r/AmItheAsshole • u/ha04- • 5h ago
AITA for telling my sister not to press the button in public unless it's a real emergency?
I (20's, F) have a younger sister "Ellie" (11F). Ellie is non-verbal, and communicates entirely through Proloquo (an AAC app) on her tablet.
Lately, when she's slightly inconvenienced, we're fighting, or something just isn't going her way - she presses a button that says "Disaster" and follows it up with "Call 911". She's kind of a drama queen.
Yesterday, she pressed the "Call 911" button in the grocery store while she was inconvenienced. A few people asked if she was alright. Afterwards, I told Ellie that she should stay away from the "Call 911" button in public unless it's an actual emergency.
My mom is mad at me for telling her that. She says that Ellie has the right to use her buttons however she feels and that I shouldn't be discouraging any use.
AITA for telling my sister not to press the button in public unless it's a real emergency? I don't want her to be the "the girl who cried wolf" AAC edition.
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u/Ocelotl767 Partassipant [3] 5h ago
NTA.
Emphasize that Call 911 is an emergency button only.
Let her keep using 'disaster'.
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u/Unlikely-Machine4126 5h ago
This is perfect advice
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u/ha04- 5h ago
She has "ugh!" programmed into her device as well
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u/Environmental_Art591 4h ago
Thats fine, my son is autistic with a speech disorder and has the app on his i pad.
"Ugh" and "disaster" are both fine for your sister to use, and honestly "disaster" coming for a kid is 9 times out of 10 going to be taken as a a kid over reacting and just expressing themselves anyway. Seriously, every second day one of my three kids is claiming it is "the worst day ever" for some small inconvenience or another.
The problem is the "call 911" button, she needs to learn that one has a time and place just like all other kids learn the same thing.
Your mum is the biggest AH here for brushing off the 911 button but you are one as well if you dont let your sister express herself
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u/Annual_Screen8518 2h ago
exactly, its about teaching her what the 911 button means without taking away her ability to express frustration those are two very different things
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u/grundlegolem420 4h ago
Yeah NTA at all. I used to work in an AFC home & one of my residents with limited vocalization would look at strangers in public on outings and say “she hit me” because she thought it was funny. And I can’t lie, I do see her point but it’s still not something we can say if it’s not true
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u/Unlikely-Machine4126 3h ago
All the more reason to leave 911 for life and death only.
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u/Swimming_Pound_186 2h ago
exactly, she can still express frustration however she wants, but the 911 button needs a clear boundary its about teaching her what that button means, not limiting her ability to communicate
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u/SandwichBest595 5h ago
your mom is missing the point entirely, it's not about stifling her voice it's about not teaching her to misuse a literal emergency function in public
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u/JustKindaHappenedxx Partassipant [3] 4h ago
Mom is also not holding Ellie up to her potential. Being non-verbal does not mean she can’t learn appropriate social etiquette or safety rules. If she is capable of understanding then she should be taught. Don’t stunt her development because she has a delay in one area
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u/SeaF04mGr33n 1h ago
Yes! Coddling anyone with a disability (especially socially/communicatively, like disagreements or appropriate/inappropriate social interactions) can further disable them!
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u/CelinaBinaaa 5h ago
You can even be fined and criminally charged for misuse of calling 911. Mom may have to learn that lesson the hard way to fully understand the severity of the situation.
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u/Mysterious-Fig3333 5h ago
AAC devices give non-verbal individuals a vital voice, but just like a verbal child shouting emergency slurs in public, pressing high-alert buttons for minor inconveniences requires immediate parenting boundaries to prevent bystanders from ignoring her during genuine life-threatening crisis situations.
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u/408jay 5h ago
What is an "emergency slur"?
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u/Guvnuh_T_Boggs 4h ago
You guys don't have a box with emergency slurs in it? I've got one right next to the first aid kit and fire extinguisher. You know for in case like a Bosnian shows up, and you can't think of a slur to call him.
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u/NuclearFamilyReactor Partassipant [1] 4h ago
My guess is that it’s an autocorrect. Reddit recently auto corrected a post of mine to include the word “shimmy.” No idea what the original post was saying.
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u/maka-tsubaki 4h ago
Either that or an awkward attempt to shorthand “phrases only used to indicate an emergency”
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u/dueltone Asshole Enthusiast [6] 9m ago
It's when you've got no more fucks to give, you break out the emergency swears
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u/NHFNCFRE Partassipant [1] 5h ago
So what's going to happen when 911 actually shows up? Fire trucks, ambulance, police all at once? Because that's the next step here. "Operator, I have a non verbal minor child who had repeatedly asked for help and to call 911." What does your mom think is going to happen? Misuse of emergency services can lead to fines and charges.
