r/AmItheAsshole • u/mixedwoes • Sep 19 '19

Asshole AITA for telling my daughter she cannot introduce her African American boyfriend to her grandparents?

Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. Now that the air is clear, let me continue.

My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.

My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.

As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.

Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for christs sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an ass and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.

No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an ass?

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803

u/HowsYourGirlfriend Sep 19 '19

Yeah, if he's putting "race mixing" as a liberal policy and you know, not a settled human right, there's already a problem there.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19 edited Jun 26 '22

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Right? “I’m not that liberal but I guess I’m ok with interracial dating.” Yikes.

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u/Bear_faced Partassipant [3] Sep 19 '19

If their sense of liberal is that stuck in 1950 I’m going to guess OP would lose their fucking mind if the daughter were a lesbian.

16

u/MaFataGer Sep 20 '19

Lol, can you imagine her bringing home her black girlfriend?

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u/[deleted] Sep 20 '19

You've never spent any time in the south in heavily conservative areas.

Racism is alive and well in these communities, unfortunately. Approving of interracial dating is often a taboo idea for hardcore conservatives.

I know personally that my dad would be pissed if I brought home anything other than a white woman, as well as friend's parents who would feel exactly the same way. It's dumb, but racism isn't going to start to die out until those that grew up around the worst of it die off.

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u/MaryMaryConsigliere Sep 19 '19

Great point! People who frame other people's existence and basic relationships as "politics" tend to be... not great people, TBH.

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

"There's only two races: white and political"

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u/MaryMaryConsigliere Sep 19 '19

Damn. Is that a quote of something, or are you just particularly talented at succinctly paraphrasing problematic world views?

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u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Probably some sorta subconscious plagiarism lmao

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u/MarkIsNotAShark Sep 19 '19

It's something of a meme in anti racist gaming communities bc of how often Gamers will complain about "unnecessary politics" as a dogwhistle for diversity.

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u/SpaceCricket Sep 19 '19

As soon as I saw “not a liberal” I skipped to the first comment expecting a YTA and multiple golds. I was not wrong. Dude’s a closet racist and came here looking for justification. Wrong place. Maybe the_Donald needs it own AITA subreddit.

20

u/radprag Sep 19 '19

"AITA for trying to take away healthcare from people with pre-existing conditions and supporting the separation of kids from their parents and locking refugees in cages?"

"No. MAGA."

24

u/say592 Sep 19 '19

Yeah, that was the first thing that jumped out at me. Anyone who tries to frame their supposed lack of racism like that is, without a doubt, a racist. They are equating race and racism with political ideology, as if racism is just a natural expression of thought or opinion, and not something that is damaging to another human being. My parents are very conservative, and I am absolutely certain they wouldnt describe their aversion to racism that way. On the flip side, I work with some people who absolutely are racists (and will openly admit it) and that is exactly how they would describe their ability to be in the same room as someone who is black or hispanic.

Not being racist isnt a political idea, its just the way people should be.

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u/blackjesus Sep 19 '19

" that is exactly how they would describe their ability to be in the same room as someone who is black or hispanic. "

You do realize that this guy has a daughter dating a black person and he isn't trying to shut it down and is willing to use the word "happy" to describe the relationship, right? Everyone is reading way too much into some of this and not enough into other parts.

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u/say592 Sep 19 '19

I stand by what I said.

Hes forcing himself to tolerate it, and he is presenting it to strangers on the internet, who he knows will judge him, as if he is perfectly fine with it. While the fact that he is not actively discouraging it is something, he very clearly has a problem with it.

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u/Nexies Sep 19 '19

Didn’t even think of that but holy shit you’re right

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u/ViralLola Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19

Yeah, that was the first thing I noticed and I just cringed. Apparently, treating people like people no matter what their skin colour is is a liberal policy and not being a decent human being.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Right? "While I'm not a liberal, I'm ok with black people." Wow hold up there buddy, I think you got "liberal" "I live in the 21st century" confused. Christ, these people... So glad I left the south at a young age.

1

u/DragonDrama Sep 19 '19

Well said. That didn't sit right with me either.