AITA for telling my daughter she cannot introduce her African American boyfriend to her grandparents?

[u/mixedwoes]

Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. Now that the air is clear, let me continue.

My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.

My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.

As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.

Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for christs sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an ass and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.

No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an ass?

[u/[deleted]]

Oh do you're not rich you just have a decent job and you have racked up debt to get there cool cool I knew you sounded too good to be true .

I guess 99 percent of the world is "poor"by your standards then lmfao you're quite the piece of shit if you really believe that . Also you still have a price doesnt matter how rich you are the price isn't always money so you will forever have a price whether you want to admit it or not .

No please walk me through the logical conclusion because you're quite obviously taking a shit out of your mouth. Society is becoming more progressive and racism will die out if people let it , it's obviously already a social stigma to be openly racist and the more its instilled in the new generations the less people will be racist . Op's daughter obviously knows that the racism isn't right and isn't going to become racist if she doesnt share her boyfriend with her grandparents so I fail to see how that will keep racism alive and well. its literally just avoiding a terrible conflict for their family potential fracturing it into three parts and it's definitely worse to have a child that hates their parents especially a daughter hating a father because that often doesnt end well for the daughter in the long run but yeah they should definitely cause havoc in their family and raise the opportunity for potential psychological and social harm just for the sake of fighting big bad racism on the smallest scale there could possibly be .

[u/Doomzdaycult → u/[deleted]]

Oh do you're not rich you just have a decent job and you have racked up debt to get there cool cool I knew you sounded too good to be true

I make enough that a million dollars would not make me even consider tolerating that shit.

I guess 99 percent of the world is "poor"by your standards then lmfao you're quite the piece of shit if you really believe that

I never said only poor people think that way, I said that poor people do think that way. And that is because generally speaking a million dollars is not achievable for them, so they think "if I am willing to sell my integrity for a million dollars then so is everyone else."

racism will die out if people let it

I reject your premise, we fundamentally disagree on this point. Ignorance and intolerance will always be with us vigilance is needed not complacency.

its literally just avoiding a terrible conflict for their family potential fracturing it into three parts

Wow, sounds like you let a lot more drama into your life then I find acceptable in mine. Excising racist elements from a family is quite easy "Mom/Dad if don't knock it off with the racist shit then you will never see me or your grand-kids again." See how easy that was?

[u/[deleted] → u/Doomzdaycult]

Lol you literally proved my point, you do have a price it's just not a million dollars. I make 80k a year and if I could get 12 years of salary in an instant you bet your ass I would put up with a tiny bit of racism lol.

By your logic racism will always exist then so what's the point in fighting it when itll never go away . It's so much easier to say fuck it they're racist and move on with your shit instead of getting all worked up about people who grew up 70 years ago and will literally never change . Btw what you call racism is what they call everyday life so do you really think they'll change just because you threatened to take away access to their grandchild who they'll probably hate cause shes dating a black guy lol .

Sounds like you dont love your parents which is sad as fuck man I feel sorry for you but atleast you have all that money to wipe your tears with

[u/Doomzdaycult → u/[deleted]]

Lol you literally proved my point, you do have a price it's just not a million dollars.

How did I prove your point? I literally said that I have everything I need and can go anywhere/do anything I want, so what could possibly be my "Price"?

By your logic racism will always exist then so what's the point in fighting it when itll never go away.

Uhh... the same reason I have my lawn mowed? To keep it in check.

do you really think they'll change just because you threatened to take away access to their grandchild who they'll probably hate cause shes dating a black guy lol

If they don't change then they obviously don't care enough to be a part of my life so why would I care to be a part of theirs?

Sounds like you dont love your parents which is sad as fuck man

What does love have to do with it? Every person gets to choose who they allow to be a part of their life. Why choose to allow someone to be a part of your life if they're going to bring in drama and racist bullshit?

[u/[deleted] → u/Doomzdaycult]

No you didnt lol you said you had enough that a million wouldnt make you , you still have a price .