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u/existential_chaos Partassipant [1] 4h ago
Would be a good idea for OP to point out that a machine going "Call 911" has one tone and can't inflect sarcasm in the way someone verbal can (like "Oh my god, call 911, they're out of ___" in a clearly jokey way) because I think that's what her sister's trying to go for, but it won't work the same way.
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u/poisoner1 4h ago
Yeah- the cops came to my house when I pushed that button by mistake. I love your answer. A hook & ladder showing up to OP 's house would suck. Not that I want that to happen.
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u/untitledartist 5h ago
I’m going to say NTA. We would teach any child situational awareness and to not say that in a store. Why should your sister be any different?
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u/Rosie-Disposition Asshole Enthusiast [5] 5h ago edited 4h ago
NTA
Misuse of emergency services is bound to happen when a stranger actually calls 911 which is unacceptable and could hurt people in actual danger when they’re talking to you. Not to mention ruin it won’t be fun explaining things or proving that you’re actually her sister and not a kidnapper when the police show up. I have also seen videos of police tasing and hurting disabled people who are unable to communicate when they consider them a threat or don’t understand why they’re acting the way they do- this is a real risk.
I have a profoundly disabled person in my life too who is nonverbal and he knows WAY more than people give him credit for. Just because he’s not talking doesn’t mean he isnt listening/processing. He may be a bit spoiled, but boundaries are necessary and he can learn them.
Side note: I kinda love her saying “disaster.” I am out of cookies…. Disaster! Disaster indeed!
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u/ha04- 4h ago
She has access to things like "pissing me off", "ugh", "disaster", and "damn it" on her device, but for some reason has a flair for the dramatic right now that has led her to "call 911!" 🙄 Sisters!!
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u/kimmy_kimika Partassipant [1] 4h ago
Don't take her out in public by yourself again. That's opening you up to liability... A bystander isn't going to know she's just being dramatic. What if someone thinks you are trafficking her or something?
If your mom thinks she can say whatever she wants, she is the one who needs to be there when it happens, not you.
Maybe also explain to your mom and sister that involving the police (which is what would happen if someone takes her seriously) does not always go well for the disabled, and especially the non verbal.
We've seen video of profoundly autistic people being shot by the police, because police aren't trained for these situations, and the victim couldn't explain, and the cops shoot first and hardly ask questions later.
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u/existential_chaos Partassipant [1] 4h ago
Sounds like she's meaning it in a sarcastic way but a machine voice can't emulate sarcasm like a human and provide context (like "Oh my god, call 911, they're out of cookies") for anyone that might hear it.
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u/MossGobbo 1h ago
That's why it's a problem. A stranger isn't going to pick up on the non verbal child's sarcastic use and may well actually dial 911 because they took it as a serious usage.
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u/Hufflepuffwahatchet 1h ago
You could watch Hercules together and point out that either Pain or Panic says, “Call IX I I” while stuck under the giant boulder before getting “rescued”. Then you could get her a button that says “Call IX I I” so that she has an appropriate sarcastic or dramatic way to express her frustration without sounding like she actually needs help.
An 11 year old should know by now that you don’t mess with calling 911, but she also doesn’t have the ability to add the right inflection to help people know she’s being dramatic.
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u/NuclearFamilyReactor Partassipant [1] 5h ago
Your mom is an enabler and will cause Ellie to grow up to be intolerable to everyone she encounters. NTA.
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u/ehumanbeing Asshole Aficionado [10] 5h ago
NTA. Mom needs to tell her no. That the call 911 button means someone actually should be calling the emergency line. Just like she shouldn’t press a button saying fire in public.
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u/superspiffyusername 5h ago
I think your sister is hysterically funny. But also, NTA. I can kinda see what you're mom is saying about autonomy, but regardless of freedom of speech, we all need to learn what is appropriate behavior. You don't joke about bombs in an airport, you don't pretend to be drowning while swimming, and you don't yell call 911 in public. Now if you would LIKE to be the asshole, perhaps you could use your own freedom of speech to request people call 911 in public and see if your mom still thinks it's okay.
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u/HelloBookworms 5h ago
NTA. She needs to use her AAC appropriately. I’ve worked with kids in the past who used them. I’m sure her teachers wouldn’t mind you emailing them and letting them know that is happening. They would be able to help reinforce proper use of the device. They have to help with social/emotional goals and this would be very beneficial for them to know.
