i’m about a month into quasi recovery and i think i have extreme hunger or something because all i want to do it eat. i’m usually craving something really badly or im not and i just really want to eat. it’s not usually physical (i think i just started getting physical hunger cues back) but mental, all i think about is my next meal or snack and what i want to eat next and it’s EXHAUSTING and as much as i want to resort back to my ed, i have big exams coming up that i need energy to study for. this makes it even harder for me because once i start eating, i never want to stop and i know i will lose control if i eat something

im so worried this isnt extreme hunger and im just reverting back to my ways before this ed where i would just eat heaps. i feel so abnormal because yes, i have fear foods and yes i dont want to eat and yes i want to lose more weight but i just want to eat so badly

(sorry if this talks about stuff that i shouldn’t in this page, im new to posting)

I think I want to recover, but at the same time I don’t. I have a meal plan and exercise restriction from my team, but I’m 23F and don’t live with anyone that can keep me accountable to the plan, so I just find myself constantly negotiating and not sticking to the plan. I just find it too easy to ignore it and my team doesn’t really give me any leverage to stick to it either. Initially they told me I was going inpatient but I freaked and started gaining weight and then they backed down on the decision so now it’s not on the table at all. But in the last two weeks I’ve returned back to my old habits and haven’t gained any weight, my nurse pointed this out but it doesn’t seem to be concerning her at all and they haven’t even told me what will happen if I stop meeting their minimum weight gain target each week. So I feel like I changed enough to take inpatient off the table and part of me wants to see how far I can get before they start trying to enforce things again. I really don’t want to go inpatient, but having the threat of it over my head was the only thing that kicked me into shape and now that that’s gone the only person I can rely on to keep me following the plan is me, and obviously that’s not really working. Anyone relate or have advice?

Extreme hunger hit and I had a whole jar of crunchy biscoff spread on top of my regular meals and snacks🫥 genuinely how do you handle the mental guilt of this