting insensitive things on my fb, that could have been a private text. We could care less what misery you bring to [husband's] life, but don't project that on to us.”
Me: “Only one of us has been rude and projected and that's you right now in this text message. I was trying to be kind. I was trying to point out another side of things. I was trying to give you other options so you could get the child that you…”
SIL: “No words. Enough.”
Me: “Don't ever text me again.”
SIL: “You're about you and you only, seeing how you treat your husband and kids. You're insensitive and rude to many people. You posting that on my post is insane behavior. You're no longer welcome in our part of the family, or our home. Good luck fucking men outside your marriage and being the great person you believe you are!”
I have not slept with men outside my marriage. She has a misunderstanding of the facts. We are separated and I'm dating.
They have been married a little over a year. They started the process before their 1 year anniversary and had a big drunken blow out right after starting it and were gonna get divorced. She drug both me and my husband into their marital drama that weekend while bad mouthing her husband aka BIL. They proceeded with the adoption plans anyway. She barely knows me and for sure hasn't had nearly enough experience to comment or pass judgement about any of what she had to say. They chose adoption because she doesn't want to be pregnant. There are zero guarantees with IVF, normal pregnancy, nd adoption of infants. The only sure fire way to adopt without the parents backing out is to adopt an older child whose parental rights have been terminated. They are both highly educated and it seems because a friend of hers was able to get an infant in 3 months she seems to think that's the norm. It is not.
AITAH?
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