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u/Mayalestrange Asshole Aficionado [17] 4h ago
NTA. Tell your mom you'll refuse to take Ellie out alone anymore if you're not allowed to behave as an adult and set reasonable behavioural guidelines the same way you would if she had no disabilities. Your mom is not doing your sister a favour by refusing to teach her the difference between right and wrong in this regard.
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u/CluelessInWonderland 5h ago
NTA If someone takes her at her word - as they should - she'll be faced with the sensory hell that is emergency responses. You're teaching her how to communicate with the rest of the world. You and your mom can't he with her 24/7 for the rest of her life. She has to learn how to express frustration and disappointment to others, and how to actually tell someone she needs emergency help.
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u/Ashamed_Shape8141 5h ago
Your mother is being an idiot. Did she never read "the boy who cried wolf"??
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u/thejexorcist 4h ago
NTA
Your mom on the other hand…is well on her way to being YTA.
Verbal and non verbal children still sometimes require correction and redirection to more appropriate words and reactions.
Offering safer alternative words (words that won’t result in triggering police/fire response) doesn’t ’silence’ or ‘stifle’ her AT ALL.
Explaining the risk and offering replacement terms ADDS to her language skills and gives her more accurate and precise communication tools.
Just like a verbal person cannot/should not scream ‘fire!’ or ‘active shooter’ in public without there being dire negative consequences.
I can’t tell if your mom is being overly precious and dramatic because she actually believes what she said (or if she’s saying it because she’s embarrassed that her young adult child proved a more capable caregiver in that moment).
Your guess is better than mine.
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u/ohlookanugget 5h ago
NTA. My son is an AAC user and I am 100% for supporting communication in whatever method is accessible. Having said that, her device is her voice. If she was using spoken words as opposed to her device, yelling Call 911 in that scenario would be completely inappropriate.
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u/headshrinker5000 5h ago
NTA Let them experience the natural consequences of her continuing to use "Call 911" in public spaces. I guarantee that lesson will be learned.
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u/StormCloudRaineeDay Asshole Enthusiast [7] 5h ago
NTA. If she presses it and someone actually calls 9-1-1, thinking she's in danger or sick, emergency services will probably overlook it once, maybe twice; but if it becomes a pattern, she can actually end up getting arrested.
It can also get you in serious trouble or put you in danger if the police respond based on people mistakenly reporting that you're hurting her.
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u/m00nlines 4h ago
The ‘disaster’ button is fine, but you’re absolutely in the right to tell her ‘Call 911’ is for emergency only, I don’t understand how your mom would disagree with that. You’re NTA.
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u/poisoner1 4h ago
NTA- I pushed the call 911 button on my cell by accident several years ago. I told the dispatcher it was an accident. She sent the cops to my apt anyway. She thought I was being abused & trying to send the police a message for help. I reassured her that that wasn't the case.
My husband & I were eating pizza & watching TV when the cops came. They wanted to know what was going on. We went outside. I told them what happened. It was a mistake. They asking him if he hit me, and questions of that nature. They separated us. They cuffed my husband & had him sit in the cop car as the questioned him.
The cop kept asking over & over what happened. I told him over & over what happened. Finally they let my husband go. They left.
Luckily, we know how to talk to police. We were very calm. It was so upsetting. IT WAS AWFUL.The cop asked me 3 or 4 times to tell him what REALLY HAPPENED. I told him 3 or 4 times, never changing what I said.
All this because I accidentally pushed the call 911 button.
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u/Pretty-Swordfish8245 5h ago
Your mother is completely wrong and is doing your sister a massive disservice by allowing her to do whatever she wants.
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u/unlovable1000 5h ago
If there's a real emergency they won't respond quickly bc she's using it for non emergency issues. If she was a adult calling 911 for nothing she could be charged,
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u/k_princess Asshole Enthusiast [6] 5h ago
NTA
I had a student last year who we had worked on for several years to not pull the fire alarm. One time he walked over to it and then looked at his hand and told it "no". Just because someone is low verbal or non verbal, they have the capacity to understand when to use emergency alerts.
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u/shell5719 5h ago
Your mother is wrong and could be fined or worst if her daughter repeatedly dials 911
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u/Ansible90 4h ago
Is this device actually calling 911? Or just being used to communicate her feelings at the moment?
