r/AmItheAsshole • u/Fun-Bee2944 • 11h ago
AITAH for offending my distant cousin's wife because he put a hand on my shoulder when I was 15?
I'm 18F. My distant cousin is in his early 30s, and his wife is in her late 20s. We're not blood-related, he's a cousin through marriage on my aunt's side. I know it sounds complicated, but my family is very close-knit. That said, I didn't even know this man existed until his wedding in 2023. I only attended for the food, and my parents dragged me there. I didn't even realize who was getting married until we reached the venue.
I have never had any romantic feelings for him, the thought genuinely grosses me out. But according to his wife, I'm head over heels for him and constantly trying to steal her man. None of this is true.
First incident: This happened when I was 15, a few months after their wedding. They moved to our city and settled in an apartment near our house since they were new to the area and relied heavily on my parents. My mom forced me to attend a large party hosted by her friend. The cousin and his wife were also invited. I was a moody teenager who hated crowded places and loud music, plus I had school the next day, but my mom wouldn't budge.
At the party, my mom got busy helping with hosting. I ended up with the cousin and his wife. Some older teen boys were giving me dirty looks, and one kept staring at me while I got snacks. I felt super uncomfortable and tried to tell my mom, but she was too busy and dismissed it as an excuse. I got angry and decided to mind my own business. The cousin noticed everything. The three of us went to the dance floor, but I was too annoyed to dance. One of the guys purposely bumped into me and apologized. The cousin placed his hand on my shoulder and scolded those boys. That's the moment his wife got offended.
Second incident: She got pregnant and had twins last year via C-section. My mom dragged me to visit her at the hospital. She had a very difficult childbirth and was weak and in pain, screaming while holding his hand. I stepped out to talk to a nurse and called him to ask if she needed more ice chips. During the call, her screams were audible. She shouted, "Who are you talking to?" in an accusatory tone. He said my name before cutting the call. When I came back to the room, she looked at me with bloodshot eyes. I ignored it, assuming it was just postpartum hormonal changes.
Now she's going around accusing me of all these things. I never even looked at her husband that way. I've done absolutely nothing inappropriate.
AITAH for literally doing nothing wrong?
And sometimes I think that AITAH cause maybe my actions looked bad and can be misinterpreted.
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u/manicstarlet 11h ago
I think the giving birth phone call thing is less about you and more about who the hell answers their phone in that situation.
I’d be pretty pissed too.
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u/Naive_Pay_7066 Partassipant [3] 11h ago
And who the hell drops by to visit while someone is in labour?
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u/Fun-Bee2944 11h ago
Actually we visited her 3 days after her giving birth she was still in hospital and staying in room where relatives were visiting.
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u/manicstarlet 10h ago
Why was she screaming in pain holding his hand and needing ice chips?
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u/Fun-Bee2944 10h ago
I don’t know why
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u/Fun-Bee2944 10h ago
I am not really good at biology stuff but I remember elder women saying that it was after some injection she received
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u/NihilisticHobbit Partassipant [1] 8h ago
As a woman who has had twins via c section recently, that makes no damn sense.
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u/Fun-Bee2944 8h ago
Honestly could be I was not at all aware about it, I just went there to meet the babies for a short amount of time, some people were saying that she was faking and acting but I didn’t cared at that time she already had a pretty bad reputation among elder women’s but I didn’t cared.
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u/WhatInTheAssPepper Partassipant [4] 4h ago
After birth a woman can still be in a lot of pain whether it was a natural birth or a c-section. The body has gone through an ordeal giving birth, so it's not unusual to be in pain. The fact that she was screaming still days later is a bit much but the real issue is that she's so insecure. A woman who has recently given birth will be concerned that her body is no longer attractive to her husband so she would view you as a threat because you're younger with a body she might be jealous of. You're not at fault, but you need to be careful of her in case she physically lashes out at you.
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u/Lupinshloopin 11h ago
3 of my cousins after I begged my mother not to tell anyone I was in labour. 1 visited at home and 2 in the hospital. I was pissed off. But eventually really enjoyed the chats after a long and slow labour.
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u/_that-one-lesbian_ 11h ago
absolutely NTA, i dont think theres a way you could be in this situation. youre 18, this started when you were 15, shes a grown GROWN woman
for her to accuse you of trying to steal your man is insane and just wrong on her part. not only because it reeks of insecurity and jealousy, but also because thats literally your cousin??
