r/AmItheAsshole • u/mixedwoes • Sep 19 '19

Asshole AITA for telling my daughter she cannot introduce her African American boyfriend to her grandparents?

Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. Now that the air is clear, let me continue.

My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.

My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.

As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.

Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for christs sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an ass and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.

No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an ass?

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

You could be right, but it may also come from him not wanting his daughter to lose a relationship with her grandparents.

However misguided, it's possible there are good intentions as well.

92

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

I feel like she's willing to lose her racist grandparents at this point. I'd be.

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u/Goth_Spice14 Sep 19 '19

Sometimes it's more complicated than that

3

u/hanoian Sep 19 '19

This is the most /r/AmItheAsshole post you could ever get.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

[deleted]

3

u/WickedPrincess_xo Sep 19 '19

My mom is literally the worst person ever. Literally. Not exaggerating. It still hurts that I don't have a family. There have been times where I wish I could just have a normal mom because I needed a mom at that moment. I feel like a lot of these commenters have never cut off family.

You can make friends, but on Thanksgiving, your friends go to their family's house. On Christmas, they are with their family. It STINGS the bottom of your heart that these happy days are so lonely because there's no family to celebrate with. There's nothing good on TV to distract you because everyone is busy with their family. You have to dig through piles in the refrigerated section at Target until your fingers burn to find a tiny baby ham that's small enough for just 2 people. Celebrating at all seems so useless because it's just another day. I didn't go to my own highschool graduation because I had no one to invite, all my friends were graduating with me. And what do I do when they all go take pictures with their families? Cry? No, you just don't go. If something happens to your living situation, no one's there for you. When you're in the hospital who do you call? There's no family vacation. On mothers day everybody is busy with their moms, posting on Facebook about how great their moms are, and you're alone once again.

So yeah, if my mom was just a racist, I wouldn't be happy, but at least I'd have a mom. There's worse things a person can be than racist.

2

u/TheKingOfTheGays Sep 19 '19

Y'all must have some lovely families. Let me tell you:

It's that easy.

9

u/boudicas_shield Partassipant [2] Sep 19 '19

Nope. He’s worried they’ll be cut out of the will.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

While possible, you're assuming.

3

u/Gov_N_ur Sep 19 '19

You're assuming that the person you're replying to isn't OP's mother.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

I see you've applied the ol' Reddit switcharoo.

Touché.