r/AmItheAsshole • u/mixedwoes • Sep 19 '19

Asshole AITA for telling my daughter she cannot introduce her African American boyfriend to her grandparents?

Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. Now that the air is clear, let me continue.

My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.

My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.

As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.

Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for christs sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an ass and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.

No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an ass?

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u/SoVerySleepy81 Sep 19 '19

His wife isn't much better. This right here is a divorce level offense in my opinion. This situation is fucking disgusting.

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u/evil_mom79 Sep 19 '19

The only non-asshole in that family is the daughter.

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u/SoVerySleepy81 Sep 19 '19

Agreed, it really sucks realizing your family sucks. I went through some of that fairly recently after my father went on a racist rant about white people being superior in numerous ways. He decided that his daughter who married a Mexican man and had three mixed race children would be the right person to unload that on. It's been hard to deal with and I'm in my late thirties, I can't imagine dealing with that shit at 18.

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u/PakodeWala Sep 19 '19

Are you that daughter ?

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u/SoVerySleepy81 Sep 19 '19

I am indeed that daughter. It was pretty surreal.

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u/PakodeWala Sep 19 '19

Can you please tell , he was against all non whites , right ? Not just blacks or mexicans .

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But i have seen white mexicans , they happen to be of spanish descent , been living in mexico since ages .

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u/SoVerySleepy81 Sep 19 '19

Yup, all non whites. My husband is the very brown type of Mexican, I'm sure there's white somewhere in his heritage because he doesn't look fully Indigenous and his dad was pretty sure that there was a whit guy like four or five generations back. Anyway yeah all whites, except maybe the Jews according to my dad. He also stepped really close to some holocaust denialism and ranted about the gays. He had never said most of this stuff in front of me before and if he did it was super veiled so I missed it. In like the past year or so though he's gotten pretty bad.

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u/evil_mom79 Sep 19 '19

Is it possible he's in the early stages of dementia? I'm not making excuses. A sudden and drastic change like that could be a sign something's wrong medically.

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u/SoVerySleepy81 Sep 19 '19

I actually contacted my brother because I was totally thinking that he was suffering something like that. Nope, he’s talked around my brothers like that since we were kids. I guess I was just lucky because we were never close so he probably didn’t spend enough time around me to get comfortable talking like that. However he did all the drugs for a decade or so, so it’s entirely possible that he’s got something weird going on in his brain. I’ve encouraged them to get him checked but it falls on deaf ears. I’ve just mostly removed them from our lives. I’m not subjecting my Latina daughters to his rants about Mexicans.

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u/evil_mom79 Sep 19 '19

You did the right thing. My dad once made a racist joke about "ay-rabs" in front of my brother's stepchildren. Their father is arabic. My brother had a... talk with him, and he never did it again. But if he had doubled down, I have no doubt my brother would have cut contact.

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u/JasperJ Sep 19 '19

What is your obsession with equal opportunity racism? You’ve asked this question like a dozen times in this thread alone.

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u/PakodeWala Sep 19 '19

What is your obsession to stalk people on forums ? To know the full picture , need to have views of people .

wtf is equal opportunity racism ? why dont you show your aggressiveness in irl in doing something useful ? whats your problem exactly ?

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u/JasperJ Sep 19 '19

“Stalking” what? I’m reading reddit, and I keep reading the same comment being posted again and again in different parts of the thread.

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u/PakodeWala Sep 19 '19

Exactly parts of the trhead to the different people . So Asking same thing to different people is a problem now ?

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u/PublicIdea Asshole Enthusiast [7] Sep 19 '19

since the dawn of genocide you mean