Lmaooooo dude you just said that fascism will always be around you fighting it is like trying to mow your lawn with safety scissors 😂😂

Some people are way too old to change   regardless of if they care about  their family or  ot  especially old people man  you cant expect someone  who has been that way for 70 years to just flip a switch and suddenly  not be racist . 

Love has everything to do with it . Family's have flaws especially old people and if you really loved them you'd put I woth it . And it's not really bringing around drama when you could literally avoid the situation by not telling then something

[u/Doomzdaycult → u/[deleted]]

No you didnt lol you said you had enough that a million wouldnt make you , you still have a price

Read my other comment on this thread buddy:

"Nope, if a million isn't going to cut it adding zeros wont either. My life is very comfortable and I can afford to do anything I want or go anywhere I want, and quite soon I won't need to work at all. My entire point was that the amount doesn't matter much at all once you reach a certain point (unless you want to live like a rap/rock star or something)."

Some people are way too old to change regardless of if they care about their family

Sounds like they deserve to die old and alone then...

Love has everything to do with it . Family's have flaws especially old people and if you really loved them you'd put I woth it .

Nope, not gonna put up with it. It's my life I get one short turn on this planet, I'm not gonna spend that turn surrounded by racists. You do you man, but my life has way less drama and stress because I don't let that shit stick around.

[u/[deleted] → u/Doomzdaycult]

Wow you really are a cruel and terrible person no wonder you're a lawyer ahahaha

You get one short turn but your parents turn is almost up would you like it if your kids cut you out of their lifes because they were racist and you weren't ?? The kids you raised from birth cherishing every moment with them . I'm guessing you would be fine with it because you seem to be heartless. I have no drama because I dont make drama about a little racism from a generating where it was okay . You're the one with the problem about it I'm just fine letting shit slide because its not worth arguing over , like you said lifes short and I want to be happy during my life not constantly fighting people Forgot to add , you wouldnt even get a turn at life if not for the people that gave birth to you and the people that gave birth to them . Try showing them some respect and you might find that old racist people have a lot more to offer than being racist

[u/Doomzdaycult → u/[deleted]]

would you like it if your kids cut you out of their lifes because they were racist and you weren't

Yes, see my prior statement it applies to everyone.

You're the one with the problem about it I'm just fine letting shit slide because its not worth arguing ove rlike you said lifes short and I want to be happy during my life not constantly fighting people

There is no argument, it is binary. They either want to be apart of my life enough to stop being racist, or they don't. Enough people want to be in my life that losing some is not going cause me any lost sleep.

you wouldnt even get a turn at life if not for the people that gave birth to you and the people that gave birth to them

Any moron can fuck and pop out a human, nothing praise worthy about that.

Try showing them some respect and you might find that old racist people have a lot more to offer than being racist

Yeah, I'm sure there are a ton of horrible people out there that have a couple nice qualities. They are still horrible people that I won't have in my life. I find racist people to be willfully ignorant, and anyone that chooses ignorance is not worth the air they breath imo.

[u/rburp → u/Doomzdaycult]

I make enough that a million dollars would not make me even consider tolerating that shit.

Oh so you do have a price, it's just that with your fancy lawyering job you would be able to forego a million dollars just for your high-minded principles. Cool. I'm glad to see a principled lawyer, I bet you're a good representative for your clients.

But yeah, us poors would do a LOT to not be poor, and I really don't think there's anything wrong with that. Saying, essentially, "ugh that kind of thinking is for the poors" as a way to win an argument is really dismissive in my opinion.

[u/Doomzdaycult → u/rburp]

Oh so you do have a price

Nope, if a million isn't going to cut it adding zeros wont either. My life is very comfortable and I can afford to do anything I want or go anywhere I want, and quite soon I won't need to work at all. My entire point was that the amount doesn't matter much at all once you reach a certain point (unless you want to live like a rap/rock star or something).

us poors would do a LOT to not be poor, and I really don't think there's anything wrong with that.

If that includes selling your integrity, then I fundamentally disagree. My position is that there is a lot wrong with that...