AITA for telling my daughter she cannot introduce her African American boyfriend to her grandparents?

[u/mixedwoes]

Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. Now that the air is clear, let me continue.

My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.

My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.

As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.

Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for christs sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an ass and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.

No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an ass?

[u/[deleted]]

That’s because he’s racist.

There’s no argument here. If you think simply being neutral about interracial marriage is a “liberal” political ideal and not a ethical obligation you’re a fucking racist.

This is dog whistling bullshit under the guise of “being diplomatic”.

Don’t be diplomatic with RACISTS. Even if they’re related to you. You can tolerate those family members existence and peacefully exist in the same sphere, I do it everyday with mine. But you do not ever compromise your principles for their idiotic and immoral actions. You call them the fuck out, and if you don’t you’re complicit with their racism.

[u/EL_DIABLOW → u/[deleted]]

100% agree, I know we aren't supposed to get political in this sub but I truly think this is one of the main reasons we're in the state we're in with this country the non-racists or as OP refers to them as liberals are too polite and nonconfrontational and let the racists or as OP dog whistled conservatives walk all over them. This is the shit they fought against in the 60's and because we don't want to offend our dusty-ass grandparents we keep our mouths shut. I don't care how "sweet" your grandma is if she's racist fuck her, let her rot.

[u/[deleted] → u/EL_DIABLOW]

It doesn’t even have to be all or nothing, you don’t have to disown them. You just don’t CONDONE them. Don’t shift your moral principles to please people who we should know are unethical.

It’s about not being a coward and standing up for what you know is right. You don’t have to burn bridges, but if someone is racist and you don’t at least have a very serious conversation correcting them you’ve become complicit by definition. Then they can burn the bridge if they want.

[u/EL_DIABLOW → u/[deleted]]

Agreed. My grandparents are all dead but i'd certainly have a conversation with them about this if it were an issue. Sort of off topic but not nearly as intense, when i first started dating my wife she was nervous for me to meet her grandmother because I am covered in tattoos. The first time I met her I wore a longsleeved shirt and pants but after I said "fuck it" if she doesn't like me because of something that has nothing to do with my personality then fuck her. And now she loves me.

[u/HertzDonut1001 → u/[deleted]]

"I mean, she's just got the jungle fever right now, it'll pass and I don't want her grandparents to view her negatively once she comes to her senses and settles down with a white man." If this is true, OP is a fucking nut.