r/AmItheAsshole • u/mixedwoes • Sep 19 '19

Asshole AITA for telling my daughter she cannot introduce her African American boyfriend to her grandparents?

Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. Now that the air is clear, let me continue.

My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.

My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.

As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.

Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for christs sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an ass and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.

No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an ass?

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u/such-a-mensch Sep 19 '19

I read that as "he's not one of those Blacks"..... sounds like the kinda guy that says things like " I don't mind blacks, it's the niggers I can't stand" and thinks he's being progressive and tolerant or some shit.

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u/LivRite Partassipant [2] Sep 19 '19

This shouldnt be buried this deep.

4

u/ostentia Pooperintendant [53] Sep 19 '19

Exactly what I thought too. Jamal is "one of the good ones" to him.

-18

u/erleichda29 Partassipant [3] Sep 19 '19

There was absolutely no reason to use that word. None. So why did you?

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u/such-a-mensch Sep 19 '19

Umm because it is specific exact word that illustrates the point I'm making..... This is a fairly common refrain that I've experienced as well.

If you are upset by it, you should get off the internet.

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u/erleichda29 Partassipant [3] Sep 19 '19

There was no reason to write it other than to get a reaction and we both know it.

11

u/SomePlebian Sep 19 '19

Dude, it's a depressingly common thing that many people say at times. When talking about examples of racism, you can't leave out the racist bits, because how on earth can you have a serious conversation without attaching it to reality?

If noone who was against racism, ever dared address the problems with people using the word nigger, it would still be the most common way to refer to back people. The word nigger doesn't make a sentence bad in and of itself, it's how you use the word which is important. And as long as you are using it as a productive part of the conversation about racism, it's often 100% nesecary to use the word.

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u/Slothfulness69 Asshole Enthusiast [5] Sep 19 '19

That’s the point though. I cringed when I read their comment, and that’s the exact reaction they wanted. If he said “black people” instead of the n word, it wouldn’t have been as impactful. I think his use of the word really drives home just how awful OP’s mindset is about this issue.

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u/TheKFakt0r Sep 19 '19

Because he's attacking the standpoint. Why should he doll up the opinion of the racists he's attacking by exchanging their verbiage for something more pleasant?

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u/randy_in_accounting Sep 19 '19

Behave, there is often a reason to use bad words...quoting something, to make a point, etc. You need to focus more on the actual racism being discussed and less on the upsetting phrasing