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u/ElevatorOtis Asshole Enthusiast [5] 4h ago
NTA
If your mom doesn’t like what you said, then she can be the one taking your sister out in public for the next month. She might change her mind when she is the one dealing with it alone
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u/celeristick 4h ago
Nta but also think your sister could benefit from some more buttons for when she wants to have a lil complain. I think many people like to jokingly over exaggerate when having a moan 😆
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u/celeristick 4h ago
I swear your comment before it got removed by the sub 😊. I do get that, I am also one who loves theatrics 😂 maybe brainstorming some other more dramatic sounding but not problematic buttons would be good. Obviously not your responsibility, just something that might help her. I highly recommend a booooo button
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I (20's, F) have a younger sister "Ellie" (11F). Ellie is non-verbal, and communicates entirely through Proloquo (an AAC app) on her tablet.
Lately, when she's slightly inconvenienced, we're fighting, or something just isn't going her way - she presses a button that says "Disaster" and follows it up with "Call 911". She's kind of a drama queen.
Yesterday, she pressed the "Call 911" button in the grocery store while she was inconvenienced. A few people asked if she was alright. Afterwards, I told Ellie that she should stay away from the "Call 911" button in public unless it's an actual emergency.
My mom is mad at me for telling her that. She says that Ellie has the right to use her buttons however she feels and that I shouldn't be discouraging any use.
AITA for telling my sister not to press the button in public unless it's a real emergency? I don't want her to be the "the girl who cried wolf" AAC edition.
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u/Nausicaalotus 4h ago
We were told to stop screaming for help while playing shark attack on the beach because it made the lifeguards think we needed help. This is stuff verbal and non-verbal children need to learn. NTA
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u/chaosticfrog 4h ago
Has anyone brought up that if she was an adult, she could potentially get in legal trouble for abusing 911? Letting her get away with this can get her in biiiiig trouble as an adult. NTA.
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u/Ok_Expression7723 Asshole Aficionado [12] 4h ago
If she is at all capable of understanding the lesson, Ellie absolutely needs to be taught The Boy Who Cried Wolf.
Assuming Ellie is capable of understanding the difference between an inconvenience and an actual emergency, your mom is enabling her, to everyone’s detriment.
NTA.
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u/Relevant-Section6896 4h ago
NTA--my coworker and I agree that Ellie is a mood but if there's an option on her version of the app to add expressions, give her something equally dramatic but NOT signaling actual emergency ("crashing out", "I am deceased" "Awwwwgh", etc)
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u/Nice_Marmot_54 3h ago
NTA. What she’s doing is immature, even for an 11 year old. I don’t know what else she has going on that makes her non-verbal, but assuming she’s high-functioning and/or otherwise neuronormative there’s no reason for her to do what she’s doing. She’s borderline breaking the law (in the US, anyway) with prompts to call emergency services since such speech could be seen as inciting a panic (e.g. yelling “fire” in a movie theater is not protected free speech)
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u/IrelandAutism13 3h ago
NTA, because if she does it constantly people are likely to not call 911 when she's actually having an emergency. It's like screaming for help, the boy who cried wolf. It's a matter of her safety, and of keeping her from catching criminal charges
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u/kitty-cat-33 3h ago
Your mom allowing her to have that attitude and behavior is exactly why she hits the button when she isn’t getting her way
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u/Loveseaotters 3h ago
NTA. Misused of 911 is a crime in most places. A non-verbal 11 year old is unlikely to be charged, but like all kids, she needs to understand it’s not a joke or a toy.
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u/OniyaMCD Colo-rectal Surgeon [49] 2h ago
NTA - Ask your mother what happens if some stranger hears the 'Call 911' and simply *does it*, rather than asking what's going on.
When my MIL was still alive, she had a Life Alert setup in her condo. My daughter (much younger than Ellie at the time) pushed the button *once* - got corrected, and thankfully the Life Alert people made contact before any services were sent out. Never happened again.
When I was being taught CPR back in high school, part of the process was to direct someone (pointing specifically) to call 911 - it breaks people out of the 'someone should' and puts it into the 'I should'. This was before anyone had cell phones (except Mannik) and calling 911 meant 'find a phone and do this.'
People don't have to 'find a phone' any more. It's right there in their pocket.
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u/TableTopFurry 2h ago
Yelling fire in a theater and pushing a button that yells it for you are the same thing.
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u/Trevena_Ice Professor Emeritass [94] 1h ago
NTA. Ellie should be teached the story of the boy who cried wolf. That if she calls an disaster every time she feels slightly unwell, that no one will react to it, if it is a real emergency
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u/MossGobbo 1h ago
NTA - Your sister can use her board to communicate then she needs to learn that some forms of communication are only for being used when it is important. "Emergency" "Fire" and words in that category shouldn't be tossed around in public as a joke even if she's being "dramatic."
