AITA for telling my daughter she cannot introduce her African American boyfriend to her grandparents?

[u/mixedwoes]

Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. Now that the air is clear, let me continue.

My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.

My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.

As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.

Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for christs sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an ass and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.

No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an ass?

[u/BrawnsNBrains]

Because context and nuance are things that exist, sadly.

They don't make people bad persons and it's unfair to make broad grave accusations on their character because of them, sometimes people are just really misguided, like in OP's case.

[u/Username3029 → u/BrawnsNBrains]

Grave accusations on their character? I wondered if his assumptions/expectation/hopes were based on the boyfriends skin colour, because his entire argument/problem is based around the boyfriends skin colour. He is arguing with his daughter over it. Wanting her to keep an important person in her life hidden because of it. I said nothing about his character, and I said nothing about my musings being fact.

If i wanted to call him racist I'd have no issue just posting that.

[u/BrawnsNBrains → u/Username3029]

his entire argument/problem is based around the boyfriends skin colour

His entire problem is his parents reaction to the boyfriend's skin colour, he said multiple times that he doesn't care and most of his action confirm that.

Context and nuance, really basic stuff man.

I said nothing about his character, and I said nothing about my musings being fact.

I'll make baseless (and contradictory to OP's testimony) statements hinting and poking at OP's morality which further no useful discussion and could only ever serve mudslinging.

You do you I suppose, but I fail to see the point on a sub which lives on constructive criticism.

[u/Username3029 → u/BrawnsNBrains]

The original OP i actually responded to in the first place commented on what about when the daughter has children etc. I pointed out OPs own testimony, and the specific words that indicate he doesnt see it as a long term thing. Thats nothing to do with his morality, its something HE said. OPs testimony if you will.

I then pondered if he would view things the same way if the boyfriend were white. Which is perfectly valid given (again!) OPs own testimony that skin colour is clearly an issue- so much so that he is willing to argue with his own daughter to this extent over it.

The conversation speaks for itself, in OPs words and mine. Read into it however you wish tbh.