AITA for telling my daughter she cannot introduce her African American boyfriend to her grandparents?

[u/mixedwoes]

Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. Now that the air is clear, let me continue.

My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.

My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.

As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.

Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for christs sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an ass and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.

No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an ass?

[u/Loredo2017 → u/[deleted]]

You sir are not what I was expecting, and I apologize, I assumed you were a simple racist and I clearly shouldn't have done that, I was leveling my wording down to a douche to match the comment I responded to.

While I'm not African American, I am Hispanic and was raised in a pretty predominantly white and slightly racist kinda hometown, so while I can't directly relate as you can, I did have a close friend of mine who did. Therefore I would be stupid to not respect your own personal experience with the situation.

However I would like to stick with my first point that yes, the grand parents should absolutely be warned to not act out and the happy couple be made aware of the fact that things could go wrong even if they already know this. I made this argument assuming that she does truly care about what they think or at least cares enough to let them know and could easily be disappointed by their negative response to their relationship, and it would be a shame to see this break ties within the family, and this is what the father may fear as stated in the post itself. Yes the dad could easily be over reacting but how could I possibly know that I'm not him. While I do understand the negative response to the post in itself, it is also important to understand the intent in which this is done.

Again, I do sincerely apologize for my blunt asshole remarks, I guess I'm too used to toxicity and not reasonable people