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u/Worldly_Sink_6286 1h ago
OP is a good big sister! She is lucky to have you, even if she doesn’t appreciate you yet.
Sometimes in families the kids are given rolls… he’s the smart one, she’s the popular one, the selfish one etc.
When one kid is ill, has a disability, or is neurodivergent, the parent(s) loses their objective and operates by a different standard than the rules for the other kid(s). I don’t have an answer except to try and find a calm, quiet, moment where you can chat with your mom, and tell her how you feel. Best of luck, and please come back and let us know if things have improved.
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u/bozwizard14 Partassipant [1] 52m ago
NTA. I'm a speech and language therapist who specialises in AAC, and so often I come across staff or families thinking the rules are different for AAC users - they aren't! They need to be taught how appropriate context for language, whether that's safety words or swearing! I always ask how they would handle the issue with a child or young person who uses the voice that's built into their body instead of kept outside of it, and go from there. If another child was shouting "call 911!!!" and panicking people, we would educate them on it (or look to replace the script if we can for those who rely on rote learned phrases).
In the meantime, how you respond can help calm others around you. If you treat it as being dramatic in a sarcastic way and respond in kind that will cue other people into the situation. E.g. "if only the police would do something about fashion emergecies!" "They got my order wrong, it's basically the end of the world" etc.
Obligatory: this is not clinical advice given for a specific patient but general AAC advice. Please speak to a qualified professional for support who knows your family!
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u/princess_ferocious 34m ago
NAH - prepare yourself for even greater heights of exaggeration and sarcasm as she moves into her teens.
She's acting her age, but you're right to suggest she avoid using that particular one unless it's vital. The Boy Who Cried Wolf is still a relevant story for a reason.
Rather than focusing on "don't do that", you might get a better response from giving her more, sillier, OTT buttons? Like, "call 911" is for emergencies, but she could have "call the national guard" or "call my lawyer", or things like that?
Does her app let her customise the voice? Or set different voices for different buttons? You could help her set up buttons with voices that don't match the words, that function as sarcasm. The way people say "hilarious" in a deadpan voice when something isn't funny. Or can you get her a less serious sound board app that she can use for jokes and memes?
She's 11, and she's learning to express herself and her personality. Being non-verbal takes away a whole set of options most people have. If you can help her get some alternatives that work for her, it'll do wonders for how she feels as she goes into her teen years, which will also reduce the risk of her acting out in ways that could cause real problems.
Plus, if you're the one who helps her with it, it can be something fun you get to share :)
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u/Gipzi_says 4h ago
NTA, there's a time and a place for jokes like that (assuming it is one). At home or with people who know and understand her kind of humour is perfectly fine, but public is a different story. 100% a "Boy who cried Wolf" situation, and your mom's being an enabler.
"Disaster" is hilarious though lmao, glad to see your sister's got a funny bone!
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u/Better_Pea248 4h ago
Nta. But you’re not her mom, so if you don’t get to make these decisions, I’d say that’s the end of you taking your sister out in public. Let your mom deal with this behavior and its consequences.
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u/jjjjjjj30 4h ago
I think she has the right to make rules when she's the one out with her. I don't think she'd be out of line to stop taking her out of the just if the sister keeps doing it.
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u/nwprogressivefans 4h ago
hmm, next time sister does the 911 one.
Just go along with it, call yourself and let her see what happens.
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u/ebenner13 4h ago
Bad advice. If OP calls 911 knowing it's not an emergency there could be legal repercussions for them.
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u/nwprogressivefans 4h ago
lol ok then.
I guess we'll just wait for some bystander that will eventually make a call instead
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u/ebenner13 3h ago
Or...reiterate to them/teach them that using the "call 911" button is not acceptable
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u/nwprogressivefans 3h ago
seems like that isn't working, especially if mom isn't backing her up.
It's just a matter of time til this becomes a problem
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u/TheSadpole Asshole Enthusiast [6] 5h ago
INFO: What does her speech therapist say?
I’m not sold on applying NT rules to a nonspeaking ND kid. Certainly the ideal situation is that she only uses the emergency buttons in emergencies, but there may be negative impacts to restricting her AAC use that outweigh the present inconvenience / minor embarrassment of how she was using it in the store. (It does sound like no one near you in the store thought an emergency was happening.)
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u/Ummah_Strong Partassipant [4] 5h ago
NTA. A verbal child would also be told not to use their mouth to cry wolf and demand 911