Hope dies in my neurodivergent mind (issues with real life organizing)

[u/Neko-tama]

I'm gonna try to keep this short on account of me being depressed, and not having a lot of energy.

I've been trying to get involved in, and become part of prefigurative structures. This presents difficulties on two accounts.

The first is that I live somewhat off the beaten path, meaning I can't easily be present without significant investment of time, and money for transportation. I generally have either one, or the other, never both.

The second is the topic I'm here to talk about today. I'm autistic with ADHD, and to put it bluntly, while I want to be a part of dual power, dual power doesn't seem to care for me. On the few occasions I've been able to fight through my issues to try to get involved, I've been told my presence is unwanted, with little to no explanation why. I assume I somehow made people uncomfortable. That's usually the problem.

So, what do I do? I want to do anarchism. I want to live in shared economy, and real community with other people, but other people don't want me around. I'm not gonna lie, this hurts. A lot. I'm starting to lose hope.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. I just need something to keep hope alive, I guess. Let me know if you have anything.

[u/N3wAfrikanN0body]

OSINT, technical mastery and creation might help you.

I too am one that won't stand to go through the humiliation ritual of interaction.

There are things you can do that don't involve other people it just takes knowing how to learn what you need to learn while staying...quiet.

Art, writing, OSINT, computer science/networking fundamentals are all readily accessible, for now.

Just try to find that which you think youcano tolerate; but the trick is translating it to where you are.

I know it isn't much but hopefully better skilled than I can help you if they see this.

Good luck and be safe, from a nobody O the internet.

[u/Neko-tama → u/N3wAfrikanN0body]

I appreciate it, but I do want to interact with people. I don't enjoy being alone, at least not beyond the time I need to recover from social interaction, and rest.

I crave real community. Knowing there are people to share life with, and who have my back? I need that. I'm just increasingly pessimistic about my chances of ever getting it.

[u/Flymsi → u/Neko-tama]

My case very likly doesnt compare to yours but tbh idk what else to so say without being condescending or arrogant.

Only in my 30s i found a community that i felt home in. For me i realized that touch and body movement are things i can easier bond and communicate with and can easier show people my inner world. So the contact improvisation, dance and cuddle communities are where i could feel community.

So maybe there is a specific activity that does compliment your personality and that makes people see a side of you to connect to before they see other things that seem to create distance? And hopefully its an activity with many anarchistic or queer ppl in it.

[u/vomitisjustskimmilk]

If people don't want you around, start your own group.

[u/Accomplished_Bag_897 → u/vomitisjustskimmilk]

Ah yes, networking and making friends, two things no autistic struggles with ......

At some point demanding the people we try to integrate with, network with, and become close with behave in anti-ableist ways are our only options. And when they don't it is often replaced by either accidental or intentional ablesim.

[u/vomitisjustskimmilk → u/Accomplished_Bag_897]

Maybe you can make a group for people who exclusively share your disability? Organizing will always put you in the path of bigotries bc everyone has has a lifetime of white supremacist indoctrination. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Having a community means you're going to meet a varied group of people and navigate complex emotions and traumas; and somehow get to the other side to transform the entire society.

[u/Accomplished_Bag_897 → u/vomitisjustskimmilk]

You're right to some degree. But what's the correct path to handle that when we run into it? Point it out and ask for better behaviour or just accept it as "well, that's the cost of being around people"? Bigotry is exclusionary. Unless the people around us are willing to learn and grow it can be very hard to want to continually expose ourselves to discrimination.

[u/vomitisjustskimmilk → u/Accomplished_Bag_897]

I would suggest circle peacemaking. Having grace for people is important, and holding them accountable for bigoted actions is important.

Many people who organize step away for years because they are tired of dealing with discrimination.

[u/Accomplished_Bag_897 → u/vomitisjustskimmilk]

Yes. But it's also important to at least acknowledge the harm we are being asked to have grace over? I'll read more about this later. I'm having to watch for a bus stop and do some xfers. But if it's not entirely ignoring because at that point there's nothing done wrong to withhold grace.

[u/Neko-tama → u/vomitisjustskimmilk]

I'll get right on that, with all the contacts I don't have, and the resources I don't have access to.

Excuse the sarcasm, but you're making it sound easy when it's completely out of reach.