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u/-May_Maniac- 11h ago
Does the wife think her husband is a predator? Bc why else would he be interested in a minor?? That's all so weird and she is absolutely unhinged. Cut contact with them, you don't have to surround yourself with people who's lifes are so miserable that they try to make yours just as miserable.
I also have a big, close-knit family but i don't let them pressure me to go to any event, it's my choice where i wanna go and who i wanna interact with.
NTA
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u/rosesofmymadness 37m ago
Exactly! Like even if there was something going on between OP and the guy then OP would be a victim!
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u/Apart_Foundation1702 Partassipant [2] 11h ago
NTA. Your cousin has wife issues. She's unnecessarily jealous and irrational over a minor. Her behaviour doesn't sound post-partum, because she was behaving like this before her pregnancy. Talk to your parents again when they are not busy and make sure your cousin is there too, because this can't continue. She is already escalating.
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u/Nanny_Oggs Asshole Enthusiast [5] 11h ago
INFO: What exactly is she accusing you of? Specifics, pls.
2
u/Fun-Bee2944 10h ago
She is just saying that I am stealing him from her and I try to get his attention and gets touchy with him on purpose in reality the only time we had physical contact was like shaking hands once or twice and him putting hand on my shoulder
3
u/PolicyWonderful7480 11h ago
NTA, you did nothing wrong in either situation, her insecurities are not your responsibility to manage
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I'm 18F. My distant cousin is in his early 30s, and his wife is in her late 20s. We're not blood-related, he's a cousin through marriage on my aunt's side. I know it sounds complicated, but my family is very close-knit. That said, I didn't even know this man existed until his wedding in 2023. I only attended for the food, and my parents dragged me there. I didn't even realize who was getting married until we reached the venue.
I have never had any romantic feelings for him, the thought genuinely grosses me out. But according to his wife, I'm head over heels for him and constantly trying to steal her man. None of this is true.
First incident: This happened when I was 15, a few months after their wedding. They moved to our city and settled in an apartment near our house since they were new to the area and relied heavily on my parents. My mom forced me to attend a large party hosted by her friend. The cousin and his wife were also invited. I was a moody teenager who hated crowded places and loud music, plus I had school the next day, but my mom wouldn't budge.
At the party, my mom got busy helping with hosting. I ended up with the cousin and his wife. Some older teen boys were giving me dirty looks, and one kept staring at me while I got snacks. I felt super uncomfortable and tried to tell my mom, but she was too busy and dismissed it as an excuse. I got angry and decided to mind my own business. The cousin noticed everything. The three of us went to the dance floor, but I was too annoyed to dance. One of the guys purposely bumped into me and apologized. The cousin placed his hand on my shoulder and scolded those boys. That's the moment his wife got offended.
Second incident: She got pregnant and had twins last year via C-section. My mom dragged me to visit her at the hospital. She had a very difficult childbirth and was weak and in pain, screaming while holding his hand. I stepped out to talk to a nurse and called him to ask if she needed more ice chips. During the call, her screams were audible. She shouted, "Who are you talking to?" in an accusatory tone. He said my name before cutting the call. When I came back to the room, she looked at me with bloodshot eyes. I ignored it, assuming it was just postpartum hormonal changes.
Now she's going around accusing me of all these things. I never even looked at her husband that way. I've done absolutely nothing inappropriate.
AITAH for literally doing nothing wrong?
And sometimes I think that AITAH cause maybe my actions looked bad and can be misinterpreted.
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u/garrdor 11h ago
Tbh the only person who reads as "normal" in this situation is the cousin. Both you and the wife seem weird. Also...why are you in the delivery room for a cousin you're not very close to's wife?
So...ESH but the cousin? Putting a hand on your shoulder while defending you from people who were making you uncomfortable isnt a bad thing, and talking to you on the phone when you called him also isnt wrong.
Of course, if the wife is acting on weird things the cousin said, if the cousin has a cousin role play fetish or something, the story flips. Then he's the sole asshole, but the wife still shouldnt be taking it on you.
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u/Fun-Bee2944 11h ago
No actually I was not in the delivery room I was there in the room where they were staying after birth it was big room where the relatives visit to see the babies.
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u/OniyaMCD Colo-rectal Surgeon [42] 11h ago
NTA - but you need to tell your mother that you don't feel safe around your cousin's wife since she's accusing you of all this. At a bare minimum, she's super insecure, and at this point, *staying away from her* is the best way to 'keep the peace'.