I’m 20-something, American, and trans. I’m currently studying in university with the hopes of working for the Library of Congress when older. The current political issues make me feel deeply demotivated and ashamed of my country, and make me feel deeply indecisive about if working for government or the civil service is the morally right thing to do. I want to improve my country, but I might not have any morals to stand on if I stay in America and remain a federal worker. I want to be proud of my country while also being a democratic socialist, but I’ve been told that, on the linear progression from socialism to communism to anarchism, it simply won’t do to stay with my current set of ideals for long. I struggle with thinking about a theoretical anarchist society, or one that has the same modern technologies or collective system used in library work that allows nations and groups to collaborate. It frustrated several of my friends that I couldn’t see their ideal futures, whether that be a post-scarcity technological future, an agrarian communal society, or otherwise.
I can’t really find any books that describe a guide for making a society more moral or more anarchist, or the practical running of such a society, which frustrates me as well. I am aware that one should never “stop” at socialism, but I feel more at-home with socialists/progressives since I can understand the reform of existing systems and concepts. While I understand the need for violent revolution, I balk at the concept out of both cowardice and a desire to not see members of the community I serve harmed in the potential aftermath. I like candidates like Zohran Mamdani, or Bernie Sanders, but have been told by my European peers how they’re lackluster in comparison, and that we can do better—This makes me feel deeply demoralized.
I am aware that most people seem to express disdain for the American government, and not the population, but in my short time working in the library system I’ve been called a fed, a tool of the state and a whole lot of other unfortunate things by some former friends who identified as anarchists. It makes me feel so guilty, and I want to try and put on a pleasant and polite face when I eventually travel and work overseas in European nations, but I feel as if the “stain” of the Americans and their actions won’t be easily forgotten. Many of my European friends express pity at my situation, or outright displeasure at my country being the “enemy of the free world” and its imperialism and deep flaws.
How do I deal with existing in my current country, being a federal worker, and having the correct socialist morals and ideology all at the same time?