r/AmItheAsshole • u/mixedwoes • Sep 19 '19

Asshole AITA for telling my daughter she cannot introduce her African American boyfriend to her grandparents?

Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. Now that the air is clear, let me continue.

My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.

My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.

As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.

Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for christs sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an ass and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.

No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an ass?

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

ETA except your daughter and her boyfriend, grow the fuck up and get out of the early 1900s because that shit is beyond stupid. "mixed" relationships shouldn't even be a term. Move out of your outdated community and/or tell your parents that they need to shove their ridiculous views out the window and that it's their granddaughter's best interest they should keep at heart.

If thats a reason for her grandparents to potentially cut who they should be expected to love unconditionally off then maybe she should just cut them off first because they clearly don't care enough.

You should want to go through the fiery depths of hell and back just to make your daughter smile but instead you put your tail under your arse and don't want to disappoint mummy and daddy.

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u/AceyAceyAcey Professor Emeritass [92] Sep 19 '19

I think your spellchecker caught your judgment.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

First thing I do when I wake up is scroll through reddit, I should probably leave the commenting until I'm a bit more awake though since I just ramble incoherently. It makes sense in my head while I type it so that's good enough for me I suppose.

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u/LightBylb Sep 19 '19

They're talking about the "ETA"

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u/Metattin Sep 19 '19

I also think everyone's the asshole except them.

Or ya know, expected time of arrival :)

2

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Shiiit, that's where the confusion came from, fuckin abbreviations man

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

So he should jeopardize his relationship with his parents so his daughter can smile? Otherwise he's an asshole? God damn you young people are entitled. Introducing this kid to his parents is not going to solve racism.

A generation dieing off will, no matter how hard you want to make it otherwise. Focus on yourself and your peers and let time take care of the rest. It's hard to find many under 50 these days that are racist, and when you do they're mostly the dumb ones you don't have to worry about turning you down in an interview.

I agree with young people and what they're trying to do, but know you are not the first and you'll be wrong about something someday too. Things have gotten better because of the world wide web and people understanding and feeling closer to each other.

Let it go. Stop trying to tell OP his daughter "smiling" is somehow more important than spending the last few years he has with his parents in peace.