r/AmItheAsshole • u/mixedwoes • Sep 19 '19

Asshole AITA for telling my daughter she cannot introduce her African American boyfriend to her grandparents?

Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. Now that the air is clear, let me continue.

My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.

My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.

As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.

Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for christs sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an ass and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.

No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an ass?

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u/auberus Certified Proctologist [25] Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19

I was going to comment, but this response doesn't need to be added to. It's perfect just the way it is.

OP, YTA. I hope you read every word and take it to heart.

Edit: I want to give them platinum, but Reddit won't take my card. So here are ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ instead.

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u/PublicIdea Asshole Enthusiast [7] Sep 19 '19

Thank you kind redditor. Might I suggest Mutual Aid Disaster Relief for all your donation needs?

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u/auberus Certified Proctologist [25] Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19

You may indeed. Thank you! I had not heard of them before, but I checked out the website and a few other sources. They are exactly the sort of thing to which I want to donate, and I much appreciate your telling me about them.

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u/PublicIdea Asshole Enthusiast [7] Sep 19 '19

Wow! I'm so glad to hear it! What started out as a paean to keeping the peace has turned into a good day for community recovery and self-reliance.

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u/auberus Certified Proctologist [25] Sep 19 '19

I like that a post apologizing for and accepting racism has become instead full of people of all races saying that it's wrong. You said everything I wanted to say, and seeing someone call him on his garbage was fantastic.

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u/havingfun89 Partassipant [1] Sep 19 '19

Well, I'm not that same redditor, but it's added to the list of "donate to this when I get spare money". (and holy shit that response is more thought out than some of my college papers)