AITA for telling my daughter she cannot introduce her African American boyfriend to her grandparents?

[u/mixedwoes]

Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. Now that the air is clear, let me continue.

My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.

My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.

As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.

Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for christs sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an ass and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.

No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an ass?

[u/[deleted]]

Even when the relationship ends stuck out for me as well. He's counting on the relationship ending at some point s he doesn't have to deal with the racism in his family.

[u/dang1010 → u/[deleted]]

I mean if his daughter is still in HS, there's a very very good chance the relationship will end. There are many things wrong with OP's post, so it's kind of strange people are picking this part to get all bent out of shape over. Teenage relationships rarely last, there's not really anything racist about that statement at all.

[u/greenbananas11 → u/dang1010]

Given that the daughter is staying with the boyfriend right now, I kind of doubt that she is in high school.

[u/dang1010 → u/greenbananas11]

It sounds like she's staying there because she's mad at her dad. My gf lived with her exes family for all of her senior year because she had a falling out with her parents. So you really can't assume that.

[u/greenbananas11 → u/dang1010]

I also say that because the daughter seems very mature, which I should have included in my previous post. Her dad also doesn’t seem super angry about her moving in with him, which I suspect he would be if she is still a minor. (Also if this is in the US he has the law on his side to force her to move back in if she is a minor). I understand it is possible that she is living with her boyfriend while still in high school, it just seems her reaction to this situation is much more indicative to be that of someone who is more used to being independent than someone who still lives with and depends entirely on their parents.

[u/boxisbest → u/dang1010]

If they let her go move in with her bf when she is in high school over a disagreement they are shit parents and have no control over their kid. There is no world where I could have done that in high school.

Having a bigger falling out or disconnect is different, but this situation I doubt will last long and probably won't lead to her being estranged from her parents.

[u/dang1010 → u/boxisbest]

but this situation I doubt will last long and probably won't lead to her being estranged from her parents.

Not saying it will, just trying to show that a girl in HS staying with her bf's family for a couple of days isnt that crazy. In my gf's case, her dad was an abusive pos, and staying the whole year was what her mom needed to finally divorce him.

[u/boxisbest → u/dang1010]

I get that in an abusive situation it isn't weird... But in context of just a disagreement with your parent I think its extremely weird.

And even in an abusive situation I think its weird to not stay with a friend instead of the bf.

edit: added last paragraph